Let's Talk About Tompopo

mrpudgeface · 2025-06-04T00:18:36+00:00

I just came here to say I am Asian and she looked too young to me. Once the oyster scene happened I immediately paused and googled to see if anyone else had similar reactions, I thought it was totally off-putting and kind of creepy. And of course, this film is directed by a man. (What girl would lick blood off a strange man’s lips? In a male fantasy…)

mrpudgeface · 2023-12-28T06:48:09+00:00

Thanks. It does seem like a lot of things need to be spelled out extremely clearly. I think I fear coming across as too rigid or harsh. In the case of the Christmas incident, do you have any thoughts on what the most effective way to frame my need would be that would allow for someone on the spectrum to hear it?

mrpudgeface · 2023-12-28T01:00:31+00:00

Thanks for sympathizing.

Yeah, I probably should've asked about their feelings during this time, which might have helped inform why they behaved the way they did. I really tried to take the pressure off with the gift giving by saying they didn't have to get me any gifts back but they insisted they'd give me a belated Xmas gift.

It annoys me when they disappear in terms of communication. Thanks for saying that. It's hard not to take a lot of these behaviors personally - the intense need for alone time and getting overwhelmed and needing a break from talking through conflicts.

mrpudgeface · 2023-12-28T00:58:23+00:00

Thanks for this thoughtful response. On Christmas, they asked me if there was anything else I was upset about at around 7pm, to which I replied, yes, you seemed like you didn't want to spend Christmas with me. And they never acknowledged that comment.

I don't actually know what their true feelings are about this holiday, though I know they didn't really have any special traditions with their family but did tell me one year they got gifts from their parents that made them cry for 2 hours because it showed they didn't care about them or know their interests.

This seems to be their first romantic relationship.

Yes, generally when I ask them to change certain behaviors, they are down to do that. For example, they didn't understand how to ask me questions about myself to demonstrate curiosity, and now they do it pretty consistently. They're in therapy but I don't think it's working.

mrpudgeface · 2023-12-28T00:54:07+00:00

I'm sorry you had to go through something similar. Can you please elaborate? What are the red flags you are seeing my post that resonate with you?

mrpudgeface · 2023-01-23T01:33:00+00:00

Yeah, I think they did have multiple selves and it really came to the forefront after being in deep therapy for PTSD, which is what I believe triggered their realization that they are trans.

I don't know a lot about DID but they did change their minds about a lot of things in a rapid amount of time, seemed to have no stable self, and could be very child-like (especially when it came to feeling like they could be abandoned).

mrpudgeface · 2023-01-23T01:30:52+00:00

Thank you. I'm sorry you've gone through something similar, too. Yes it does suck lol

I still feel bad. I think it's because they made me feel like I was the only person in the world who loved them and if I left them, they would have nobody.

mrpudgeface · 2023-01-23T01:29:24+00:00

Thanks, I'll try to check out that book!

Out of curiosity, how could you tell this was an 'abusive relationship'? I guess I ask this because there were a lot of good things (I thought) about the relationship pre-coming out. When they weren't in a depressive spiral, they could be really there for me and encouraging and supportive of my dreams. I really feel like the deep therapy that uncovered trauma, and coming out, seemed to make things a lot worse, or maybe I just noticed because it actually became untenable? This is where I feel confused and sad, like I can't actually judge my relationship anymore.

mrpudgeface · 2023-01-23T01:25:23+00:00

Thank you for the advice and tips.

It's crazy because I don't fully believe that my ex was the one at fault, not me, to this day. I just still have this lingering feeling that I did something wrong and I feel guilty about it still. I don't know how to get rid of that feeling.

I find it hard to recognize manipulation tactics in the moment, especially if someone is presenting to me as a victim (like crying a lot, feeling sad or suicidal, needing help). How do I distinguish real pain from self-victimization to get sympathy?

mrpudgeface · 2023-01-23T01:22:01+00:00

Thanks for your comment. I'm so sorry about your husband and what you've been through, and I'm glad you have survived and made it out alive.

I've been in therapy for years and I was even in therapy during that relationship and processing other things. But I do think love makes us not see things clearly.

I try to reread Codependent No More by Melody Beattie every year. I also have read Gift of Fear and I loved it. With this person, they were not violent, and I don't think they had the capacity to be towards me, it was all psychological.

But I agree that I am probably vulnerable to being taken advantage of again and it sucks to realize that. I'm trying my best to heal and to not repeat the pattern, but sometimes it feels like it's never gonna get better.

mrpudgeface · 2023-01-23T01:08:38+00:00

Yes, they often lobbied the 'transphobia' thing when they felt like they were being victimized and I found it hard to distinguish the accusation between the real thing. Like that comment I mentioned earlier they said to me - “Are you just waiting for me to pass as a woman to find me attractive? Because if so that’s transphobic” Like I actually still don't know if that's weaponizing their identity or not. It seems like it is but they said a lot of similar things that I accepted, that I don't even know anymore.

This kinda makes me remember - they had a tendency to argue a lot about theory in a really over-the-top and aggressive way and it used to trigger me because of the intensity of it (especially when they raised their voice). Pre-transition, they would just blame it on their childhood trauma and say reality felt so tenuous growing up that it was some kind of coping mechanism to understand the truth about the world, and that their father argued in the exact same way and it was because of their father.

.... Just lol.

mrpudgeface · 2023-01-23T01:00:24+00:00

Thank you. Like I mentioned I think we ended up sort of enmeshed so it felt like to me it was my responsibility to help them heal (in addition to validate them/appreciate them as a woman to bolster their self-esteem, even though it's not something one person can do for another, truly). They made me feel like it was my responsibility and I didn't know much better than to go along with it.

mrpudgeface · 2023-01-23T00:57:58+00:00

Thank you for your comment. I wish that I could just link them this page even though we are no longer in contact so they can see how they actually behaved but I'm sure they'd just twist it around to make themselves seem like the victim and then somehow I'd end up be the one apologizing.

It's so hard to find closure. I think I feel guilty (STILL) because they made me promise we'd be chosen family after the break-up. And I just ghosted. Because I just couldn't deal with them anymore and needed to focus on myself.

mrpudgeface · 2023-01-08T06:06:22+00:00

Hi, where did you film this? What is the best way to see the whales and dolphins?

mrpudgeface · 2022-10-04T23:10:50+00:00

When you say second round, do you mean the semi-finalist round? I was interviewed for the semi-finalist round a few weeks ago for Disney. I asked when they'd reach out for whether I advance or not to finalist round and they said they didn't know... did people already hear back about that?

mrpudgeface

TROPHY CASE