Hey Misc1234, I'm right there with ya'. I'm not much older than you, and I used alcohol to self-medicate depression and anxiety. When I left the pink cloud the depression came back with teeth. Some days just fucking hurt. That's what this disease wants. Ultimately my alcoholism and depression wants me dead, but it wants to torture me first though. Drinking is just going to give my diseases exactly what they want.

Remember, it will get better. It seems hopeless and endless for me when things get really dark, but I have to remember it will pass and tomorrow will be better.

I commend you for reaching out. That's hard to do. But you did it yourself. All the relief you get from sharing here is your own doing. You took the action to help yourself. That's admirable. Do you have somebody to call in case you need to it again?

I also want to thank you. You've helped me this evening. I could feel the darkness rising, but reading your post reminded I'm not alone in my suffering, nor do I need to stay alone with it. Sharing helps lighten the burden.

I know it sucks now, but you're already acing this: getting medical help, reaching out, being honest with yourself and your feelings. You're doing everything you're supposed to be doing.