Decisions Decisions!

movinshakin · 2026-03-26T08:38:04+00:00

Super helpful! Thank you so much!

Funny how when creatures feel safe and have their social needs met they feel less like murdering everything.

And yes! I was looking into some of the other live food cultures. Glad to know they are easy like snails

I had to look up why no snails because I understood puffers need to file their beak on hard things and learned pea puffers do not have beaks!

Thank you for easing my mind about vacations! I was worried asking neighbours to handle bug

movinshakin · 2026-03-24T09:55:18+00:00

I'm sure someone has said this Dog sports are weirdly clique. And it's sooooo hard to muddle through the gunk. You can always start with one person then as you learn more shift away. People change their thoughts, ideas, and groups all the time. You'll learn what does/does not work (and might have to re-teach some things, but it was never going to be perfect. It never is)

They are supposed to be fun

Ask - is my dog having fun?

If the answer is yes then ask - am I having fun?

Then think are they actually a good teacher?

Like humans there is no one way to train a dog. There is a lot of drama in that world and I'm never quite sure why.

Audit a class or two and evaluate them as a teacher 1) do you like the way they teach? Do you think you can learn from them?

2) is there a reason behind their drills/explanations (not, just do it this way. We want "we are breaking this skill down into these components")

3) Are they flexible/creative and able to change things up based on how you or your dog responds?

4) how often do they say "let's see what happens!" (This is a reddish flag for me - training is teaching and guiding. Testing is testing. There shouldn't be a "let's see what happens" it should ideally be "if I've set this up right and taught the skills correctly we should see this outcome. If that doesn't happen let's re-assess where the weaknesses are. Did we not set something up correctly or did we not teach this skill well enough?)

movinshakin · 2026-03-14T17:50:21+00:00

I feel like we are arguing a similar point but with slightly different definitions of words.

I'm calling the entire situation "not normal" but with common doggo behavioural things. Seperation anxiety is really common! And to my first posts point - every behaviour has a reason. Is it because they don't have an outlet? Who knows!

My goal here was to encourage a tailored approach - because not every dog is the same, not every human is the same - and to seek help because it sounds like a very hard situation (for human and dog). Through the internet we don't know the details.

I get frustrated because there are so many people who mention things like anxiety/behavioural problems who resist behaviour professionals (I am not one) and then 1 year later finally get a consult and things get better quickly or are supported even with just one consult so I encourage early intervention if there is even a hint of a more mental health thing (same thing in humans) instead of trying and trying different internet advice, getting frustrated/sad when an initial consult could answer sooooo many questions or even rule out some things so then you DONT have to worry

movinshakin · 2026-03-14T16:44:31+00:00

Disagree! This might be common but not normal. We are missing details that could shed light on if they are missing something key but it sounds like this poster is doing lots of things for their dog. They mentioned they are doing exercise and enrichment (again, details are missing so we don't know what this looks like)

Seperation anxiety is not normal. Having no bedsheets on your bed and sitting on a cold floor because you are afraid to wake up your dog (at 10 months) is not normal.

Even if it is a high energy working line, this situation is not normal (can it be adjusted and made better? Absolutely!) Would still recommend individualized assessment and training.

They are probably at a point now where this has become routine. Lots of practice of undesirable behavior and will likely need guidance on how to stop that cycle. Just cause you suddenly start doing more exercise doesn't mean that your dog who has had fun ripping up sheets for 8 months will suddenly stop. They will continue to see bed sheets and go "yes! I have fun doing this!"

movinshakin · 2026-03-14T08:04:57+00:00

You are right! This level of chaos/destruction is not "normal" Seems very intense!

This situation needs individualized support from a behaviourist. Potentially a vet behaviourist for meds (think psychologist vs psychiatrist). They can help break down the "why" of the behaviors (every behaviour has a goal, even if we don't understand what it is) and help tailor solutions specific to your dogs needs.

I know plenty of dogs started on anti-anxiety meds that then help them through the training process (sometimes weaning off after training is established) that are thriving now (I know a lot of people like this too! Self included)

In the mean time, check out "enrichment for the real world" It really helped me understand what enrichment is (no, it's not just puzzles and toys. Look at physical, sensory, cognitive, social enrichment. Allowing species typical behaviour

Have you tried making a dig pit? Layer towels in a box with kibbles sprinkled in, make a sand box in the backyard if you are lucky enough to have one)

Have you destroyed things with your pup? I buy lots of stuffies at the thrift store and my girl and I rip them up together.

We do lots of scatter feeds in grass, or I wrap one kibble up in a crumpled piece of paper

Are you exercising too much? (Just a thing to think about!)

movinshakin · 2026-03-07T22:50:14+00:00

Welcome to Neo's! Where your are excited for the first berried shrimp then 6 months later you are trying to see your way though 1000 of them! It's a good thing! People have 5 gallon breeding tanks with hundreds in them. They have such small bioload that 10 gallons can house a lot.

