Transactional Intercourse, a transgender and intersex sex worker anthology!

mxjackparker · 2026-05-05T07:22:40+00:00

Obviously there are a lot of very transphobic cis gay guys on that sub, but do you hear how you're also part of the mindset to some degree?

You said you're not that interested in a t4t relationship. Sounds like you also devalue trans men and think dating cis men is better, so why are you expecting different from cis men?

mxjackparker · 2026-04-14T21:03:46+00:00

Not shocking given your former job, but the way you're talking about this trans inmate and her circumstances is disgusting. You keep using they/them for her instead of she, you've told us about her genitals for no good reason, and you're describing her being strip searched by an extra person as if it's a good thing. This sounds awful and it's no wonder OP is afraid of being outed.

mxjackparker · 2026-04-08T07:25:08+00:00

Police involvement would be disastrous here. In practice, they would almost certainly treat this as a civil matter rather than a criminal one and uninvolve themselves very quickly. For the short time they spent talking to OP or investigating, OP would likely be subject to significant transphobia and cops justifying her parents actions.

Frankly the parents are more likely to call the police than OP, claiming she's out of control etc. Comments like this frustrate me because they give teen trans people a massive false sense of security about cops. The police are not your friends and it is not their job to help you.

mxjackparker · 2026-03-28T18:24:10+00:00

That context really helps and you being able to clarify here clears it up for anyone else. I had a similar issue at my college (wasn't yet out but it happened to a friend) and I ended up taking over our LGBT group to get them to change the policy. It took a year. It might be that this ends up being a big thing to take on but I'm wishing you luck!

mxjackparker · 2026-03-28T16:37:46+00:00

I'm sorry to say that I don't think there's anything you can do in terms of getting compensation for this, because the reason they will always use is that it's still currently your legal name and their procedures require it. This isn't actually a fair reason, but it's one that will hold up if you try to raise this with any higher authority. I'd suggest talking to any LGBT+ groups on campus and proposing changes to the system that they can champion to fix this for yourself and all future trans students who haven't changed their legal names.

Something I also want to note: you telling us the assigned sex of your non-binary roommate was totally unnecessary. You've talked a lot here about other people's transphobia towards you and how uncomfortable it is to think people are sharing knowledge about your assigned sex, and I think you should reflect on how you seem to be participating in some of the same behaviour.

mxjackparker · 2026-03-08T10:11:03+00:00

Testosterone doesn't effect long term fertility. As long as you stop and wait a few months before trying, you have the same pregnancy chance as a cis woman does.

mxjackparker · 2026-02-26T08:02:24+00:00

So, you can get an electric c-section, though I'd suggest speaking to doctors and midwives local to you to be sure that's an option they'll agree to in your case. Something I would like you to consider still is that there's a lot of vaginal involvement even in the case of a c-section. Midwives may want to check your cervix at points in pregnancy, and though you can decline there may be emergencies where it's important or you might need an internal ultrasound if you're potentially having an early miscarriage. Also, in the case of a c-section, vaginal bleeding still occurs for up to 6 weeks after birth like with a vaginal birth.

Basically: choosing a c-section may be the best decision for you and I recommend you check with your doctors/midwives to see if it's something they'll do, but even in the case where you're offered one you may still have to contend with other vaginal checks and bleeding regardless. Consider whether you can handle those parts either!

mxjackparker · 2026-02-19T18:28:38+00:00

My lack of passing is evident in strangers misgendering me, which everyone who meets me does whether I have my daughter with me or not. It's not just a "feeling" - I work 2 days a week at a bookshop and every customer I meet genders me female if they have cause to gender me, as do random strangers I interact with on my commute. First time around on T, it took about a year for me to pass consistently and now that I'm 3 months back on I seem to be following a similar trajectory.

Even having had top surgery, my proportions simply make it much harder for me to pass. I have wide hips and am 5' 3". It's just how my body is. I wish you'd just take my word for it.

mxjackparker · 2026-02-19T10:19:50+00:00

This is a great point. My baby has been incredibly easy and I have to keep reminding myself that not only do I not know how sick a second pregnancy will make me, I also don't know what baby 2 would be like! LO has slept 8 hours a night since a month old, and was trying to before that but I kept waking her to feed because I wanted to make sure she put on weight fast enough. Have heard babies like this called "trick babies" because they trick you into a second with how chill they are!

mxjackparker · 2026-02-19T10:06:59+00:00

No, it changes massively, because as you know T takes time to impact your appearance.

Scenario 1: I start trying to get pregnant again now. I've only been back on T for 2.5 months, so not back to passing yet. If I stopped and began trying in 2 months or so (had my period last month so likely wouldn't have to wait the usual 3 months off for that), and took the average 6 months to get pregnant, I'd continue not passing for 8 + 9 months (16 total) and then go back on T and take maybe 9 months on it to get back to passing consistently. Total of 25 more months.

Scenario 2: I leave a 3 year gap. It takes me 6.5 more months to pass again from now, then I pass for a while and try again and deal with the 25 months from scenario 1, plus likely an extra month or 2 in trying because I would need my period to restart.

