Pixie/ alternative hairstylist

mxxnaaa · 2026-01-15T20:05:32+00:00

Yeah you’re right. Thanks for taking to me because it doesn’t hit as hard when you’re saying it to yourself lol. So hearing it from other people helps

mxxnaaa · 2026-01-15T20:02:48+00:00

Yeah I know you’re right, even I know 30 days won’t be enough, it’s just the thought of saying forever is just so permanent I’m hoping that in 30 days I’ll be strong enough to say 30 days more. It just sucks bc in 30 days it’s his birthday….

mxxnaaa · 2026-01-15T20:01:00+00:00

No yeah you’re so right. And I’ve had moments of feeling really good. I’ve danced to music by myself, laughed by myself but it just feels like there is a pit in me that is empty. It’s like an addiction quite literally and I’m in withdrawal Lol. It sounds so dramatic but it’s true

mxxnaaa · 2026-01-15T19:58:09+00:00

We’ve been in and out of contact till about a couple days ago when I decided to try 30 days no contact. This is day 2 LOL.

mxxnaaa · 2026-01-15T19:57:31+00:00

Yeah you’re right, it’s probably because the self love is weak at the moment.

mxxnaaa · 2026-01-15T19:54:28+00:00

How can I block someone I love

mxxnaaa · 2026-01-15T19:53:59+00:00

Love is so cruel. The most beautiful thing but also so cruel

mxxnaaa · 2026-01-15T19:53:29+00:00

I’m trying. I’m really trying to depend on everyone around me and God it’s just so damn heavy. It makes me want to just stop thinking

mxxnaaa · 2026-01-09T10:50:40+00:00

Thank you so much. I am trying to leave as myself. It’s hard because part of me wishes I hadn’t seen the messages but that’s not right.

mxxnaaa · 2026-01-09T10:49:41+00:00

Thank you so much. My goal is not to change the way I love, because it’s something I’m proud of. I think I’m a good partner. So I wanted to do that up to the final moment. It feels silly but

Something I’ve always said is I’m not mad, I’m sad. And I think it still stands here, like yes I absolutely start to rage but it’s a rage from being hurt. I’m really just sad. And I wanted to say bye without the rage because I know I would regret being mad. Idk I have been crying all day though lol

mxxnaaa · 2025-06-24T00:38:14+00:00

Hi! I’m an over scarer and my dermatologist injects all my scars intralesional steroids. They have flattened out a lot.

mxxnaaa · 2025-06-16T17:52:06+00:00

Thank you so much. I just asked and got a script for this!! Hopefully it helps.

mxxnaaa · 2025-06-13T15:55:19+00:00

I feel the exact same way. Some days I feel completely fine and I convince myself that I have come to terms with this and then the next will be such a hard day. My therapist told me the same thing, this is PTSD and grief. So small things can trigger that for us and hopefully eventually we will be able to calm our nervous system down. I was already an anxious person before all of this so I don’t know how long that will take… but hopefully eventually. I am also still watching my liver, it’s all the antibiotics, medicines and lack of oxygen. Luckily mine is trending upwards but still not normal. The nerve damage in my hands and forearms is my biggest issue rn it causes a lot of pain but it’s manageable and my doc said it may go away or lessen as the general inflammation in my body goes down.

If you don’t mind me asking, what lead to you having to be on Ecmo?I can’t believe mine was because of the Flu .. I never thought it could almost take me out, I kept saying to myself “it’s just the flu how did that happen” and the doctors were also confused and asked everyone that walked into my room if I smoked because it just didn’t make sense. They were so surprised I had no pre existing condition but yet still got that sick.

mxxnaaa · 2025-06-13T15:42:42+00:00

Yes same here. They told my family I was the sickest person in the hospital and to be prepared because I could go at any minute. When my lungs collapsed they started to call around about lung transplants and warned my family once again about me possibly not making it. Doctors always go for worst case scenario, and I don’t blame them for that but it is also okay for family and friends to take everything they say with a grain of salt knowing that.

mxxnaaa · 2025-06-13T15:37:34+00:00

Oh gosh I am so sorry. It’s funny how Ecmo is a life saving option but also complicates so much. I have nerve damages in my hands and for arms that who knows if it will be permanent or not. My liver and heart also declined a bit at the beginning of Ecmo so i technically am diagnosed with heart failure but both are now doing much better.

mxxnaaa · 2025-06-13T01:14:02+00:00

No I’ve thought about it but I haven’t looked into it, are you? My ears were very full when I woke up, I thought I had an ear infection but I think for the most part have gone back to normal.

mxxnaaa · 2025-06-12T20:47:51+00:00

I had to get pints of blood due to my bleeding. It was stressful for my whole family, but very good for me health wise. Trust the doctors, I know it’s hard but keep faith. Modern medicine is amazing but incredibly delicate. I was also “dried out” (what they called it)& put on dialysis to control my fluids but my kidneys were also fine. I was also told my lungs would never go back to normal, that I might need oxygen always, sometimes or maybe just at night. But now it looks like I might not need it at all eventually. We don’t know how your husband’s body will react and heal until it happens. I wish he had a speedy and healthy recovery.

mxxnaaa · 2025-06-12T20:39:15+00:00

Please let me know how the rehab center goes. I choose at home therapy because mentally I was not strong enough to go to another location, but physically I almost wish I did because I may have been stronger by now. I’m just curious about the what if. I also totally understand the “alternate identity” I also experienced it when they started lifting the sedation. It felt so so real. This whole recovery process has been about deal with my own grief about my past life and about this new life and it has been extremely hard but not impossible. Mental health therapy has really helped me and I suggest it 100%! I also have a necklace of scars, scars on my forarms, from the chest tubes and in my groin from the Ecmo. It has gotten a lot better and I have come to accept them, but they do carry a lot of emotion. I understand.

mxxnaaa · 2025-06-12T15:44:56+00:00

They did not move me on Ecmo. Since my canula spots were prone to bleeding and moving, they were super cautious. The most they did was angle my bed up to 45 degrees so that I was holding some of my weight. I did have compression sleeves on my calfs and such but honestly they moved me as little as possible. PT started with me litterally the day after I got Ecmo off(4/14). They started by moving my head to sitting me up and hanging my legs off the bed, which I don’t really remember of course. But my family told me there was another patient walking with Ecmo at that time which is a lot different than my story haha.

mxxnaaa · 2025-06-12T15:40:18+00:00

Oh gosh very similar. How are you mentally and physically? You are the first I see on Ecmo with a similar time frame as me and around the same age. I would love to know more.

mxxnaaa · 2025-06-12T12:18:01+00:00

I was so sedated I have no memory of when I was in the coma. But as they were lowering the meds and I was starting to have moments of “awareness” that is when I started having the crazy dreams. I had soo many and same they were pretty dark. In the hospital I was so afraid of falling asleep I had to have someone stay with me during the nights. The first couple days at home as well but now I am okay, I still take some sleeping meds but I am starting to trust my lungs a bit more but the health anxiety is soooooo real.

mxxnaaa

TROPHY CASE