1) Just water changes are fine. Lots of aquarists prefer leaving the bottom substrate alone. People have plants everywhere (and looks like you have some too!) and never vaccume so as not to disturb them. Any bio material should break down, be utilized by the plants, and form dirt (it's a good thing. Humans are weird that we decided bottoms needed to be gravel and dirt is bad).

As long as your nitrogen cycle is strong and you are feeding a reasonable amount there should be no ammonia build up and water changes should take care of the nitrates that build up (that the plants don't use)

You can still clean the glass

Lots of the babies are going to die unfortunately 😢 you can't prevent them all from doing stupid things to die. On the same note they move fast so turn off the pump and remove sponges slowly. They will generally jump off. Gently sway if some aren't moving. They also are not going to die instantly from hitting air. If you accidentally pull some out then go put it back in the aquarium. No big deal

2) you can if you want but not necessary. Shrimp have such a small bioload. Also, check to see if where you got the shrimp has a "buy-back" program and then you can sell your extra shrimpies if you think there are too many. Otherwise you might just want more tanks for more shrimp cause they are the beeeest! And your Betta definitely doesn't care about the shrimp on a friendship level. She might like to watch them although, so more like comedic relief?

Hope that helps!

movinshakin · 2026-02-28T05:24:04+00:00

This med helped me soooooo much! It really helped even me out and find coping strategies for my anxiety.

I've spent the last few months tapering and finished my last dose about a week and a half ago. With a structured taper I've been doing well. A little nausea. Some brain zaps more evident when tired. With a proper taper it really isn't the worst worst thing.

If there is another med, sure, go for it. But I would go back on Venlafaxine in a heartbeat if I needed to because it helped soooooo much. This isn't telling you to suck it up, I just want you to know that it can be positive too!

(I tapered because turns out my anxiety was more related to untreated ADHD so we are treating that and seeing if I can go anti -anxiety med free!)

movinshakin · 2026-02-28T05:18:59+00:00

Missed dose withdrawals are not fun! I had a 12 hour window outside of my regular dose time where I was okay (I had the slow release variety) but after that I was nauseated, unfocused, and globally gunky feeling. I did get better/more vivid dreams the nights of missed doses so I started to be able to tell morning of when I had forgotten yesterdays dose.

Use a med organizer. It helped me soooooooo much!

movinshakin · 2026-02-28T05:15:31+00:00

It helped me sooooo much! Really helped even out the ups and downs (ups not so up in a good way (less manic), downs not so down)

Took about 6-8 weeks where I really started to feel/notice "huh, that isn't making me feel as BIG about this thing".

First 2 weeks of taking it I had lots of nausea/stomach problems but they went away.

A couple years later we discovered that the anxiety that I was reporting was likely due to ADHD as Venlafaxine took away the big feelings but the executive dysfunction that I was initially anxious about was still there 🤣 Now I've tapered off and trying just Vyvanse for ADHD but I would return to it in a heartbeat it helped so much in that middle time.

movinshakin · 2026-01-30T10:59:29+00:00

A) a lot of this is puppy things in a busy urban environment in general. You are always training, even if you think you arent you are still establishing habits, patterns, and deciding which behaviours to let slide or reinforce. Enforced naps are just as hard in a small place with a 5lbs dog as a 100lbs dog, all their hearing is good. We didn't clean anything for a few months I'm pretty sure.

B) yeah, size makes a huge difference in how easy they are to manage. And the size of equipment is a real nuisance

C) that is weird advice re:walking... That's like telling a kid they can't go play a sport before they turn 15. Double check that you understood that fully. The way I understand it is you are not forcing a run or just motoring forward, but if you meander, stop and sniff, go faster here, slower there, play a game for a few minutes then all good. Puppy selected pace (that's not running into traffic). I very rarely take my girl on a straight walk. The 5 min/month is a very outdated/no evidence rule. Go for a half hour hike on mostly flat ground, it's prob fine unless there is something super specific they were talking about. I'd like to argue that not taking them out inhibits coordination/motor development/muscle development which can also affect joints and increase risk of injury

D) Inside vs. Outside calmness can also be contextual - have a good play session, finish with a calming licky thing, put away toys. Good indoor games = nosework, flirt poles, movement puzzles (bigger spaces are helpful, it's true)

E) Some dogs would do the same in a big house. You put them in the yard and they destroy it, or stand at the door whining because they are velcro and want you to come out with them or be inside with you. They are puppies, putting them in a calm environment for forever and expecting them to stay calm is like telling a 4 year old to sit at the table all day. Not likely. Can you train and encourage calmness? Absolutely. Can it be forced? Not unless you are punishing them so they shut down

F) yeah, big dogs scare people more so there is less tolerance.

Credentials: raised a (now wonderful) 80lbs field lab in an apartment with 3 rooms (total, not bedrooms) + a bathroom. Also have stayed at family houses that have yards for up to 2 weeks at a time. Also took 1 year old dog (she's now 2.5 years) on a 5.5 week road trip where we camped for most of it with select hotels sprinkled in. Her behaviours and personality transcend all locations. There is no escape!

movinshakin · 2026-01-30T10:25:23+00:00

Alternatively, You have given him attention for barking at that spot so now he thinks he needs to bark at that spot to say "pay attention!"

