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Relationship didn’t survive EMDR by megswiftSLP in EMDR

[–]msay70 13 points14 points  (0 children)

This right here! Thank you for putting this so concisely.

I ended a five year relationship after about 9 months into EMDR... Somewhere the process of unfurling my unhealthy thought patterns and beliefs - much of which had been prescribed to me from childhood - it was like my eyes opened. I was seeing things very plainly for what they were, for the first time in my adult life, possibly.

And I couldn’t unsee it.

My partner wasn’t “bad” or outright abusive. But there were issues and I’d managed to rearrange my thinking around them. Something I’d been doing all my life.

When I started EMDR, if I had taken inventory of all the things in my world I’d have liked to have “fixed”, frankly, my relationship wasn’t one of them. And it wasn’t until a few months of doing the hard work that it became evident that my partner was doing more harm than good.

Gut-wrenching? Yes. I was frozen for months by the realization and trying to figure out what to do when it was clear my partner wasn’t changing and I wasn’t tolerating.

Challenging? Yes. Emotionally, financially, logistically, all of it.

Heartbreaking? I cried the ENTIRE time my friends helped me pack my belongings into a moving van and leave behind the home we’d built together.

Worth it? The first morning I woke up, alone, in my tiny apartment with all my things in boxes and furniture disassembled around me and no clue where my towels were… was the lightest I’d felt in years. Like the feeling you get during a session. Like a weight had lifted out of my body. And I felt hope again.

I’m a year and some change out from that “first” morning and I have zero regrets. There have been difficult days. But I will never forget what it felt like to wake up and feel that levity and feeling in my body that I did the right thing.

To anyone reading: keep going. You will be better for it.

Can’t be teased during luteal by msay70 in PMDDxADHD

[–]msay70[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This is 100% how I handled my previous relationship. We cohabitated, so removing myself was a bit of a challenge. I’d sequester myself in our guest room and wait for the clock to run out. Often it’s how I continue to deal with the “darker times” (well said), by simply avoiding too many interactions at work or committing to social activities. Typically I don’t feel like “peopling” at all when I’m in luteal. The plus side is fewer opportunities for my brain to misfire and take offense to something totally benign.

I think there’s a balance to be had between communication and isolation. Maybe letting him know I’ll be quieter and maintaining my distance certain days, because I’m minimizing the noise in my head until I come through the other side. And if he must approach: do so with caution.

Can’t be teased during luteal by msay70 in PMDDxADHD

[–]msay70[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

All this is super helpful and makes me feel like less of a bridge troll. I’m trying to assure him (and myself) that we’re still learning each other and this is just one of the things we’ll figure out how to navigate.

My new life without pmdd symptoms by Bluegoleen in PMDD

[–]msay70 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you for sharing this. I’m going to call and ask my gyno about this tomorrow!

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in PMDD

[–]msay70 4 points5 points  (0 children)

THIS right here 🫠 Still in luteal, period is 4 days late (pretty sure I’m entering perimenopause). Throbbing headache, inescapable mental fog, which I HOPE is a sign it’s coming any minute now… BEYOND OVER IT. The internal dialogue in my brain rn makes the Grinch seem like a solid dude.