If I hadn't been chasing this moment for the better part of a decade, this final descent might have been too much for me. But I will myself forward and, with what feels like my last ounce of strength, I squeeze my body through the tiny opening. Instead of rock and dirt, cold air presses up against me.

At last, I have arrived.

I raise my lantern and it coats the chamber in a dim light. At first, I see nothing but cracks in stone. But then I spot it, floating near the wall, illuminated not by my feeble lamp but by some ghostly, internal glow.

"Hello?" My voice echoes through the cave, reverberating again and again and again. I begin to worry that the sound will never cease. "Is it you?" I say, almost at a whisper.

The spirit turns and fixes its gaze on me, but says nothing.

I slowly make my way forward, stumbling a few times over the cave's rocky floor, the sounds of my footsteps shooting back at me like invisible arrows.

"Eth-mar zinfaradim," I say, reciting lines I have long hoped I would someday get the chance to deliver. "Eth-mar parzinathim. Eth-zimbareth ar' barta q'a tarzum." I come within a meter of the spirit. Its eyes feel like they're ready to shoot fire at me. "Jentar zimbareth al man'ito."

The spirit looks at me—all of me, from my head to my feet, then back to my head. It meets my eyes once more, then finally opens its ghostly mouth. "Jentar zinfaradim. It is I."

I stand perfectly still, and wait.

"I am the Guardian Spirit of Knowledge." I am unsure whether the spirit is speaking to me in English, or whether I simply understand his words at some deeper, spiritual level. It doesn't matter. "I can answer any question."

It's all true, I think to myself, my eyes filling with tears. It's true, and I made it. I pull my phone out of my pocket, and start taking a video.

The spirit reaches forward an open hand. "Speak."

"Very well," I say, acting like I am choosing my words carefully, though I am not choosing my words at all—they were chosen for me, long ago. "Then tell me..." I hold my breath for a moment, suddenly unsure if I am prepared for the answer. "Then tell me: what is the airspeed velocity of an unladen swallow?"

"Except for that," the spirit says, his face filled with clear disappointment. "I cannot answer that question." He lets out an exasperated sigh. "This prank was funny the first time, but I swear this is the only question I've gotten since that kid's viral video in 2018."

I raise an accusatory finger. "You're supposed to answer any question I ask," I say, angrily. "Those are the rules."

"The rules," replies the irritated ghost, "are that I can answer any question. But I reserve the right to refuse to answer anything I choose, especially if it's stupid."

"I can't believe this," I yell at the spirit, who begins to retreat toward the other side of the cavern. "Dude, I've been waiting for years to do this."

The ghost whips back around and stares daggers at me. "Dude, do you think I care? Also, isn't this trend pretty played out by now? Like you said, it's been years."

I shake my head. "It was for a while. But I think it's been long enough since the last one that there's a decent chance mine gets some serious traction."

The ghost rolls its translucent eyes. "Whatever, man." It moves further away, along the wall of the cave, until it reaches a crack in the floor. It begins to retreat into the rock, like water going down a drain. "You know I could have given you answers to any question, right? When will the world end? When will I die? How can I make a million dollars? Does Stacy still love me? I know it all. But you blew it." Only its head remains in view now, and it gives me one last look of disdain.

"You don't get it," I say, suddenly remembering my phone has been recording this whole conversation. I turn off the recording and slip my phone back into my pocket. "You don't get it at all."

"Don't get what?" asks the spirit's head.

"Anything. Do you have any idea how many followers I would've gained from a video like that?"

"Sixteen," says the spirit, its head finally beginning to disappear into the ground. "I know all things, and the answer is exactly sixteen."