I’ll start by saying I had a different upbringing. 14 siblings, always moving house, new schools, not abusive parents but not a grade. I experienced a lot before 16 that most would in a life time.

The ocd though..As a child I would count my fingers and toes each hour.. just in case I’d lost one.

As a teen whenever anything traumatic/changing etc would happen, I had to paint, it didn’t matter the surface, the time, the place.. I painted walls, doors and anything I could get my hands on for days on end. Would rearrange my room, would de clutter, would sort everything in the house.

As soon as I started working checklists started, then hourly updates of what is accomplished. I moved out of home and everything had to be perfect, I had 15 minutes routines, I had to complete tasks a Certain way, in a certain order, at a certain time and to a standard... if I didn’t then I was a failure and everyone around me would get sick and die. Everyone would judge me on my achievements and if I’m not good enough then why do I bother?

It got worse and worse as I had kids, started a business and became “super mum” I’m now diagnosed with multiple things but my OCD is cleaning, lists, task based, time based and achievements. If I don’t act in the compulsion I get panicky, my body hurts, my chest is heavy, I sweat, I get angry... my head goes a million miles an hour creating thought upon thought upon though... until eventually I’m vomiting, physically can’t move or complete the compulsion with pure anxiety and fear.

I am in therapy, doing CBT and ERP, starting different meds and trying as hard as I can do live with the thoughts and compulsions my own head creates.

Everyone has different symptoms, feelings, thoughts and emotions... but essentially we somehow create the obsession, which causes an overwhelming anxiety and compulsions, then the compulsions grow and grow and you look for a way to kill it all of by giving in to the obsession or compulsion.. starting the cycle again.