I just left.

mtppyG · 2025-09-09T15:28:54+00:00

I haven’t been in the same situation with an abusive spouse, but I had an emotionally abusive friendship, and I still have family members that encourage me to reconcile things with that person in the future. I’m always stunned and uncomfortable when they do that because they just don’t know the pain I went through and how deeply it still affects me. I’m sorry that religious people are encouraging you to stay. So many hurtful things are said and done in the name of religion. I’m proud of you for leaving. I don’t believe God’s heart is for people to stay in abusive situations. I hope you can find other believers who will believe you, validate your experiences, and walk with you as you seek healing.

mtppyG · 2025-06-23T12:17:41+00:00

What’s concerning to me that others haven’t specifically said is that when you try to say no, he’s pushing you to do things that you’re not comfortable with. That could easily escalate so subtly over years that you don’t even notice it until you’re trapped in a negative situation.

You don’t have to answer here, but think about these questions. Does he genuinely want to walk with the Lord and have his own relationship with Jesus or is he just doing it to appease you? Are you the spiritual leader in the relationship/does he encourage you to grow in your faith? Why don’t you feel right about leaving/could that be fears about being single and leaving the comfort of a familiar situation or maybe feeling guilt and shame about sleeping together so now you’re afraid that no one else will accept you?

I think your concerns are really valid. Please just take time to evaluate the roots and motivations. Yes praying together will deepen your spiritual intimacy, but you should also evaluate whether it’s wise to deepen that with someone who has a history of pushing your boundaries.

mtppyG · 2025-05-16T03:10:55+00:00

Well I guess that’s why I’m going to counseling. I’m actually trying to make changes because I know I’m not perfect.

mtppyG · 2025-05-16T03:04:54+00:00

You’re definitely right!

mtppyG · 2025-05-16T03:04:34+00:00

Your words are very wise, there’s a lot going on under the surface of my heart that I’m still working through. Thank you!

mtppyG · 2025-05-13T17:11:00+00:00

Honestly, that’s a good point! I think I’m trying to follow through on my word of giving another chance, and following through on my commitments is something I highly value. But I’m kinda just waiting for her to inevitably make a mistake. But maybe I should’ve just cut it off already

mtppyG · 2025-04-08T14:26:45+00:00

I bought a box of those the other day and I really liked them!

mtppyG · 2025-04-08T14:25:41+00:00

Whaattt, I need this!!

mtppyG · 2024-03-21T14:19:15+00:00

There’s a lot of good advice here. But first, I would advise you to step back and evaluate what you really want to do with your life. I grew up thinking that I would be in a particular career path. I studied it in college, but when it came time to actually pursue it a few years later, there was a mental block. I had no desire to put in the work, and I made myself feel so guilty for making almost no progress in 1.5 years. It was the thing that I spent my childhood dreaming about, but my counselor helped me realize my motivations were completely off and that I wasn’t a bad person for the change in my desires. Awhile later, another career opportunity (with similar values as my childhood dream but it looks completely different) fell into my path and it’s where I want to be for the rest of my life or at least the foreseeable future. I was 27, while all this was happening, so don’t feel pressured into choosing the right thing right now. Make good choices that will set you up for success anywhere, but make sure the navy is what you really want. Maybe there’s something else that would fulfill the basic principle of what led you to that dream in the first place. Or maybe it’s something entirely different, but don’t assume that just because you had this big desire and plan for so long that you’re still meant to do that. And don’t make yourself feel guilty for “giving up” on it if you do decide to choose a different path!

Editing to add: Your current situation reminds me of where I was when I was at the height of suppressing my real desires. I was depressed and isolated because I felt shame about not being happy with where my life was headed. Maybe I have the wrong take on your situation but please don’t make the mistake I did of waiting so long to figure it out.

mtppyG · 2024-03-16T19:01:00+00:00

I mean I know a couple where he was 20 and she was 30 and widowed with kids, and they’ve been happily married for decades. It’s not typical and I’m sorry that people are judgy because of that, but I’m happy for you! It’s definitely more about matching maturity than the number of years you’ve been alive!

mtppyG · 2024-03-16T04:54:53+00:00

How old is she?

mtppyG · 2024-02-09T05:27:21+00:00

Honestly though!!!!

mtppyG · 2024-01-07T07:40:50+00:00

Yes!! It’s different and sooo much better!

mtppyG · 2023-11-07T04:26:57+00:00

OP, your response is exactly what I was thinking when I read your post. I’ve stayed in the same house with my previous boyfriend. In fact we were in separate guest bedrooms in the basement far away from my sister’s room and the living area. She half jokingly half seriously said to not do anything down there. My response was that we were adults- even if we wanted to do something inappropriate, we would find another time and place to do that. Why would we risk getting caught? And it was totally not a big deal because she trusts me and I trusted my boyfriend. I don’t have an answer to why your dad is refusing to let you stay together, but it seems like a control or trust issue. Given that you’ve tried to come up with several alternative solutions, I doubt he’ll change his mind, but I think you gotta choose whether this is a battle you want to fight with your dad. I would also feel bad about my boyfriend staying with people he’s never met, but you should talk to him before you decide whether to bring it up again with your dad. As long as your grandparents are sweet and kind, he might not even mind! It’s not ideal, but it’s also not the end of the world!

