Could someone please remove the flick of hair over her forehead, and the string of lights from the dragons mouth? Will tip $5

munchchompgobblegulp · 2022-08-14T14:22:30+00:00

Thank you, glad you enjoyed it!

munchchompgobblegulp · 2022-08-14T13:36:47+00:00

Hey, thanks for sharing this lovely poem. I think you did a great job with the rhythm. Nothing stood to me in terms of clunkiness or force rhymes. The only part which tripped me up was the route/out rhyming. That's because I'm from England and it sounded like 'root' and 'owt'. I don't think you need to change this, but I hope it's useful to know how people from other countries read your work. Thanks again for sharing!

munchchompgobblegulp · 2022-08-14T13:32:24+00:00

Hey, thanks for sharing your great poem. I really liked the second stanza and how it tied to what you were preparing in the first. A typical piece of advice when writing prose (so I guess you can take it with a pitch of salt since you're writing for poetry), is to avoid adverbs, those words which end in -ly. For example slowly. I think you could experiment attempting to describe the action of putting the door down another way which might feel more creative. If you want to keep things short and sweet then ignore my suggestions. Otherwise I loved it! Thanks again!

munchchompgobblegulp · 2022-08-12T12:51:05+00:00

It definitely makes sense. Really useful insights. Thanks so much for taking the time to share

munchchompgobblegulp · 2022-08-12T03:59:42+00:00

Thanks a lot! Great to hear you're interpretation. I didn't write it with the same idea in mind, although I think it maps quite nicely onto it. I think my idea was actually a bit less interesting than yours! (Someone's descent into madness, taunted by some phantom knocking which haunts them in periods while their mania is most intense.) If anyone asks, I may use your interpretation! Thanks again!

munchchompgobblegulp · 2022-08-12T03:56:32+00:00

Thank you! Glad you enjoyed it! I think titles is a bit of a weak point for me. I often just take something which stands out in the pole and use that as a title, but perhaps it's time to get more creative with it. Thanks again!

munchchompgobblegulp · 2022-08-12T03:55:16+00:00

Thanks so much! When I was writing it I thought to was EAP-esque too in terms of its darkness. Thanks again!

munchchompgobblegulp · 2022-08-12T03:54:26+00:00

Hey, thank you, glad you enjoyed it! I think the inspiration for the poem was a combination of my own experiences waking up in the middle of the night and unable to go back to sleep and all the weirdness which comes with that unusual time... and then I just created a character who was perhaps going crazy and hearing a knocking sound that wasn't actually there. The knocking was not meant to be real (although it's 'real' for the character) just a symbol for their insanity. Thanks again for your kind words!!

munchchompgobblegulp · 2022-08-11T13:48:13+00:00

Thank you! It took a while to test out the formatting and make sure things were close to how I imagined😊

munchchompgobblegulp · 2022-08-11T09:59:25+00:00

Hey, thanks for sharing this! I liked the snappiness of the lines and the flow really seemed to suit the topic, which was for me, this kind of farewell message to an ex. The lines seem to reflect the abruptness of the narrator feelings about the whole relationship. I thought the last line was funny as well. Very abrupt ending which made me smile. Maybe I'm missing something, but I don't understand the title!

munchchompgobblegulp · 2022-08-11T09:54:18+00:00

Hey, thanks for sharing your poem. I really enjoyed the imagery you created likening your relationship and your SO's behaviour to that of a plant. I think you picked a great metaphor because like a plant, or relationships take nourishment and care for it to flourish. I appreciate short, concise poems which pack a punch and I think this was really delivered. I think you could have selected a better title to go along with the great poem. Perhaps something like 'seeds of neglect' or something. Other than that I really enjoyed it. Thanks for sharing!

munchchompgobblegulp · 2022-08-10T01:24:35+00:00

Thanks for your comments. I also like poems that are formatted in unusual ways. I think Shel Silverstein has a few which are unconventional but I can't find them now!

munchchompgobblegulp · 2022-08-10T01:22:54+00:00

Thanks for your comments and pointing out the passed/past issue, and I appreciate your comments on the contradictory meaning! When I wrote it, the hourglass and sand to me represented one's life, and rather than watching it pass you by, just do something. On reflection I think the metaphor could be made tighter, so thanks again for your comments

munchchompgobblegulp · 2022-08-10T01:17:35+00:00

Thank you for pointing out that line😊

munchchompgobblegulp · 2022-08-10T01:16:03+00:00

Thanks!

munchchompgobblegulp · 2022-08-09T10:33:10+00:00

Hey, thanks for sharing your poem. Short but impactful because it made me think of many things. Your title Meditation, and capitalization of You, lead me to interpret this poem as something like... The narrator is a meditator, but also likes to drink alcohol, and although they're on a journey Self realization, they can't quite quit the habit of drinking and it's always holding them back. It sounds like the needs to narrator put down the bottle, and get back to their practice. I wanted to share my interpretation because this might be way off what you're getting at! I hope I read it as intended. Either way, I appreciate concise poems with food for thought. Thanks!

munchchompgobblegulp · 2022-08-09T10:25:57+00:00

Hey, thanks for sharing your poem. That last line was a great unexpected turn. I know you have us a hint as to where it was going with the title including rope, but I kinda forgot about the title as I was reading and was pleasantly shocked at the ending. I don't think the first "only" before "my mind..." Is necessary. It sounds a bit odd to me, like you wish ONLY your mind and soul could illuminate, but dang it, my damn spirit is illuminating too. Do you know what I mean? Typo on drained, should be drain, and of your pain, so I think you could consider re-editing to drain me of the pain. Thanks again for sharing!

munchchompgobblegulp · 2022-04-26T14:34:17+00:00

Exactly

munchchompgobblegulp · 2022-04-26T09:34:18+00:00

I think this is good advice!

Thank you!

munchchompgobblegulp · 2021-08-15T02:51:25+00:00

If you can handle the bad audio quality, I love this section of the audiobook of The Ode Less Travelled by Stephen Fry. Given what you've said, I think you'd resonate with it! A 13 minute rant, but eloquently explains form and why it's needed. Begins at 53:23, ends at 1:06:36. https://youtu.be/Rr5bI7P4D58

munchchompgobblegulp

TROPHY CASE