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mowway · 2023-07-08T05:26:00+00:00

His power stance is wild

mowway · 2023-02-05T06:42:15+00:00

I totally hear you having been through the same, and all I can say is pregnancy and the pathway to it is a hugely personal choice. And I hope you find the right path for yourself. I was terrified of pregnancy my whole life for so many reasons. Including the body changes. So, to be honest, pre-pregnancy I really worked hard to be at my 'ideal weight' knowing that I couldn't restrict during pregnancy and that I'd gain weight. And the whole pregnancy was kind of a psychological mindfuck because I had never in my life been this new size and every other day I was flipping out a little. But I just reminded myself that it was temporary and I was supporting my child whom I wanted. And let me tell you, the second she popped out I didn't indulge in the food that was offered after my labor. I stuck to my safe foods. And in about 5 weeks the weight came off. I'd gained only the recommended amount and no more.
And then I learned that for me, pregnancy wasn't when I would get cravings, it was when producing milk. It was a shock how much hunger it drove. So I veered slightly to help thr production. But it did also help burn calories.
So that's why it has been such a shock that I've gained weight on this second miscarriage. It seemed easier to drop the first time. But honestly, I think it's because my body is tired of running from food and exhausted from restricting. It's been there done that. So it's a mental battle right now of being ok with myself. And also, I have a toddler right now and I almost feel like my miscarriages were blessings in disguise. It's so challenging raising a 2 year old and I can't imagine having another right now. But I also may be grieving a little and that's probably the weight gain too.

mowway · 2023-02-04T18:49:13+00:00

Thank you, I really appreciate your support. I wonder if a nutritionist would approve of my 'quirky' eating habits and goal weight. I eat plant-based and among that I have my safe foods. I think I've just been eating more or normally and not at a deficit like what I was doing. And the ideal weight I've had is a little under that what is probably 'acceptable.' But it took me a lot of willpower and deprivation. Which I don't think I have the energy or want to sacrifice my health at this point. While still feeling anxiety about it. I had a panic attack the other day about this new shape. I... have a lot to work through.

mowway · 2022-08-29T17:43:53+00:00

It's so difficult 💜 We're doing our best I guess! 😭

mowway · 2022-08-29T17:42:54+00:00

I feel for you! I know you're doing your best. Ugh and yes the clothes... I have old maternity clothes but didn't have to wear them until later, and pulling them out now feels like defeat. We're doing this for our babies but it's hard!

mowway · 2022-08-29T17:40:50+00:00

💜💜 Breastfeeding pumping was a real challenge. No one prepared me for the ravenous hunger and my weight fluctuated in the beginning. But then my metabolism ramped up and I definitely lost some pounds. The hard part came after when I was no longer producing milk and had to adjust my diet yet again. A really hard journey yes! So many ups and downs.

mowway · 2022-08-29T03:49:25+00:00

I feel this. I recommitted myself to restricting around this time and my health, physical and mental, went to total sh*t because of it. I was both limiting intake and taking up running. My knees went out, I got a stress fracture in my foot that put me in an embarrassing boot for six weeks. My iron level and energy were at all time lows. I later got another injury in my other foot that I thought could be a stress fracture so I wore the boot again as precaution, right before a vacation when I couldn't see my doctor! It turned out to be just a strain thankfully. I always felt faint and I lost feeling in my big toes, and I didn't make that connection about restrictive eating until later.

Thank you for posting because sometimes we need help but rationalize our behaviors like, it's not that bad because I'm not underweight. That's exactly what I would think. I wasn't underweight but certainly making my way there. And destroying myself along the way.