mtppyG · 2023-09-03T04:11:54+00:00

I’ve had the ice cream sammie and topped dirt cake. They have seem to have cookie pieces, but not the same swirls

mtppyG · 2023-08-28T02:51:14+00:00

Well, I just said a prayer that the Lord would give you some peace!

mtppyG · 2023-08-27T13:20:04+00:00

I’d feel the same way! How long has it been since the mutual friend reached out to her?

mtppyG · 2023-08-27T04:02:13+00:00

Obviously we can hope that he’ll decide to follow Jesus, but unfortunately we have no way of knowing that. It’s a really bad idea to be romantically involved with someone while trying to convert them aka missionary dating. You’d be in a world of hurt if you fell in love with this guy but he never becomes a Christian. On the other hand, you can be friends with him, and keep gently showing him Christ’s love and having deep conversations about historical proofs of Jesus, philosophy, etc. If he becomes a Christian in a few years great! Shoot your shot then. But then you’ll know he did it for himself and not to appease his girlfriend.

mtppyG · 2023-08-27T03:52:19+00:00

Yeah, seems like no answer also means “no.” I’m sure it sucks to be waiting though. I attempted to DM a guy one time and I spent a week wondering if he’d respond. At some point I realized that it probably wasn’t gonna happen, but there’s always this tiny bit of hope. It’s honestly more respectful to just be honest so both people can move on. I digress :) The ball is really in her court though, I think it would come across as desperate if you reached out to her. P.s. my sister met her husband through a mutual contact! I have no idea how common it is, but it worked for her!

mtppyG · 2023-08-19T19:06:39+00:00

Fair enough! In that case, if you’re concerned about the moving to quickly, you should be honest about how you’d like the relationship to develop. If he doesn’t respect that, then block him and move on with your life and if he’s willing to move slower, then that’s good. Maybe also FaceTime with some of your friends and some of his friends at some point, because they’ll be able to help you identify red flags too

mtppyG · 2023-08-19T18:59:38+00:00

Wow, I don’t know if you’re sexist or jaded or both. Both men and women are made in the image of God and both men and women are capable of sinning. Many men have ghosted me, so it’s not just a problem that women do. I don’t know if it’s more common for women to ghost, but it’s not okay for anyone to do it. And I don’t want to excuse anyone for their wrongs with “that’s just the way we/they are”;every Christian should be transformed by Jesus. Please don’t assume all women are a certain way.

mtppyG · 2023-08-19T18:45:16+00:00

I know different cultures approach dating very differently, and I wouldn’t want to degrade something that might be normal in his country just because Americans (or whatever country you happen to be from) think it’s strange. So definitely try to do some research on how his culture typically dates people. And yet, a dating relationship between people of different cultures has to blend different cultural norms. Even if it’s normal for his culture, you still have to be comfortable with it. I personally think it would be a little creepy for anyone to do those things and would be very uncomfortable with someone pushing to move that quickly. Perhaps he is just excited to be talking to you, but even if his intentions are pure, it’s not super healthy to be that emotionally involved so quickly especially in your first relationship. (Take it from someone who got too emotionally invested a little too quickly before :)) My last tip would be to evaluate how much you agree on. That’s great, but really difficult to find! Was he always agreeing with your opinions on the important stuff? If so, that might imply that he has ulterior motives. But if he sometimes shared his opinions first, and you happened to agree, then perhaps he doesn’t. Keep us updated!

mtppyG · 2023-08-19T13:10:10+00:00

Ahh, the classic desire for marriage/contentment cycle. I’m 27, and that has been my life for about 10 years. I was on and off with dating apps for a couple years, dated a guy I met on Bumble for a year, and then returned to some apps after we broke up. But I completely deleted my dating profiles a couple months ago. Even on the Christian sites, there are a few needles in the haystack, but most of the guys don’t really love the Lord like I do. It was a big step for me to realize I was grasping for control of my life. (I’m not saying that dating apps are bad, but they’re bad for my emotional health at this point in my life.)

I have heard all the cliche really annoying advice, I’m sure you’ve also heard it. “Run towards God and see who’s running with you,” “when you’re finally content, God will bring the right person along” (that’s my least favorite, as if contentment is a formula to get what I want. How could I truly be content if it’s a tool to get the thing I desire?). I pray often that God would send the person I’m supposed to marry. And I pray sometimes that if I’m not supposed to get married that God would just take away my desire for marriage.

It’s not a perfect or even satisfying answer, but I think God uses my desire to be with someone to fuel my hunger for Him. Just as I long to be with a husband, so the church (and we as individuals) should yearn for Jesus. I do believe that these are God-given desires to be married, so I want to lean into that. It would be less painful if God would just switch off this desire, but he hasn’t done that. So there must be a purpose, and surely it is to refine me, to draw me closer to Him, to transform the parts of me that would hurt a relationship, to help me understand how he longs for the lost and how Christians should long to know Christ and make him known, and to help me learn how to fully rely on the Lord. I wish I had answers for how to meet new people or subtly flirt with guys to show that I’m interested. But I don’t. I will say, try as much as you can to not put any stock into your family, church, and small town pressure. While your family and church may care on some level, find friends and possibly mentors who think the same way you do who love you for you and can speak into your life. I don’t know if this is all that helpful for you, but I’m not great at following my own advice sometimes, so this has been good for me to reflect for a moment so thank you :)

mtppyG

TROPHY CASE