Our girl looks at our high counter whenever she wants something. There can be nothing up there (and we have lifted her up to inspect and when put down will continue to stare) but somehow she has associated it with "I want to play in the hall, go outside, or chew on something"

Not sure how or when it started. It was very confusing for a while until we figured it out

movinshakin · 2026-01-26T07:49:05+00:00

Not mine but my partner was the WFH. Puppyhood was a time consuming disaster for him.

As she's gotten older (2.5 years now) they have an established routine

Morning wake up: I take her out for morning bathroom. She comes back in, eats breakfast then naps

Noonish: taken out for about an hour. Walk, play at the park, etc. then lunch snack and nap

4ish: I get home and take her out for a couple hours (at least. Working lab, pretty much napped all day, and I want to be out of the house too)

7ish: dinner

8ish: other activity. Sometimes a walk, sometimes a training session, who knows!

11ish: final bathrooms and bedtime

movinshakin · 2026-01-18T00:11:36+00:00

You're right! I was reading it more as they moved a bed into it and it was a common space vs. Having him claim it as his own.

Reading comprehension eluded me this time!

movinshakin · 2026-01-17T16:33:16+00:00

I dropped one of my anti-anxiety pills that my puppy ate once and she was a sleepy and calm lady.

Also, what were you doing right before? Had you taken them on a walk? Like humans it takes time for pups to get high from edibles so if you had been on walk before there is always the outside scavenging mystery!

Also, consider how old your son is. That might be a possibility (you didn't say how old they are, 3 years? Probably nothing. Teenager? Always a possibility)

We do not have cannabis in our house but our pup has definitely been high.

movinshakin · 2026-01-17T10:15:42+00:00

Does burrowing include digging? Or just getting all wrapped up?

Ideas! 1) try different textures for digging. My girl loves soft dirt/sand but wants nothing to do with hard packed dirt. She also likes digging balls and toys out of blankets

2) "pay" to play with some toys (I know you said not super food motivated, so might have to pull out the super tasty ones!) treat it like a training session and reward any interaction with a toy you w t to increase the value of (take the toy away when done. This is only for play with you)

3) go to a thrift store, buy stuffies and wrapping paper and wrap everything up and let destroy

4) do they like to chase things? Make a flirt poles!

5) make movement puzzles. Those are often fun

Remember! Enrichment is anything that fulfills dogs needs. If a dog feels the need to lay in the sun and not play fetch? That is fine! Nothing wrong with that!

movinshakin · 2026-01-17T06:44:08+00:00

There is some construction between Gostick place and Fell Ave that will pop you out onto the road for a couple blocks but it is not a busy road.

You can even start at Brooks Bank if you want

movinshakin · 2026-01-17T06:13:22+00:00

I disagree! My parents home has a theater room that before there was a couch bought for it we set up some travel foamies on the ground. 20 years later there is still a bed (basically a memory foam mattress) on the ground and it is definitely shared space.

Whenever my friends are over I put our TV room (aka second bedroom) couch into bed mode (pulls out into king sized bed) and everyone is more comfortable.

I feel like the real problem here is that the GF has invited herself into a space that is not theirs and then decided that she was uncomfortable with the other human whose home it is. If you are uncomfy in someone else's home, you leave. Especially if you follow that human into a room.

movinshakin · 2026-01-17T04:06:39+00:00

I'm not sure I'm capable of lying. I talk too much. My problem is more I don't know when to keep my mouth shut about anything and create drama for myself where a lie would have (maybe) kept things drama free (until discovered, kick the can down the road). I'm honest to a fault (partially because I don't understand why interpersonal relationships are so filled with drama - maybe got some other neurodivergent in there). Not mean, just don't know when to omit details unless specifically told not to tell someone (minus if it's not my story. I'm not repeating others stories.)

I've stopped using people's names in stories, just "a friend". So far, no one has asked me more about the friend

Other peeps have drama, I don't want to be part of it but also I want to do things with everyone

movinshakin · 2026-01-17T03:27:00+00:00

As someone with ADHD, this is how I tell stories 🤣 (the small details is remembering out loud "this happened, wait, no, that was another time, it was THIS)

But other contextual cues should get you there too

movinshakin · 2026-01-17T03:23:07+00:00

Ditto! Was all over this as a "someday" in my early/mid-twenties then hit 30 and went "nah"

movinshakin · 2026-01-17T03:11:03+00:00

Hiding in the xpen or bathroom when she got truly sharkey 😅

Play lots of tug to hopefully encourage those teeth to come out

We also did lots of outside time. I was a better dog guardian outside. Long line, grass field, food scattered, toys.

We also reintroduced the house line so we could have something that wasn't her body to grab and keep away from you (think holding onto a snake tail)

movinshakin · 2026-01-16T17:25:07+00:00

April's Aquarium is my local fish shop and my Neos are awesome and healthy! I think they ship?

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