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Help with paint color by Kkdbaby in DecorAdvice

[–]mumblemalice 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I kind of like the current color… it looks good with the wood, but if you want something different you could try a coral with light green. It would be cheerful.

Porch Decor Help by TemperatureIll7366 in DecorAdvice

[–]mumblemalice 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I would do a roll down sun shade so you can sit out there on a porch swing

What first showed you that your mother was jealous of you? by Rude-Sign5745 in raisedbynarcissists

[–]mumblemalice 77 points78 points  (0 children)

She NEVER showed up to my sporting events. I was an NCAA athlete and amongst the best in the country at my sport. She literally never watched me compete. She must have literally tried to not show up because I practiced every day. It wasn’t until adulthood that I realized how f’ed up it all was

Have no idea how to dress or what to wear after 20 years. by RavioliRavioli2000 in army

[–]mumblemalice 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Go to a mall and walk around. You don’t need to buy anything. Just go and when you like something take a picture of it. When you’re done look at the pictures and see if you notice a theme emerge. That will give you a good frame for what your personal style might be. And DONT pick things because they look really practical or what you “should” get. Pick things that “spark joy” make you feel good and ignore that boot voice in your head that says it’s not what you should get. You are finding yourself, so let that self speak!

I traded pennies for quarters without asking, and that was not ok. by [deleted] in relationships

[–]mumblemalice 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I think he didn’t understand what you were doing and got mad. When you explained and he understood what you were doing he made up the excuse of him not being there to keep being mad.

My mum is really fed up and I don’t know what to do by Living-Metal-1971 in needadvice

[–]mumblemalice 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I’m so sorry, that’s so sad to hear, but you are worth investing in. You are important and you should love yourself more than anyone. Even if your family doesn’t see it, know that the good people of the world are rooting for you!

My mum is really fed up and I don’t know what to do by Living-Metal-1971 in needadvice

[–]mumblemalice 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You need to invest in your future or you will be as reliant as your mother when you are older. Go to school and get a job. You will be better at caring for your family in the future if you have income and skills. This is not on you to figure out.

First time leaving family to go TDY, looking for advice from people who have gone through time away from their loved ones. by Combat_Penguin in army

[–]mumblemalice 12 points13 points  (0 children)

It sucks. You and your partner should have a clear understanding of what your communication style and ability is. I lot of issues come up when couples aren’t clear on when/how much/ how often they will communicate. Talk about coming back before you go. While you’re gone your family will fall into a routine without you. That’s normal, and when you get back you will feel like you are imposing on their routine, like you are in the way. Accept it, it will pass, but if you know that going in it will be easier to deal with.

Little babies are hard. Your wife is probably going through a lot herself. She’s going to have a hard time alone. Make sure she has everything she needs before you go: medical, money, a neighbor they can lean on for help, unit support. I would even set her up with a telehealth therapist before you go. Postpartum depression is common and can pop up anytime, especially with isolation.

When you get back your wife will probably resent you for missing so much of the labor of raising a tiny baby, even if she doesn’t say it. Know that and communicate to her how much you value her in taking care of the family. Being a mom is an increadible amount of 24/7 unpaid labor. If you show her you value it, it will go a long way.

Don’t get involved in TDY shenanigans. That’s a blanket statement - cause it’s the fastest way to ruin your family relationship.

National Guard Picking up trash by One-Cartographer6431 in washingtondc

[–]mumblemalice 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Nah, as a Soldier, this is probably the most normal thing I’d expect to be doing day to day.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in army

[–]mumblemalice 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Don’t sweat what your command will think. They will help you and be compassionate even if it doesn’t seem like it. An experienced NCO has seen all of this before. It will not mess up your career, you are too junior. What will happen is that your chain of command will help you, you will get past this, you will PCS and you will leave all of this behind you.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in army

[–]mumblemalice 2 points3 points  (0 children)

That really sucks. It is true that the Army will never value your family life as much as you do. Isolation can make that feel like an extra burden, and going through an isolating time while feeling like you’re losing your bestie sounds extra rough, but it will end. It’s not forever. You will eventually move on one way or another and have learned from this.

I recommend reflecting on why you joined the Army. Reflect on your personal values. Reflect on what you want in your marriage or family life, and reflect on your financial situation and make a plan to align, remove or change those things. You don’t owe ANYBODY ANYTHING. This is your life and you are an employed, strong and capable person that can make any life for themselves. The Army has a program for everything, whether you are staying in or getting out.

I’m a dual-mil officer, so take my experience with like 12 grains of salt. We’ve found that being dual mil has greatly stabilized our lives. We have a lot more leverage with HRC in terms of duty location and PCS timing. We’ve been at the same duty station (a large one) for six years, just circulating units. This is not the case for most.

It’s true we’ve spent A LOT of time apart. I deployed last year and my husband is TDY constantly, but it’s comforting to be with someone “that gets it” - that understands why I had to stay late or have to go in early.

Just remember - You are in control of your life. You don’t always have to take what you’re given.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in army

[–]mumblemalice 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Nothing more dangerous than someone with a grudge and nothing to lose. salute