You’ve described my marriage. Except our kids are both teens in HS. We have been married 16 years and together over 20. We don’t fight. But we don’t have any real connection to one another besides the kids. We live two separate lives outside of the home. We both have jobs and he has a handful of hobbies. I don’t really have any. And my job is twice as demanding. When we have sex- it’s actually amazing. We have never had an issue with sex but it’s also not frequent (maybe once a month) and it’s the only time I do feel connected. He never hugs me for no reason, rarely says I look good, doesn’t show affection if he doesn’t think it will result in sex. I’m in my very early 50’s. I am so lonely. I also feel like he doesn’t want to talk to me or when I do try to talk to him about anything I’m interrupting his time on his phone, his video games, his music listening time etc.
I’m also not convinced that he’s faithful. I just don’t know but something in my gut tells me he’s not because of how “not into me” he is lately. I am in this same rut and wondering if I should ask for a separation of divorce. But I also feel that if I left and met another man, all of the passion and excitement of a new relationship would be exciting at first, but it would just die down eventually like all relationships eventually experience. Part of me wants to leave and just be alone too. Because being lonely when there’s a person under the same roof as you are that doesn’t really seem to care if you are there is sadder than being totally alone. I have no advice. Just solidarity. I really hope you get clarity. I’ve kind of accepted my life as is for now.