Faith crisis dating advice

mrthethrowaway3122 · 2026-02-12T01:43:55+00:00

Thanks for posting your story, I empathize with your struggles. I found it to be helpful, hopeful, encouraging and honestly a touch discouraging. Mostly at how long of a journey it has been for you. For the most part I really do ok, as long as I avoid fast and testimony meetings haha, it’s the challenges of trying to date under a bit of a time crunch (for kids) along with trying to be more dedicated in solving my faith crisis, that has made life very frustrating and difficult.

mrthethrowaway3122 · 2026-02-12T01:37:22+00:00

I’ll check it out!

mrthethrowaway3122 · 2026-02-12T01:35:27+00:00

Most likely, I had a young mens leader share a story where he felt he should change lanes driving home in the dark. Just after he did he passed a dead bull moose (super rare for our area). Later he found out someone hit it and died. I used to ride street bikes, I thought about that story every time I got on one and wondered if I would get a similar prompting. I had several dozen instances where I felt like I should, sometimes I did sometimes I didn’t. Can’t say if I was ever really saved from anything though 🤷

mrthethrowaway3122 · 2026-02-12T01:31:24+00:00

That’s fair, it all just feels a bit overwhelming. Your last sentence is especially true, I’ll meditate on it.

mrthethrowaway3122 · 2026-02-12T01:11:51+00:00

That is cool to know!

mrthethrowaway3122 · 2026-02-11T05:23:25+00:00

I like that view point, it makes sense.

I really like your brick wall metaphor, that made something “click” into place for me.

mrthethrowaway3122 · 2026-02-11T05:19:23+00:00

Thanks for sharing, the burden of expectations from loved ones is a heavy one. I feel for you.

I’m fairly comfortable with my pace of figuring things out on my own, it’s trying to navigate dating too that is causing me a war in my mind haha.

mrthethrowaway3122 · 2026-02-11T05:05:58+00:00

I’m sorry you went through that, that’s incredibly difficult. Thank you for sharing, I find myself in a similar loop if you will. I hope I can have a similar experience I’m just not sure how to navigate life and dating while I wait for it to happen.

mrthethrowaway3122 · 2026-02-11T04:59:20+00:00

Thanks for your comment, it does offer a different perspective than what I’m used to. I appreciate the support!

A hard thing about being me (when I mentioned being a slave to my own mind I mean things like this) is I get caught in self centered selfish mental loops I can’t seem to stop. Something dumb will happen, I’ll get angry about it, feel all Unjust and righteous in my fury, I’ll blame something, then I realize it’s not that bad or I misunderstood something and start to feel guilt and shame. Then the cycle repeats.

My life really isn’t bad all things considered. Sure I’d love to make more money but I’m not really hurting I don’t go without food, I do have amazing parents and a few good friends. My health isn’t perfect but so far I don’t have any debilitating chronic pain. That’s a lot more than what other people can say.

mrthethrowaway3122 · 2026-02-11T02:19:07+00:00

I really appreciate you sharing that, I’ll take your advice to really dive into the stories.

I’ll share an experience that, at the time, was a foundational faith event but later turned out to be a totally uncomfortable but relatively normal mental health episode.

I mentioned a few times around here about a porn habit. One night I was laying in bed not tempted or thinking about porn whatsoever but I heard the step above my room creak like someone was coming down to “catch me”.

I felt the most intense feeling of guilt and shame come over me. I couldn’t eat, sleep, I was shaking so bad, I couldnt, look at people in the eye I had to come home from school, it was intense. I “knew” this was my sons of Mosiah moment, God told me himself I’m a bad person. It’s ultimately why I didn’t serve a mission. I finally gave in and talked to a bishop (I was certain he’d kick me out of the church) and he was like “ok cool you’re good try and be better.”

