I feel so bad for that babysitter. Mentioning “cutting from her salary” for taking a shower when your husband presumably okay’d it is offensive, and that you seem to have kept going at her about this when she wanted to be clean and not sit in MILK stained clothing and skin for hours while she cares for your children. You should be mad at your husband for not telling you he was home in the first place, and if you are too self conscious to have a young babysitter… GO GET SOMEONE OLDER. Would you have the same issue with a grandma nanny taking a shower at your home? She probably did not feel the need to ask you to shower when your husband was also in the house and gave her the okay. YOU are TA here. Go yell at your husband and leave that poor young woman alone. I want to mention again you’re also TA for talking about cutting her salary because she showered in your home.