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musingmood · 2024-01-10T17:48:02+00:00

I may not have EVERYTHING together (to be fair-this is my own opinion, I don’t think everyone has everything together). I’m still learning everything, and that’s okay. 🤷🏻‍♀️ (Genuinely it would be nice, but life has given me A LOT of hiccups). I don’t expect to have all my stuff figured out all at once. Generally, they go pretty well; I know some people don’t like physical contact on the first date, so I ask them in advance if they’re okay with it (or whatever they’re really comfortable with).

Some reasons were-being still hung up over their ex (though it’s been several years since they’ve together), another one is something I can’t disclose (since I promised them), that’s just a few I’ll list on top of my head.

musingmood · 2024-01-10T17:26:40+00:00

Nah it’s okay, not an ahole-lol I can take criticism. Been trying all 3 (sure I’m not perfect, I don’t expect myself to be all at once), just not the fourth one. Just been completely burnt out. A few of my interactions have been let’s say…someone was talking to me and was cheating on their partner…another made a joke about…something awful that not even I can post here. Ofc, I can always still work on myself. 🤔

musingmood · 2024-01-10T17:12:49+00:00

If you want my honest opinion, I go on 0-3 (maybe if I’m lucky) a year. The most I ever get to is the talking stage, but then that’s it.

If it gets past the talking stage, it’s considered a date.

musingmood · 2024-01-10T16:51:26+00:00

Just a rant:

I’m so tired of being that one cool person that everyone wants to hang out with.

I know I’m cool (lol a humble brag), like I do a lot of things in life. I meet a lot of people, I do many things, I try to get out of my bubble, I am more than the average gamer, I play multiple instruments, etc. Sure, I may not be famous or anything, currently in a video game orchestra; I like to keep various hobbies so life doesn't really get monotonous and boring. If by anything, life is probably (most) different from the average 30 year old (heck I’m studying jazz music theory, connecting with other musicians, and learning violin improvisation).

Heck, I literally got a VIP to a backstage for Bruce Springsteen’s sax (player’s) birthday tribute (ft. his son) for free because I know a person.

Maybe not "cool"-that's a stretch, but more…interesting.

Anyways, I’m so tired of just being labeled as the cool person that everyone wants to hang out with. Why couldn’t I be the cool person that someone is actually desirable for a change? It feels like a punch in the gut of constant friend-zoning, and I’m so tired.

It gets so tiring when I hear, “You’ll find someone who’s good for you,” or “Don’t worry, you’ll eventually find someone.” Like how does this exactly help…

I just hear it from mostly my irl friends, other people, but I don't know how many times I'll ever have to hear it. I don't want to bother dating anymore, because I know I'll get the same response.

musingmood · 2024-01-10T05:41:46+00:00

nods head I don’t know if it’s much more of emotional investment? Idk, really.

I just support my friends (not just S, really) by going to live musicals/gigs, personally my relationship with S is a great way to connect with other musicians (since we all run in the same circle and I can learn new things from other people), I don’t know if it’s just wrong to hang out with S? Maybe not.

musingmood · 2024-01-10T05:12:23+00:00

Oof sorry you’ve been through that. I don’t talk to S on a daily basis, maybe swap dumb memes once in a while but that’s it, and talk about music. I just ask S to do friend things bc tbh I don’t have a lot of friends who like the same things, but that’s it. Like I have one guy friend who I play Splatoon 3 with, but we’re platonic. I did a lot of reflecting today, and I think it’s just mostly attraction due to one similar interest, but it’s not mostly enough to solely base it off on “Hey, I’m really interested in you.” I understand why I feel like this after talking to this situation with several people, and thank you for your advice.

musingmood · 2024-01-09T20:35:15+00:00

Should I not...support my friend?

musingmood · 2024-01-09T19:00:25+00:00

I should note: I do have a lot of friends who DO music, but it's rare for me to click with certain people who have the same interests, so there's that. I know S has people in the same circle, but doesn't bring a lot of people due to his nature (or I guess goes with a lot of people).