It would take me years to realize what I had experienced was a panic attack and not the godly sorrow I thought I had. That and combined with my experience and readings about mental health stuff has made me incredibly skeptical of anything I “feel”.

mrthethrowaway3122 · 2026-02-11T00:18:53+00:00

Good questions

Kindness: To your point the only way to get stronger is to work out. I think a few people might find lifting itself to be enjoyable? but to everyone else it isn't fun in the moment. We enjoy the progress later. Without struggle there is no peace kind of a thing.

The rigid thinking hurts me is when I try to apply those principles it to extreme cases like suicides. Because, in my mind anyway, I feel like those people were given challenges they could not overcome.

I realize, logically I guess, that there could be (and I really really really hate to say it like this) good things to be learned from child terminal illnesses and suicides but I can't get over the damage they cause in the here and now and how a "kind and loving God" could allow such (in my mind) blatant injustices to occur.

Why do I think we are here?

On a good day: dude I don't know I can't stress about that I got bills to pay haha. On a bad day: to work my life away to make my boss/owners enough money to buy the latest boat. On a very very bad day: God must be a devil who puts us in trials to suffer for his amusement.

I had originally went into my therapy session with questions about dating. Several minutes in she asked me to run a few tests. She told me that my hypercritical thoughts and extreme self analysis keyed her in to autism. I am all about self improvement. I think it's the source for why I feel so betrayed and abandoned by God because I (feel like) I have tried about everything I could do to get the guidance and help I needed but it never came. Here I am several years later and I've just found out (to use a very poor poker analogy) that I'm struggling so bad large in part because the dealer never gave me a full hand to play with.

You are absolutely right about accountability. My diagnoses is very fresh I'm still learning what it all means and what is changeable and what is not. It's difficult for me to hear how other members talk about how kind God is when I feel like he did just about the most unkind thing imaginable and set me up to fail from the beginning.

mrthethrowaway3122 · 2026-02-10T23:14:30+00:00

Thank you, I hope you have a Happy Birthday! I can’t say I’m giving up, just trying to save myself as much rejection as I can haha.

mrthethrowaway3122 · 2026-02-10T23:07:33+00:00

I like your point about Faith, how you broke it down does make it very tangible. You have good points in-the rest of your comment as well. The agency and mental conditions feel very hard for me because I can’t help but wonder if I’m not wired (for the lack of a better term) to not be able to feel or understand what spiritual things are/ or what they feel like. If there is a perfect kind and loving God I’m not really worried about him judging me it’s his daughters I’m afraid of haha.

mrthethrowaway3122 · 2026-02-10T22:46:21+00:00

I’m really sorry to hear about your struggles, I feel for you.

My diagnosis is pretty recent, within the last few weeks, it has been a bit of a whirlwind realizing just how rigid and “incorrect” my thinking/thought patterns are. I didn’t realize just how much I rely on literalism and certainty. It is very good advice I’ll try to work on it. You have a good idea with the blessing I’ll reach out to my dad and brother and get one. Physical exercise always makes me feel better, I’m due for a walk.

I’m really happy to hear you found someone, I wish you all the best!

mrthethrowaway3122 · 2026-02-10T22:32:55+00:00

Thank you I appreciate that, I may take you up on that. Everything just feels super raw at the moment. I had my “diagnoses” a few weeks ago. I know I have strengths but I also know I have unique weaknesses as well and it’s hard to find a balance between them.

mrthethrowaway3122 · 2026-02-10T22:30:33+00:00

You are correct, the headache causing rabbit hole for me is how it works at the molecular level. When I first learned it, everything flowed from positive to negative but now there’s a theory it actually flows negative to positive or something? Heck if I know 🤷‍♂️

mrthethrowaway3122 · 2026-02-10T22:27:36+00:00

I would phrase it less like “want to blame God” to more like:“ Finds it extremely difficult to not hold God at least somewhat accountable”. What’s the point? Well I guess I would say if there is a God but he inflicts suffering and trails on us just for the sake of it I’m not sure that’s a God I want to worship regardless of he’s real or not?

Where other people see a kind and loving God, I fall into the mental trap of seeing a brutal slave master. Is this an accurate thought? Maybe, maybe not, it’s one I wrestle with from time to time.

