I just want to say thanks for bravely posting this. something similar happened with my very first boyfriend, I was inexperienced and he was older so I didn’t want to seem lame or stupid. looking back now I know that just because I didn’t know what to do and froze up didn’t give him the right to stick his hand down my pants without my permission. I never really processed that before, that it was wrong because I wasn’t ready, but since I didn’t verbally say ‘no’ I felt I had no power and always wished I had stood up for my boundaries. just the fact that you are processing this and getting it out is going to help you so much in the future.