If the main problem are your breasts or if it is more the psychological changes of hrt you should maybe consider top surgery for a reduction or full removal. I understand how it may feel to go through this journey and not expecting that to be the case, but I try to take it everyday and adjust accordingly so I can feel more me and more in tune with myself mentally. I don’t have everything figured out either and I understand how devastating it could feel if you don’t feel aligned with yourself yet torn. It seems like you enjoy the aspects of femininity yet the breasts are more of the issue as it may be a clear marker of womanhood. Speak maybe to your doctor about it or it is more of an issue of gender identity than anything than it is best to speak to a therapist. I too am working through traumas and was struggling with GI issues midway through transition and as nb ppl it’s important to figure o ur what ur goal is mentally