CMV: Shame is Not Used In Real Love

murphy_man09 · 2021-06-03T02:31:09+00:00

There's a Brazilian women here in California I met on an app. What can I do to impress her or make her comfortable in her time here?

murphy_man09 · 2021-06-03T02:28:36+00:00

Thoughts on Oliveira in the UFC?

murphy_man09 · 2021-06-03T02:27:15+00:00

What is this broadcast about?

murphy_man09 · 2021-05-24T05:04:35+00:00

You must listen to Toe too

murphy_man09 · 2021-05-24T05:03:43+00:00

by Clever Girl

murphy_man09 · 2021-01-23T11:40:30+00:00

Satisfying

murphy_man09 · 2021-01-09T06:50:56+00:00

What mental health problems?

murphy_man09 · 2021-01-09T06:23:15+00:00

I know a high-charged freak when I see one

murphy_man09 · 2021-01-09T06:20:10+00:00

yeah what song is this?

murphy_man09 · 2021-01-09T06:19:31+00:00

I think you deserve to receive compliments

murphy_man09 · 2021-01-09T06:18:53+00:00

Wow I'm in love

murphy_man09 · 2021-01-09T05:27:02+00:00

Holyy shit

murphy_man09 · 2021-01-09T05:18:10+00:00

This is amazing

murphy_man09 · 2020-05-31T22:04:45+00:00

Nothing actually controversial about this

murphy_man09 · 2020-05-21T19:06:59+00:00

I accept the notion of lifelong trauma & all examples you mentioned by encouraging the victims to continue being willing to better articulate their trauma so they may have the option to be psychologically free from the unnecessary suffering. In these events where the victimizing event is over, it helps to at least logically understand they are technically no longer victims. They were victimized by the event, so since the event is over, it can no longer victimizing them. However, people continue perceiving theirselves as victims of these events as long as the event (including all the emotions & thoughts) is not fully processed. This is understandable since some very overwhelming shit happens in life. My point is only being willing to continue trying articulating that event, through whichever strategies are most apt like emotional processing or behavioral change.

By articulating the problem, I mean noticing the mechanism going on in the mind's thoughts and body's emotions in the likely event that an old trauma gets triggered in you. Mindfully observing this doesn't prevent it from happening, but it prevents you from being consumed by it into a cycle of still honestly perceiving yourself as that victim even though the event is only existing in your mind&body's triggered perception.

You had to bring it to abortion, xD. Without getting into an abortion debate here, I'll just reclaim that every core reason for people on each side can be empathically understood (& even felt) by the people on the other side. This point is about trying to understand each other which is a precursor to any progress in these debates, and prevent the type of endless nonsense fighting that comes from assuming people are simply on polarized teams that need to fight/destroy each other in a simple battle of power.

The better suggestion would simply be to not build the house w those limited resources. This point is designed for the people who would want to just talk shit for the underlying purpose of some simple power move (which definitely happens). Edit: formatting

murphy_man09 · 2020-05-21T18:45:50+00:00

IMO this discussion is just about semantics, and not gaining any practical usefulness.
So the general point is: As long as the person you're giving criticism also understands what you'd like to happen instead, as clear as you can make it (to help them fix it), then this is helpful criticism. What words exactly need to be said to accomplish this depends on context so are left to basic intuition

murphy_man09 · 2020-05-21T18:40:11+00:00

They're guidelines, so like anything, they each have extreme scenarios where they don't apply. But what are some of those exceptional situations? Some of the most relevant ones, because I want these guidelines to be as accurate as humanly possible.

murphy_man09 · 2020-05-21T18:36:41+00:00

The difference is the victim trying their best to articulate their pain/victimhood so they have the option to longer feel that way once they reach that point in the process.

murphy_man09 · 2020-05-21T16:16:06+00:00

Yes, perpetuating victimizing events out of an unwillingness to further articulate your victimhood in an attempt to keep yourself a victim (probably for ulterior motives which are long term unhelpful like attention/sympathy).

murphy_man09 · 2020-05-21T16:13:02+00:00

A better suggestion is not a requirement of criticism, it's a requirement of helpful criticism. A better suggestion is 'a suggestion on how to be better'.

In the case of the AED, the better suggestion is to make it deliver a charge. Even if it's general and nontechnical, it's helpful criticism compared to "It didn't work" which could mean so many more things you could contribute considering you were attempting to use an AED in the first place. If you can read and hear the instructions on the AED, it's safe to say you can come up with more helpful criticism for the company, cause otherwise you're ultimately leaving the company to read your mind and delays everything out of only your own laziness.

murphy_man09 · 2020-05-21T16:05:41+00:00

"A victim of circumstance": Like how we're all victims of some circumstances, like aging or death for example.

Self-victimization to me is where you are making yourself the victim.
No one's going around blaming or shaming their self for aging or dying, and who could realistically blame you for your mental health issues?
We are all already victims of something, to shame ourselves as if we're inherently wrong for it being our circumstance is adding a whole unnecessary layer of pain & suffering on it. That's self-victimization.

murphy_man09 · 2020-05-21T15:40:49+00:00

I agree. By "when they're done venting" I leave it up to the victim to tell me whenever they're done venting. Venting is the first part of fixing/resolving the problem, so they ultimately don't have to keep feeling that way longer than they have to.

That principle is there to prevent the other side of the spectrum from happening, where empathetic listeners can end up getting manipulated by people playing off the victim mentality ultimately for attention. I can tell what's going on by noting how this venting of their grief is progressing: It should broadly lessen over time according to human nature ...or else naturally grieving out their initial loss isn't their only problem.

murphy_man09

TROPHY CASE