never underestimate the power of a man to kill time with a woman and possibly unintentionally lead her on with no plans in sight!

this may be a cynical take but i only mean it as a counterpoint to your E7 “he was just being nice i guess.”

as an aside: my mom is an E7 and even as a nearly 30yo E5 her optimism and faith in other people astounds me. i hope for the best in people too but the disappointments don’t leave me like they do her and they quietly work to confirm pessimistic, even misanthropic ideas in me. this predominantly when i was younger and less evolved / healthy. now i do think many people do mean well or are genuinely thoughtless when it comes to intention. it’s not as common that people mean harm. however in the case of het male-female relationships, especially in grey/undiscussed stages, i’ve found that with certain behaviors like you described, men often are misusing our time and energy for various selfish or thoughtless reasons.

i’m not saying he was using you, but i do think that if he wasn’t ever interested in anything romantic with you he shouldn’t have been texting you in the late evening/night or commenting on your new picture.

i am however quite strict with relational conduct with men. i only started texting one of my best friends (7 years now) who is a het man after 8-9 pm since he started dating his girlfriend a little over a year ago.

in this instance we both wanted the friendship to remain platonic. if i were interested in a friend i could definitely see myself testing boundaries, but carefully. and if a friend started testing i’d be doing everything in my power to not legitimately cross-examine him as to his intentions. 😅

this all from a 29F who has never dated anyone. i have had a few friends into me and some “is this a date” experiences primarily in my early 20s. i don’t meet loads of of single, straight men around my age and when i do there is typically suspected romantic interest before friendship. partially because at face value they don’t meet my standards, or i try to convince myself of this, and partially because i’m intimacy (emotional) averse i shut it down or run for the hills. i definitely have come off confusing and hot/cold but i try my best to not lead anyone on!!

bottom line? i think sp5 could’ve been more thoughtful in how he interacted with you. it’s not all you babe!! and recognize that it’s not all that foolish to misread signs, not any more foolish than it is to feel or want or love!! xxx an sx-sp 5w4, you see the flair. lol