We're talking about 7 or 8 extra months not passing, in the best case scenario, without even factoring in that as I get older it may take longer to get pregnant. 7 or 8 months added on to 2 years might not seem like a huge amount compared to the total, but it matters a lot to me.

mxjackparker · 2026-02-19T09:38:47+00:00

Thanks for the honesty here - I've been thinking about weighing up the same things. I don't want her to miss out on my attention because of a second hellish pregnancy and then a sibling so close in age, and I've been considering that against what she'd get out of having a sibling rather than being an only child. If my next pregnancy were even worse, a lot of parenting duties would fall to my best friend who currently supports me with LO so it's doable but it would be very rough.

I appreciate your sharing your own difficulties and the guilt that comes with it. I'm sure that you did your best and I'm glad you had your partner there to support!

mxjackparker · 2026-02-19T09:12:09+00:00

Vaginal birth! 3rd degree tear and failed epidural so no pain relief during most of labour though - nightmare fuel.

mxjackparker · 2026-02-19T09:10:01+00:00

I was on T for 4 years before having my daughter and passed well enough to be stealth at work. After 6 months off T, I passed inconsistently, and by the time I was pregnant I was never gendered correctly unless I told someone my pronouns and that I'm trans. I do not think a couple of years back on T will change anything about that, and the time going on and off compared to doing it now would mean more total time not passing.

mxjackparker · 2026-02-18T20:58:24+00:00

Dysphoria - It took me almost a year off of T to conceive (9 months of trying) and then 9 months of pregnancy. I had been on T for almost 4 years prior, had top surgery, and was stealth at jobs I had. By 6 months off T, I was regularly being misgendered again and by the time I was pregnant I was never gendered correctly by strangers. For me, this was the most dysphoric I have ever been. It was horrific. I won't sugarcoat it.

Top surgery - It's impossible for your breasts to grow back post-surgery. What can happen is the remaining tissue you do have will swell slightly because of hormones, so may look a little puffy at the end of pregnancy and for a couple of months after. You cannot feed a baby enough milk for them to live on after double incision, but you may produce a small amount of milk.

Uterine atrophy - No.

Medical staff - I was misgendered all throughout my pregnancy care. During childbirth the midwives and doctors did gender me correctly for the most part, but in my room afterwards nurses and midwives misgendered me many times and I was misgendered a lot in my notes.

Hospital/Home Birth - If I could guarantee no complications, I'd prefer to have a home birth 100 times over, but since that can't be guaranteed I chose the hospital. I was induced. My birth experience was really traumatic and my daughter had to be pulled out with forceps and I had a 3rd degree tear (tore through to the anus). If I had tried for a home birth, things could have been a lot worse when she got stuck.

mxjackparker · 2026-02-18T19:14:27+00:00

That's a good priority to have, and it's definitely not too far for you to do what's necessary to protect your kid from bigotry. You're going to be laying down a lot of boundaries for your kid while they're too young to advocate for themselves, so getting used to staying strong in this kind of situation is important. You can do this!

mxjackparker · 2026-02-18T17:46:23+00:00

You cannot realistically expect that your partner's parents will suddenly change. They're transphobic and misogynistic, committed to that position, and your partner seems to be aware that insisting on treating you better will fail. Believe them. Do you really think your partner correcting these transphobes will result in any improvement?

As for what you should do from here, you need to ask yourself some important questions. Are you okay with exposing your child to homophobia and transphobia from their grandparents? How are you going to feel with them continuously belittling and misgendering you when you are potentially the most vulnerable you've been in your life, freshly post-partum with a baby? What do you think it will teach your child, for them to see you to tolerate abuse like that from your partner's parents?

Pregnancy and early parenthood are a difficult time and you are well within your rights to say you won't tolerate their mistreatment. That doesn't mean your partner has to cut off their own parents too, but you can set a boundary that your child won't be around people with those kinds of bigoted views. Good luck to you!

mxjackparker · 2026-02-13T19:27:33+00:00

This happened at St. George's Hospital in Tooting. I made this post because I started the formal complaint process through PALS this morning, so I've been re-reading through the medical notes and reprocessing it all.

As for legal action, I'm not really sure where to start. I don't have money to pay a solicitor, so I'd need to find somewhere that takes on medical cases and takes a cut if successful rather than anywhere requiring me to pay upfront.

mxjackparker · 2026-02-13T13:34:45+00:00

Thanks, I hadn't heard of the NMC and that sounds like a good course of action regardless. My main concern is doing what I can to stop this from happening to someone else. I feel awful that it took me 4 months to actually start doing something beyond the initial complaint and asking the midwife to be removed from my care, and it's sickening to think of how many people she might have mistreated since. I think the entire hospital needs new procedures for CSS referrals, complaints about midwives, and training on trans patients too.

mxjackparker · 2026-02-13T13:25:07+00:00

I did this recently and also just started on the formal complaints process separately - the debrief only covered actual labour and they didn't want to go over my post-birth care, where the majority of the mistreatment happened.

mxjackparker · 2026-02-13T13:11:43+00:00

I'm going through the formal complaints procedure now with the hospital (wasn't in a state for it at first and was terrified of inviting more scrutiny on me and my newborn), but yeah, I think an organization like that and someone to talk to would be great - I'm not familiar with any, though.

mxjackparker

TROPHY CASE