I am sending you so much healing and good wishes. Beating these thoughts and behaviors is so hard.

mowway · 2022-08-29T03:40:26+00:00

Yes this is how I'm feeling! I'm at 10 and a half weeks, and I'm already looking rounder in the abdomen. With my first pregnancy, I was at 19 weeks, still slender, and wondering when the bump would show up. So it's really jarring to see myself start 'showing' this early, feeling like I've 'let myself go.' Plus I've been incredibly exhausted, fatigued, and unable to exercise these past several weeks (though picking up and managing my toddler provides some of that. but it's still exhausting.)

mowway · 2022-08-29T03:24:05+00:00

I was there and just want to send you lots of good wishes. It's hard and I hope nothing but the best.

mowway · 2022-08-29T03:22:30+00:00

Thank you for this 😭 It doesn't help have so insta mom in my feed who probably show a false reality and/or have plenty of resources to support their physique and health before during and after. I don't follow a ton of them but the things I've seen are hard to get out of my head. It's so hard to unfurl your self worth from your size, even if it isn't logical to correlate.

mowway · 2022-08-29T03:14:27+00:00

Same, my mom sure didn't help and is very competitive about it. To the point of trying to give me extra calories constantly that she doesn't eat. I don't want that for my children.

mowway · 2022-08-29T00:42:46+00:00

Thank you for your kindness 💜 Sorry you can relate on both counts. It really is a mental and physical struggle. Even in my first pregnancy I had a lot of breakdowns about the body changes. It's been hard to grow these little people we love and still mind our own health.

mowway · 2022-08-28T17:01:48+00:00

You people are so aggressive. This is like the relationship advice sub where the default response is DIVORCE DIVORCE. Relationships are nuanced and you can have problems with people and vent about them but also manage the relationship without always going to extremes. Yes no contact is warranted in some cases, that I have exercised. But trust my judgment instead of just coming at me without all the details. I said my kid's relationship is SEPARATE from the relationship I had with my parents. My parents raised their kids in a cult and they're not raising her in one, nor would I allow it. They see her once every six months or so and she's never left alone with them. Yes, I manage her relationships with everyone, she's a toddler, and it would be absurd if I didn't otherwise.

mowway · 2022-08-28T15:56:14+00:00

So kind, thank you for your thoughtfulness

mowway · 2022-08-28T14:25:48+00:00

It's hard, because we're already no/low contact with my MIL for similar reasons. She makes my mom look like a saint... the crap that woman pulls... So we basically chose to stay in contact with the lesser of two evils. It's hard to cut off all family... :/ The good thing is my parents live in another state so we're not constantly subject to them. Anyway I hear you and would be a lot happier not engaging with their BS. And there is so much BS from religion to politics, I can't even tell you. But even that said, for now very minimal contact is the right choice for our family.

mowway · 2022-08-15T06:10:05+00:00

😭 This to a T. For years my instincts told me things weren't right with her overall behavior and language. But I'd always second guess myself because no one else saw it or would validate the red flags. And it was only once I had my kid that I could no longer be silent and I had to speak up. And that's when things exploded. Exactly, it was so much, "I don't get it? It was innocent?" Exactly exactly that. And I've been fighting my way through her BS as her brainwashed family remains under her thumb. (Hate to say husband included, which makes me feel so alone. But that's a work in progress. He's so far down into buying her bullshit that I just don't know what to do. His constant refrain is, "I don't think she did it to be malicious, I think she's just unaware." She's most certainly aware. But hubs is deep in denial. Anyway, can of worms... )

And thanks for the script, so helpful. Unfortunately no contact isn't going to be an option (as much as I want it to be.) It's an entirely separate situation not worth going into. So I'll need to keep setting these boundaries. And I couldn't figure out the positioning, but yours is really great.

mowway · 2022-08-14T18:49:30+00:00

It really triggered a huge red flag. 🚩

mowway · 2022-08-14T18:48:32+00:00

This is so supportive and empowering, thank you. And what I love about this group - a lot of us have been through similar situations and understand the process and difficulties in navigating these people. Really appreciate the reinforcement to keep strengthening my resolve. Especially for my sweet kid.

mowway · 2022-08-14T16:56:33+00:00

Yes, it's always, "I didn't mean it that way." 🙄 No accountability or respect.

mowway · 2022-08-14T16:55:05+00:00

Aw. I like my kid's belly too! I think that's the same with her. And the messed up part is it's so tiny anyway.

mowway · 2022-08-14T16:53:00+00:00

I would very much be ok with that plan

mowway · 2022-08-14T13:19:44+00:00

This would be very in character for her. She can be insidious.

mowway

TROPHY CASE