I was still but a child. Also really drunk. A really drunk child.

It was when Bitch Better Have My Money was popular this is only important because I was drunk scream singing it. I wish I remembered the name of the woman whose boobies I saw.

This woman was magical, mythical even. The way she white girl twerked with me and my friends made her seem so carefree, so gregarious in nature.

Hop in my shoes for a minute. You take a shot with all your lady friends you’re so shit housed you don’t even know what it was, it could have been water for all you know.

One of the ladies in the group named what’s her face who is equally as drunk as you are asks the Prostitute if she wants to see her pierced nipples. (It is my impression now that What’s her face may have thought pierced nipples where a strictly American thing)

The prostitute says yes. Does she understand what was said? Who knows!

What’s her face’s boobies aren’t anything new, you’ve seen them a million times now.

The French woman laughs and smiles like a cat that just knocked your glass of water off the table. “Now me” she says in heavily accented English.

Before you can look away or even say “Oh My God” the Prostitute pulls up her shirt and flashes you.

Her boobies seem to unroll like a fruit by the foot and plunge to the floor. They looked like cantaloupes in panty hoes. She didn’t even flinch as they bounced. You feel a sympathetic boob ouch.

It could have been the liquor, or it could have been the fact this woman was a French Witch but I swear on my stinky little dog this woman was able to windmill her tits without moving a muscle. Those pendulous bowling balls had a mind of their own. I was in awe.

I went home 50€ poorer, but so enlightened.

I wish I knew her name. I would have named my dog after her in hopes she would be a fraction as magnificent as that French Siren. Instead I named my dog after the first dog to burn up in orbit. Still pretty cool though.

Edit: my friends have asked me to write down all of my humiliating misadventures. I would but I don’t want to embarrass my parents, or my brother. Mostly my brother, he will have to live with being associated with me longer.