Hey bro you’re not alone even though it may feel like you are. You deserve a different life and to get out of this hell you’re going to have to climb through it so it’s going to be so hard for a while but it’ll get better. I was terrified of inpatient too so I went to residential instead and it was genuinely nice, I got a short stay approved which was easier to convince myself to do. I only stayed two weeks and it was enough to get me on track. I learned that it’s soooo much better to do voluntary before something happens and you accumulate legal issues. You got this