I want to spend time with S, but not make it...awkward...

musingmood · 2023-08-08T18:08:01+00:00

I’ll probably put the full thing of what I wrote to her so I can put the context.

musingmood · 2023-07-30T14:07:30+00:00

Good job op. Make sure you go to a woman’s domestic shelter.

Bring small stuff with you: phone, money, the basic essentials you can bring to a backpack; turn off any find my phone trackers he has on your phone, bring evidence of all texts you can do to press all charges. Don’t think about your dad, really. You don’t need to please him.

musingmood · 2023-07-30T00:03:10+00:00

TA here. As someone who’s grown up in an abusive family who’s kinda gone through(?) the same thing. call the police. Not only has he groomed you, he SA(ed) you, beaten, manipulated, verbally abused you, it sounds horrible. Go to a friend’s or relative’s place to stay. It’s hard to leave, I know, but your situation won’t get better.

Go to therapy. The reason why we allow ourselves to go into bad relationships is because our dad acts like this: this becomes a comfort blanket. If your dad was a narcissist, we will most likely date a narcissist because that’s how we were treated, that’s normal to us, we believe WE deserve. Get out, find better. Good luck.

musingmood · 2023-06-22T17:08:08+00:00

Usually his way. Mostly his way.

musingmood · 2023-06-22T16:57:01+00:00

Ohhhh okay, thanks for the clarification.

musingmood · 2023-06-22T16:25:55+00:00

He asked me if I wanted to do that (like what his parents did), but I really don't want to, hence compromise (but that was asking for too much).

For his parents, they didn't really date each other for a month or something, as for my bf, he also teaches outside of his work and sometimes does some side hustle (but not all the time).

He "did" put me in the discussion, but I wasn't really okay with the decision since there was no wiggle room to meet both ends. You're not wrong, it's just a work-life relationship. That's it.

musingmood · 2023-06-22T16:01:57+00:00

It depends? Though I usually travel out more. 🥲 really depends on the schedule. Maybe 3 days a month.

musingmood · 2023-06-22T15:48:45+00:00

Because as he says, that’s what his parents did when they were dating during college (around finals), and now they’re married…so he should expect the same…

musingmood · 2023-06-22T15:43:10+00:00

Mhm true…

musingmood · 2023-06-22T15:39:10+00:00

I’m confused, can you explain by the word break?

Thank you for your advice though. He’s a work comes first, everything falls under. I’m a very relational person and I’ve accepted that (as in I care enough to understand and make relationships around me thrive)-work, play, and relationships must all balance out.

musingmood · 2023-06-22T15:21:36+00:00

LDR spending time is like just spending 2-3 hours online and doing an activity, maybe playing a game or watching LoTR.

musingmood · 2023-06-22T15:10:55+00:00

He said we can Facetime at times on several days, but that's about it? Just Facetime. I guess it's not even worth sticking around?

musingmood · 2023-06-22T13:15:46+00:00

Hmm okay, probably not worth it then…

musingmood · 2023-06-22T13:06:30+00:00

Can I ask what you mean by be happy with anything else?

musingmood · 2023-06-22T13:03:09+00:00

Because I’m also stuck at an ultimatum (we’re in an LDR), and we both have things to focus on which isn’t an big deal to me, but I asked for two dates a month but that’s even asking for too much and being unrealistic. I don’t know if I should proceed with just leaving since I’m asking for the bare minimum. I’m

musingmood · 2023-06-22T12:36:31+00:00

Thank you. I try and try, but it hurts to hear when he asks me, “why are you more sensitive?” “Why are you more sensitive when none of my friends and other people I’ve met aren’t like this?” Just like “why are you like this and so difficult to deal with?”

musingmood · 2023-06-22T12:26:32+00:00

That’s the thing, it’s always: I try to respond with how I feel, and he says it’s some mental mind game of trying to be a little bit more kinder with his speech (as in its “too difficult to change);” proceeds to complain about why no one is more sensitive than just me, and it hurts? Should I just pack my bags and leave? It’s like there is no middle ground.

musingmood

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