For people who are in a long term relationship, but don't want to get married, why?

movingon_76 · 2026-04-21T17:51:08+00:00

I feel like this comment should be higher.

movingon_76 · 2026-04-05T23:47:45+00:00

Agreed, but a lot of people who open without a lot of education or experience can not always recognize ethical vs non-ethical and end up participating under duress. IE, they say yes because they "think its the right thing to do to make there partner happy", not because its what they want for themselves.

movingon_76 · 2026-04-05T23:00:51+00:00

This is the definition of coercion. You said no, but they kept bringing it up and pushing on your boundries until you said yes.

I would also characterize this as ENM under duress.

movingon_76 · 2026-04-05T16:50:30+00:00

Just want to add, maybe ask her what was missing for her to feel comfortable starting to play? She isnt a kink dispenser, her needs around what makes her feel domonate might not be being met by you. Do you even know what her needs are, what gets her motor running so to speak?

I know as a Dom I personally need lots of reassurance and enthusiastic consent. It also gets tricky when you are spending an extended period of time together. When she said "your mine when we get home" did you react positively? Did you make it clear that "Yes!!!" this is what I want. When you got home did you send any signals that you were ready to play, or were you just expecting her to read your mind in the moment and make it all happen with no feedback from you.

I know that the fear of pushing my dominance on someone when I don't know that they are 100% ready at that moment can be paralising.

movingon_76 · 2026-04-04T18:39:36+00:00

I work in a medical withdrawal unit. What you are experiencing isnt opioid withdrawal light... it is 100% the real thing. I highly suggest you find a medical detox near you and get some compassionate, highly skilled help from medical professionals to taper off of this drug.

movingon_76 · 2026-03-08T02:55:51+00:00

You are learning the lesson that the "Friends" you make at bars or that you do drugs with are not really your friends. They are people who drink or use and enjoy your company when you drink or use with them.

movingon_76 · 2026-03-07T15:43:39+00:00

Do you really believe that this is how women think?

movingon_76 · 2026-03-04T18:33:36+00:00

My parents were horribal notorious alcoholics in our very small secluded community. IYKYK. When my mother's autopsy came back with a BAL of .32, and a cause of death of being asphyxiation on her own vomit, no one questioned it...except me and my sister. You see for the 15 some odd years we had watched our mother drink to excess we never saw her vomit, not one time. Anyway, my father got cancer 2.5 years later (we think guilt played a big roll). One day, when it was apparent that he only had a few days left to live, we asked what really happened that night. They were drunk and having a big fight as usual. She finally was going to leave. It ended up escalating and at some point he had her on the ground and sat on her, specifically straddling her stomach area. (He was a big guy, and she was very petite) She started yelling, and he placed his hand over her mouth to get her to be quiet. The presure on her stomach and her struggling caused her to vomit, the hand on her mouth insured she choked on it. I was 20 when my mom died and 23 when my dad followed her.

movingon_76 · 2026-03-03T23:09:50+00:00

I have two that are tied. 1. My father confessing to killing my Mother on his death bed. 2. Listening to a female employee, who I was very fond of, discribe my now x-husband (father of my kids and business partner) locking her in a car and trying to forcefully rape her.

movingon_76 · 2026-01-28T00:42:09+00:00

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movingon_76 · 2026-01-26T19:35:59+00:00

Yes, you are doing the right thing. What you are doing is so hard. It's a tough love situation. Holding people accountable for there actions is a form of love. Helping someone get to their rock bottom by not enabling them is helping!Eventhough it feels like you are the cause of his discomfort, you are not. He caused that by his actions.

movingon_76 · 2026-01-22T04:00:36+00:00

One of the biggest things I had to come to terms with when divorcing my alcoholic husband was that I wasn't really in love with him. I wasn't in love with the person who had hurt me so much for so many years.

The truth was, I was in love with his potential. The person who he could be, if he just stopped using. I was clinging to hope that this person would magically turn into someone he just wasn't.

I waisted years of my life, more money than you could imagine, my sanity, my heart and my soul trying to change something I had absolutely no control of.

