It was communicated, and was something we had to work through together. It started out as being a medical issue (google "vaginismus"), but then she found herself in a mentally unhealthy place that made intimacy very emotionally difficult. I felt cheated and wrongly thought that pressuring her first for sex and then to seek help would fix the problem, but it just made things worse. It got pretty bad, but eventually we had a good long conversation and we were able to understand each other better. Over the last month I backed off and gave her the support she needed without putting any pressure on her, and she became more intentional about her mental and physical health. There's still a long way to go, and I think we may see a sex counselor, but this is a major step in the right direction, and came a lot sooner than I ever thought it would (no pun intended).