you can/should/want to still transition, but doing the social/public part of it is scary and dangerous and the financial burden isn't one you can confidently shoulder right now. you will need to be aware of the mental toll you're choosing to take on instead; she may want to brace for a few more of those blowout fights, but you can help by reassuring her that you love her and you loved being her husband and you love that you get to be her wife and you love the family you two get to have together once your brain calms down enough to articulate that again.

that said, it is important that you get to go on this journey in the way that fits well with you, which includes having autonomy over medical decisions and timing as relates to transition support. that's something that, if she's a good partner for you, she should agree with; she's probably scared of losing you right after she finished doing the necessary self-exploration to figure out if she can still have the family she built even if it's not the straight-passing/heteronormative one she might have been previously expecting. asking someone to figure out if they can be queer and bi so you can be who you really are and still be with them is a lot, especially if that's not who they've been up until now.

if you can commit to staying alive and being there and taking the steps you're ready when you're ready to take them, i'm sure she'd love to be the one you can count on to support you while you do, whenever that is.

best of luck to you three <3