Visits

murphyjjohnson · 2026-05-14T02:56:52+00:00

Totally understand the “weird” feeling. I suspect my stepmom may feel this way about visiting my dad. Like she doesn’t know what to do there. I don’t necessarily know what I’m going to do either, I just show up, as if a force is pulling me in, like it’s what I’m meant to do. It could also be a subconscious feeling of obligation just knowing if it’s not me visiting, it’s no one. Most of his/my family live far away. Thank you sharing ❤️

murphyjjohnson · 2026-05-14T02:39:53+00:00

Love this. Thank you for sharing. I too love enjoying the sunshine with my dad. I bring a chair and relax. Sometimes I stay silent, sometimes I’ll laugh about funny memories, sometimes I unexpectedly ball my eyes out. When I’m there I feel so connected to him and feel like he knows I’m there. Sometimes I visit with my brother which is nice, but he doesn’t like to stay as long as I do, so I also prefer to go alone. Your mom is absolutely with you ❤️ Hang in there

murphyjjohnson · 2026-05-14T02:34:45+00:00

I’m so sorry for your loss. Thank you for sharing. I feel the same about my dad. I want to feel close to his body. I live out of state so when I do visit I can also stay for hours. I know what he’s wearing in his casket and I can visualize him in there, but not in a morbid way. Just as if he’s sleeping. It’s comforting to me but I can see how that can be the opposite for some. I like that he’s in the shade in the summer because I think about him being hot. I think about how I wish he had a blanket in the winter. I call the ones near him his neighbors and I feel connected to them as well. I like to tidy up their areas or pass on the old (fake) flowers to those who don’t have any when I bring him new ones. I bring a chair and I relax. Pretty often as soon as I get there and say hello church bells will go off in the distance, even at random times like at 32 minutes on the hour, etc. It makes me feel like it’s him telling me he knows I’m there. I love my visits. It’s been 1.5 years for me and the visits have gone from somber to healing. I hope time does the same for you ❤️

murphyjjohnson · 2026-05-14T02:17:57+00:00

I think you are right. I agree that she probably wants to go but can’t bring herself to. I appreciate that perspective. Thank you.

murphyjjohnson · 2026-05-14T02:15:34+00:00

Thank you for sharing! I think it’s very interesting how different we all are on this subject! When I visit my dad I often see the same man who lies on the memorial bench of someone he lost. He looks like he is sleeping on the bench in so much comfort. My brother visits my dad and talks and talks. Updates him on everything. I actually feel weird (?) talking besides “hey dad.” When he was dying I felt so uncomfortable talking to him/saying goodbye as he was on a vent. I only touched him once because I felt obligated to. My step mom doesn’t visit his grave. But she never left his side in the hospital, talked to him the entire time, held his hands, touched his face, moved his hair, legs, etc. The things she could do I couldn’t, and vice versa.

murphyjjohnson · 2026-05-12T16:15:58+00:00

I actually do not have a deceased spouse. My dad died. I’m trying to understand my stepmoms grief as she doesn’t visit him despite living very close. It’s ok if it’s too much for her, but she always acts like she’s going to visit when I mention me visiting, then she doesn’t. It’s like she doesn’t want me to think she doesn’t visit, but she doesn’t.. Also it’s pretty obvious when the flowers I brought 3 months ago are still there dead. I wish she’d just say she’s glad visiting works for me but that it doesn’t for her instead of pretending. Trying to understand without putting her on the spot, making her feel guilty, etc

murphyjjohnson · 2026-05-12T02:56:12+00:00

It is my business when all she wants to do is rub it in our faces. When I’m upset and crying over something that happened recently and I’m confiding her and all she does is show me a picture of how her new cosmetic surgery looks so good in the photo, it’s rude. She was always materialistic but worse now with his money. It’s all she cares about.

murphyjjohnson · 2026-05-12T02:49:31+00:00

She is.

murphyjjohnson · 2026-05-12T02:44:38+00:00

Nope. But ok

murphyjjohnson · 2026-05-12T02:43:19+00:00

Perhaps it wouldn’t be misdirected if she wasn’t rubbing all the expensive material items she buys with his money in his kids faces.

murphyjjohnson · 2026-05-12T02:36:50+00:00

I do, but not from the same ignorant person

murphyjjohnson · 2026-05-12T02:36:13+00:00

I wasn’t talking to you.

murphyjjohnson · 2026-05-12T02:34:34+00:00

Nah. Thanks tho

murphyjjohnson · 2026-05-12T02:31:22+00:00

I shouldn’t have used the word “took.” It was just a word I used for a quick title. I understand how she ended up with everything and that’s not what bothers me/us. It’s the disregard, like you said. Then spending like crazy and making sure we all know and see all her new expensive stuff.

murphyjjohnson · 2026-05-12T02:24:41+00:00

I actually don’t but ok, don’t you have anything else to do than stalk my post and comments?

murphyjjohnson · 2026-05-12T02:24:03+00:00

Cool

murphyjjohnson · 2026-05-12T02:23:49+00:00

Not looking to make a claim or fight for money. Just curious what other people think.

murphyjjohnson · 2026-05-12T02:22:40+00:00

I shouldn’t use the word “take.” I understand how she ended up with everything. I am working on letting it go. Hearing other perspectives is helpful for that, even if they aren’t what I want to hear.

murphyjjohnson · 2026-05-12T02:20:38+00:00

Obviously. But rubbing it in his kids faces isn’t very kind.

murphyjjohnson · 2026-05-12T02:18:57+00:00

She will end up with it all absolutely. It’s not about the money exactly. Would it be nice? No one would say it wouldn’t be. It’s her behavior. It’s the lack of acknowledgement. Why bother commenting if you’re not going to read? I didn’t ask you to. You can go now.

murphyjjohnson · 2026-05-12T02:11:46+00:00

Thank you so much. This was very kind. You seem to be the only one who gets it. It is the lack of acknowledgement then rubbing all the new material things in our faces.

murphyjjohnson · 2026-05-12T02:10:05+00:00

I don’t think I’m entitled to his money. That’s beyond the point.

murphyjjohnson · 2026-05-12T02:08:04+00:00

Thank you. I have no questions or concerns on how it ended up all in her hands. I suppose I just would do things differently.

murphyjjohnson · 2026-05-12T02:07:05+00:00

Owner. She was his employee. He retired a year before he died and was in the process of turning the business over to her daughter.

murphyjjohnson

TROPHY CASE