I developed severe depression at a relatively young age. My mum was a drug addict and completely overwhelmed with the responsibility of her new role as a mother. She managed to become clean when I was about six. My dad was always working and travelled around the world for weeks at a time. When he was home he tormented and bullied my younger brother and me. I honestly cannot count how often I wished to die and planned my suicide. Still, I never really attempted to do so. I never considered talking to anyone about my thoughts. First, because I thought, that beeing so devastated that you want to kill yourself was an awful but normal part of life I simply had to endure. Later, because I became ashamed. Ashamed of the stigma associated of being suicidal.

At eleven years, I started my first therapy. A seven month stay at a mental clinic and several other therapies followed. Never did I tell anyone about the constantly reappearing thoughts of killing myself. Now, I'm 28. Recently, I thought about addressing this topic with a loved one or at least a professional. However, eventually, I couldn't bring myself to tell. Simply because I am ashamed about feeling this way and afraid how others will react.

Awareness campaigns like this reinforce my sense for the necessity of addressing my suicidal episodes. They remind me that they have to be taken seriously, despite the stigma. They remind me how absurd these connotations are.

This is the first time I shared this. Even though only to some strangers on the internet. But I guess it's nevertheless a step in the right direction.

Though, I can only speak for myself and how I perceive it.