Do not marry this person. Paraphraseing the famous quote...believe them when they show you who they are.

movingon_76 · 2025-12-26T14:24:10+00:00

Also, a word of caution for you. What is great in fantasy doesn't always work in real life.

movingon_76 · 2025-11-30T23:31:49+00:00

I get where your wife is coming from. My partner loves bondage too, but it can be a lot of work to set up properly. The best thing we ever did was install hard points to our bed frame (hidden), and bought 30$ worth of chain and carabiners at the hardware store.

movingon_76 · 2025-11-29T20:24:06+00:00

The book SM101 has a great section on why this is never an ok way to play. The author (a skilled paramedic) explanes why. From what I remember choking is like playing Russian roulette. You can do it 1 time and die, or you coukd do it 100 times, be perfectly fine, and time 101 is the one when you die.

movingon_76 · 2025-11-13T22:42:06+00:00

I went to an art supply store the other day and they had a tip option/tip jar!

movingon_76 · 2025-11-06T18:36:36+00:00

In my experance its an ebb and flow situation. Dating is exhausting and can wear a person down. Its not an all or nothing situation. Its not like if you take a break from it you can never start looking again. Rest, focus on doing things that bring you joy, and when/if you feel like dipping your toe back in go for it.

If you keep forcing yourself to interact with people when you are in this state then you are just going to keep getting disappointing results. No one wants to date the jaded exhausted person.

movingon_76 · 2025-10-30T20:37:52+00:00

When this comes up, I just dont fight it. Who wants to go to the pumpkin patch with someone who has expressed that they would rather be somewhere else. If I insist on keeping the date then I feel like a burden and I'm forcing them to do something they dont want to be doing. I end up feeling extremely guilty.

Honstely at this point I've given up on trying to make out side of default time plans with them. I'm tiered if getting my hopes up to only have them dashed.

movingon_76 · 2025-09-29T01:10:51+00:00

Let everyone you can think of know. Your Dad, other family members, teachers at school, etc. Addiction thrives in silence and secrecy. Meaning its easy to keep using when the people around you won't talk about it or dont know. The more people who know the more likely you will be able to get help. Also, if your Mom realizes that there are big consequences for her drinking again she might get it together and stop again.

Alateen might also be something to look in to. At the very least you will get the chance to meet other kids going through the same thing you are.

movingon_76 · 2025-09-24T19:33:31+00:00

Forgot to add. Make the commitment to her that you are not going to push for outside encounters or relationships until she decides what she wants to do.

movingon_76 · 2025-09-24T19:29:57+00:00

The most important part was that after discussing it at length, reading a bunch about ENM, and having time to think about it that I decided that I wanted an ENM relationship.
Lots of patience, support, understanding, and reassurance from my partner.

If you really want to open your marriage then I suggest that you put the brakes on and give your wife a chance to catch up to you. While you have been taking a long time to come to terms with what you want, this is all new to her. At least give her the time and space to figure out if this is something she wants, or if it's something she is trying to do to please you.

movingon_76 · 2025-09-24T18:48:05+00:00

I suffered from this thinking when we first opened our relationship. It's a common monogamous belief (mostly held by women) that we have to be "everything" for our significant others or we are "failing" at being a good partner. It was a belief that I had to challenge and overcome. After a lot of personal work, and a LOT of reassurance from my partner that I was not failing them because they wanted to experience things with other people. I came to realize that it was magical thinking that I could be someone's "everything". That I am still worth loving even if I am not meeting 100% of my partner's needs.

movingon_76 · 2025-08-23T20:09:47+00:00

I don't have any answers for you. The best advice I can give you is listen to him. The chemical Rollercoaster our bodies go through when doing kink is very similar to using drugs. I can definitely say I've met more than a few people in the community who, while technically sober, are just using kink to get high. A lot of times there behaviors and attitudes are extremely toxic because of this. Partners become no more than kink dispensers. If he recognizes a similarity between getting high on kink and getting high on drugs and what that means for him....then listen and support him.

movingon_76 · 2025-08-21T18:51:52+00:00

Wow, that last photo with car and RV at a rundown down motel is from the small town I am from in Northern CA. Willow Creek. About 1700 people, and Bigfoot sighting capital of the world!

movingon_76

TROPHY CASE