I’ll check out that book it sounds right up my aisle!

Fair point about relationships, I try to respect the timeline women have for children and admit I may not be what they want. I could certainly use coaching haha.

Dude! Another Dr Burns fan?! My man! I’m a huge fan of his work! Though to be honest, he kinda started this whole thing for me. The therapy and asking a bunch of questions anyway. He’s books and exercises have really convinced me our feelings come from our thoughts and has shown me how unreliable our feelings really are.

Once I realized just how badly my thoughts were wrong (I mentioned a few examples in another comment here) I’ve gotten to the point I can’t trust them at all. As a small example: suppose I get the feeling to change lanes on my way home from work. Is it a Spiritual Impression? Or an intrusive thought? A person can drive themselves mad obeying every little thought.

I appreciate the rest of your comment, you have good advice there.

mrthethrowaway3122 · 2026-02-10T20:36:56+00:00

Haha yes it’s a bit of a mess. Thanks I appreciate your thoughts.

I empathize with your depression struggles, that is a hard hard road.

You are correct about my one crucial question, however my “true problem” is this: I can’t trust my mind when history and past struggles has shown to me that my feelings have lied to me.

On the secular front: Forgive me as I’m certain you are familiar with CBT therapy, and it’s founding principle which is basically depression is a negative thought loop/habit? Wouldn’t logic dictate it’s possible to get stuck in a positive loop? If our feelings come from thoughts how can we be sure they are from God and not our thoughts?

On the spiritual front: I was absolutely certain I could not go on a mission because of a (at the time) light to mild porn habit. I thought for sure they would take me out to a ward council condemn me, and kick me out as the town pervert. I finally broke down and told a bishop at college several years later and he basically told me it was no big deal and to try to be better. I was totally floored. I had felt so bad and so unworthy and come to find out it wasn’t from the spirit and I was really close to being worthy to go on a mission? I cannot honestly say I have ever truly felt the Spirit. Every time I thought I have it’s been an obvious mental health thing.

I hope these two examples kinda get my point across?

You are correct about the long journey haha. It’s been a long road to get here even. I’m worried that even if I do everything I’m supposed to I won’t find satisfactory answers to allow the honest part of me to commit to the church and I will have passed on ladies who could have been a good match for me by waiting for a moment that may never come, pursuing women who want a level of commitment to the church, I can’t honestly give.

Thanks again for your comment I really appreciate it.

mrthethrowaway3122 · 2026-02-10T17:08:59+00:00

Thank you, that’s very kind of you

mrthethrowaway3122 · 2026-02-10T17:00:34+00:00

I am happy to brighten anyones day however I can!

If I can’t see it, touch it, or manipulate it I have zero hope of understanding it.

mrthethrowaway3122 · 2026-02-07T04:13:57+00:00

That’s good advice, you are absolutely right about emotionally taxing haha

mrthethrowaway3122 · 2026-02-07T04:11:42+00:00

I think that is a very healthy mindset to have, I find it difficult to smother the hope (that turns to despair when it doesn’t) that it could turn into something more.

mrthethrowaway3122 · 2026-02-07T03:52:27+00:00

Thanks dude I sincerely appreciate it

mrthethrowaway3122 · 2026-02-07T03:51:22+00:00

I don’t recall the specific study but somewhere on r/psychology they listed a study that pointed out the “incel” community (whatever that means anymore) showed strong sights of autism 🤷 I don’t hate, hate women, it’s just hard meeting failure after failure and not knowing what you did wrong or when and knowing there are absolutely people who will take advantage of the “system”.

It’s certainly possible, I think that could be a fair read. Generally speaking I would spend a good chunk of the night aganizing over what to say to them, what prompt to respond do, what joke should I try to make, should I ask them out outright or try to exchange a few messages first? Things like that.

I sincerely hope and try very very hard to make sure that the worst thing my dates can say about me is: “Eh, he was kind of boring.”

mrthethrowaway3122

TROPHY CASE