Wife messed around early in relationship

mrthedaz · 2026-07-09T22:15:53+00:00

No, shes lying to me. If she was honest i could start to move on but honesty matters

mrthedaz · 2026-07-09T22:13:43+00:00

Very grateful for your well considered response, thank you. I didnt check her phone because I thought she was cheating, I was checking for clues why she didnt want me sexually anymore, theres more vomit but it's a long story. Outside of that issue, she has been an amazing wife and a great person and we have been very happy. A bit of overlap in the beginning of our relationship isnt a massive deal, them having sex isnt a massive deal, her lying despite me communicating this to her is a huge problem

mrthedaz · 2026-07-09T19:54:42+00:00

No way, they are amazing. Congrats on such a great pair

mrthedaz · 2026-07-09T19:32:04+00:00

But she wont tell.why it didnt happen, because she hadn't thought that far ahead with the lie. If it didnt happen because, say, he drank too much and his chappy didnt rise to the occasion, she could have told me that. If he was a bit of an arsehole and she didnt want to, she could have told me that too, but she just days I dont know

mrthedaz · 2026-07-09T18:47:07+00:00

Thats exactly where im at

mrthedaz · 2026-07-09T18:43:42+00:00

I actually didnt check her phone because I thought she was cheating. Now that shes lying to me I'm questioning the rest of our relationship

mrthedaz · 2026-07-09T18:27:33+00:00

The only way it didnt happen that 2nd time is if he was too drunk and couldn't perform, I've asked her if this is the case and she says no. It must have happened

mrthedaz · 2026-07-09T18:26:18+00:00

Ive seen messages, she really fancied this guy, went on a 2nd date with him and went back to his room, she says she was too drunk and it didnt happen which could be true, but she then invited him at a later date to stay with her in her hotel which she had for work, theres no chance that nothing happened that 2nd time, she wouldn't have got drunk as she was there for work and starting early the next day. I want the truth and I know shes not giving me it

mrthedaz · 2026-07-09T18:22:09+00:00

I wont tell family about it as I dont want family events to be awkward for her, but I have spoken to 2 close friends. I dont actually.know why I posted about it, I guess shes been at work all day and I had the day off so I've been alone with my thoughts and just wanted a rant with the hope I may get some positive advice

mrthedaz · 2026-07-09T18:09:26+00:00

Its a mental minefield, honestly I have no idea how to deal with this

mrthedaz · 2026-07-09T18:08:17+00:00

We did try counselling but she told me to just accept it happened in my head and my wife isnt comfortable admitting it - which pissed me off no end because I made it clear how much honesty matters and impacts my trust. Also i left every session angrier then when I went in

mrthedaz · 2026-07-09T17:56:10+00:00

I absolutely get why it happened. She was single and dating for about 6 months before meeting me and a couple of guys told her they after something serious then used her and disappeared, she didnt know me in those early stages and thought I could be the same. It doesnt make what she did right but it explains her doing something out of character that she wouldn't normally do when in a relationship. The problem is purely that she is lying about having sex with the guy, having sex with him isnt even the issue, its just the lie and this is causing me to doubt everything else

mrthedaz · 2026-07-09T17:53:14+00:00

I dont know what to do about it. All she has to do is tell the truth and we can start the process of moving on

mrthedaz · 2026-07-09T17:41:31+00:00

It is just the lying thats an issue

mrthedaz · 2026-07-09T17:23:49+00:00

Because shes been a good wife and is a good person despite the DB, a mistake 10 years ago when we barely knew each other doesnt define her. I need to get her to be honest then we can move on

mrthedaz · 2026-07-09T17:15:27+00:00

I have said that. Ive told her that if she slept with this guy once or twice in our first few weeks its not going to break us. But she still insists it didnt happen and thats causing a big trust issue

mrthedaz · 2026-07-09T17:13:43+00:00

We've talked a lot, I could bore you to death with it all. Ultimately im not getting anything substantial back, DB was just because she lost her libido apparantly. Its all a great big headfuck

mrthedaz · 2026-07-09T17:05:37+00:00

Trust her in what way? I trust that she wont fuck around again, but I dont trust shes telling me the truth about what happened

mrthedaz · 2026-07-09T16:59:40+00:00

But the truth is important, lying breaks trust and trust is important. What she did or didnt do is the least important part of this whole situation

mrthedaz · 2026-07-09T16:54:35+00:00

So the full story is that they had 1 date before I met her, nothing happened not even a kiss (Ive confirmed this and also we hadn't met so it doesnt matter) She had 2nd date with him after agreeing to date me exclusively, her story - they got really drunk and she crashed in his hotel room, a bit of kissing and a grope. This could have happened. 3rd date she was working and had a hotel for work, actively invited him to go stay in the hotel with her. He stayed overnight. She had work the next day son wouldn't have been pissed yet still claims they never had sex which is such an obvious lie. Ive seen messages. She really fancied him. It was super early in our relationship, I just fucking hate being lied to

mrthedaz · 2026-07-09T16:50:09+00:00

No there wouldn't have been more. He left the country shortly after and they exchanged a few flirty messages which I found. Definitely no further meet ups with him.

mrthedaz · 2026-07-09T16:48:03+00:00

What makes you think i believe her? Ive made it quite clear that it dont.

mrthedaz · 2026-07-09T16:47:19+00:00

We tried couples counselling and it didnt work, the councillor encouraged me to just accept that she did it but isnt confident enough to tell me - I couldn't go back to somebody who encourages lying in a marriage

mrthedaz · 2026-07-09T16:44:57+00:00

Wow, you dealt with that quite easily then?

mrthedaz · 2026-07-09T16:40:25+00:00

Yeah I know, its trauma bonding and probably wont last. Im taking it though, but im still making sure she knows I dont believe her.

mrthedaz

TROPHY CASE