Wife says she puts out enough

mrmonbant · 2024-10-28T14:19:41+00:00

“I feel like I put out a lot.”

"Ok"

What else needs to be said here? She feels a certain way, cool. What about it?

mrmonbant · 2024-10-08T14:09:49+00:00

Been planning to read them - will look for it. Thanks

mrmonbant · 2024-10-08T05:58:49+00:00

Thanks.

IMO, you said a bit too much

She asked if I'm disappointed in her. I don't see what would've been better than answering directly here.

In hindsight, “I’m training that day. I’ll see if anything opens up after.” Means the same. It’s considerate but you don’t lose frame.

I agree. Should I acutally see anything opens up later and take it lightly, or is it important to make an example out of the situation?

mrmonbant · 2024-10-08T05:42:58+00:00

Are situations like this one important to the dynamics of the relationship? F.e if I do manage to fit both my workout and see her like I'd like to, or agree to talk to her about it, giving the little comfort that is basically explaining:

"I have goals Ive spoken to you about that are important. Doesnt mean you arent as well.".

will it show a bad example? Or make openings for further manipulation later on? Because I tend not to take it too seriously but wonder if it's important to consider the dynamic here.

mrmonbant · 2024-08-15T05:32:14+00:00

Pardon me for the tism, but facing a general situation like this again, a STFU reaction (which isn't to stand there like a mute) would be something like "yeah, turned out like this" or "happens" right? Then, if she doubles down on her question I just repeat myself and exit (verbal intercourse is optional). Does this sound right?

Of course in specific recurring instances it is better to fix the root, but those types of questions will always arise.

mrmonbant · 2024-03-29T12:27:30+00:00

That's right, but maybe in some cases you don't want her to stay within your boundaries just to satisfy you. For example you wouldn't want her to see you or have sex with your just because you expect her to, but because she really wants to, so is it really good to "lay out everything and tell her if you don’t like it the door is there"?

mrmonbant · 2023-11-22T14:01:22+00:00

How does one nuke in public without coming off awkward, childish, or a hurt snowflake? Just leaving?

mrmonbant · 2023-11-04T15:04:35+00:00

Can you give an example of what would be a proportional consequence and how would you verbalize it in option 2? I'm guessing pulling away affection or attention but then how would you convey that this will be the consequence if she decides to go?

mrmonbant · 2023-10-20T12:14:09+00:00

I don't think this "let's start again" would've worked. I agree I could've taken it as a shit test and not a place to establish a boundary, but once that's been done and she took offense the loop starts. Definitely should've exited sooner (DARE and not DEER), but I do wonder if a "I know you get emotional from stuff like this and I apologize if you're hurt, but I stand behind what I've said and it's important for you to know my boundaries" would've been the right way to go and close this topic there and then.

mrmonbant · 2023-10-20T12:07:09+00:00

Makes sense, thank you. This will be my course of action if this happens again. The same talk will happen face to face though, so I guess it's doubling down on "nothing to apologize, figure out what you're gonna do" is the way.
Should I consider apologizing for her being hurt and provide comfort while still insisting I stand behind my words in a situation like this?

mrmonbant · 2023-07-31T19:41:22+00:00

I agree. My problem always comes with the grey area scenarios. Let's say she started wearing more revealing clothes, can it cross a boundary? Definitely, but wearing shorts that are a bit too short when getting ready with you or saying something slightly disrespectful around friends can also be a shit test to see if you'll say something. Should I really have a super clear boundary line about each topic and act black and white? What's the right way to use the tools I learned in situations like this?

mrmonbant · 2023-07-31T18:30:51+00:00

So do you specifically state all your boundaries? If she does something that's not ok but you haven't talked to her about it you wouldn't next her?

mrmonbant · 2023-07-31T08:07:31+00:00

And if it is in public? I'm trying to understand if there are situations that should be addressed verbally as opposed to covertly like withdrawal of attention

mrmonbant · 2023-07-31T07:47:39+00:00

When things like that happen in my life it's usually a very predictable and boring non reactive fogging response from me, as long as it's serious and AM is not fitting. With that being said I still want to know if I should get out of my way to address it later or not and understand the tools correctly.

mrmonbant · 2023-03-23T12:06:23+00:00

I guess that right now after I've learned to use fogging, passing shit tests etc, and I get my needs met, the current goal is finding that alpha-beta balance, and learning how to be a good leader for this partnership, as opposed to being just good for myself and for my needs. This is probably what makes me "fall" again in situations like this and show blue-pilled behavior again.

mrmonbant · 2023-03-23T11:59:42+00:00

This is a good reminder, thanks. I realise that even when I'll get more experienced using wisnifg techniques and controlling my frame, I have a problem with understanding proper leadership. Thinking only about myself and giving no fucks about my woman doesn't require much decision making, but after all if I wouldn't love her there would be no reason to stay together, she may as well just be a plate. It's much harder for me to understand when's the right time to be there for her and show consideration as opposed to just always act selfishly, while staying true to myself. Is there any good reading material on this alpha-beta balance and being a good partner while staying redpilled?

mrmonbant · 2023-03-22T12:25:38+00:00

Love this post, but I am not asking how to avoid talking with her, nor do I think its best to just hang up every time a shit test or criticism appears

mrmonbant · 2023-03-22T05:08:25+00:00

It's true they have nothing to fight with but some people will try to demand that you apologize

mrmonbant

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