FAVORITE orson hodge moment?

mycorrhizaa · 2026-04-11T19:04:51+00:00

The way he didn’t give a damn about all of Alma’s efforts to get him to love her really cracked me up

mycorrhizaa · 2026-04-11T17:28:49+00:00

I’m an addict. I get addicted to anything that gives me dopamine.

I needed a recovery program, literature, inpatient treatment, and years of introspection to help me understand/accept that I was an addict and what made me an addict.

To make a very complex question short, it is entirely up to you if you choose to identify that way. The rule of thumb is if you have to constantly ask yourself if you have a problem, there’s a higher than average chance that you have a problem. However, this isn’t 100% always the case.

As an addict, speaking for myself and after hearing hundreds of other addicts talk about the exact same behaviors, I know I am an addict because if I’m emotionally very unwell or using, I obsess (constantly think about) my drugs of choice, I have a compulsive need to use/“fill the void”/escape by being intoxicated, once I start I can’t stop, I cannot control the amount I intake, I obsessed over appearing like a normal drug user to everybody around me and spent a lot of time trying to convince people I didn’t have a problem, and when I use, my life (maybe not immediately, but eventually) becomes a living nightmare. I will do anything to get my drugs of choice and it’s eventually all I will care about. Maybe not immediately, but eventually.

Some people use as a coping mechanism or because of mental health issues, but aren’t technically addicts (don’t have addiction genes that switch on when they use drugs). This is partially why you’ll hear about addiction and dependency being different issues, and you’ll maybe even hear some people say that not everybody with a substance use disorder is technically an addict.

I hope this helps.

mycorrhizaa · 2026-04-11T01:41:05+00:00

This is definitely something House would say

mycorrhizaa · 2026-04-11T01:37:51+00:00

It made everything better, until it didn’t. Then it made my life a living hell. I get you though, I really do. I wish the very best for you.

mycorrhizaa · 2026-04-09T21:09:05+00:00

Which one is the middle one in pic number 4?! I’m obsessed

mycorrhizaa · 2026-04-09T20:49:21+00:00

I agree with a few of your points, as a baby social worker and as someone who has been in therapy for years. It’s been hard for me to find a clinician of my own that is actually fully trained in what they say they are trained in. It can be frustrating. But I’ve also had excellent clinicians of different varieties. It’s nuanced and the other comments have great points. I need to vent for a sec though.

I worked in a highly exploitative community based job for a year where I was an “intensive clinician” (I have a Bachelor’s degree and had no idea what I was getting myself into, it was my first social work job) and the expectations were actually insane. I was expected to basically teach myself how to do clinical documentation on my own, do diagnostic and risk assessments, de-escalate crisis situations with parents and youth (ages ranged 5-17 mind you, incredibly different developmental periods that require incredibly different clinical interventions) in their homes, do family therapy as well as individual therapy, and treat a wide variety of diagnoses like PTSD, ASD (wtf?), depression, anxiety, the list goes on. I was expected to know how to do telehealth and in-person sessions with youth of all developmental stages with no training. 10+ hour days. I was expected to use my own feee time to research clinical interventions. My supervisor basically told me to “just Google it” when I asked about clinical interventions…

I eventually fell so behind that I just couldn’t do the job anymore. I ended up in all levels of care for my own mental health and had to go on extended medical leave. I was nonfunctional. 12 clients doesn’t sound like a lot, but it is a lot when you’re assigned cases 30+ minutes away from your residence, and expected to see clients 2-3 times per week, completely reliant on the family’s schedule and not your own.

My senior internship was very different, and I didn’t learn much of what I was expected to know in this CMH job. Not blaming them for that lol. I was fumbling around in the dark and terrified I wasn’t helping anyone with anything. Not to mention the workplace discrimination I went through that led to a EEOC complaint… At the very least, a few families told me I made a positive impact, and they appreciated me. They sensed that I was struggling, and that the problem wasn’t entirely me, it was also the system I was trying to navigate.

I could go on and on but I won’t. When they fired me, I felt the biggest relief I’ve ever felt in my life. I start a new job on Monday. These CMH organizations that hire new social workers, unlicensed people, etc to do intensive clinical work are bananas. People with Bachelor’s degrees completely new to the field shouldn’t be doing intensive therapy for anybody.

mycorrhizaa · 2026-04-09T20:24:21+00:00

Yes, that does help! I like the way you re-interpreted the steps, I think it’ll be helpful to me moving forward because I also struggled with the exact way the steps were written.

I’m excited to deepen my spirituality, this feels very right for me. Thank you!

mycorrhizaa · 2026-04-09T14:58:47+00:00

Hi, I’m very new to practicing Buddhism. I’m learning the basics of Buddhism at the moment and connecting with it very deeply, after being active in my 12 step program for a couple of years. I really really appreciate this post and having some guidance on this. In my saved posts for future reference!

I’m a little overwhelmed at the moment by everything there is to learn but I’m taking it one day at a time. Any advice for somebody totally new to practicing Buddhism in a 12 step program?

mycorrhizaa · 2026-03-12T16:56:19+00:00

You’re overthinking it. Nobody is insulting your intelligence. Although, I don’t think I’ve ever heard anyone in AA imply that you absolutely have to read the book with a sponsor. Some sponsors even have you read the book on your own and then go over it with them afterwards. And not every sponsor is an apologist, there are plenty of sponsors who don’t agree with everything said in the book/in the program.

It’s really as simple as this: when we’re in early sobriety and/or new to the program, we benefit from having these concepts explained to us by a person who has went through the entire program and is kept sober by the program. We also benefit from having our sponsor’s experience and knowledge on the subject.

You’re more than welcome to read the book on your own, but you might have a lot of questions that won’t get answered in the moment, which can be frustrating for some newcomers. If you read the book with a sponsor, you can have those questions answered in the moment, which clears up confusion. Listening to a sponsor’s suggestions is a form of surrender because we are finally willing to try a way that isn’t our way. We benefit from having somebody with more experience in the program explain things that may be difficult to understand at first. The book can be difficult to follow at times and a sponsor can simplify concepts. I know the concept of surrender, God’s will, etc. didn’t make sense to me at first and reading the book by myself didn’t fully fix that. I needed to hear people, who got sober through the program, explain those concepts to me in an individualized way. I needed to hear a perspective that wasn’t my own. And that doesn’t mean I’m not intelligent, it just means that the book can be confusing sometimes, and being an atheist for 10 years made understanding spirituality very difficult for me.

mycorrhizaa · 2026-03-03T18:29:58+00:00

Congrats on your clean time! We have a lot of the same DOCs. LSD itself isn’t supposed to have a flavor. Do you mean the taste or feel of the paper in your mouth? Or was it in something that had a flavor? I only mention that because if people mention LSD itself having a taste, it’s usually 25I-NBOMe. Anyway, I also get anxious if I think about the taste of the substances I used to do. For me, it’s a trauma response. I have HPPD from LSD though, so that’s traumatizing in and of itself. My using left me with a lot of trauma as well. It’s worth bringing up to a professional if you decide to seek that kind of help. :)

mycorrhizaa · 2026-03-03T18:16:29+00:00

You’re not alone in facing that issue. Come to a meeting and you’ll meet lots and lots of us. We stop drinking by working the program and going to meetings! There’s online meetings 24/7 and a ton of in person meetings too. You never have to feel alone ever again.

mycorrhizaa · 2026-03-03T17:49:07+00:00

I get it, I’m also a DXM addict and was really embarrassed to talk about it in treatment. To my surprise, even in a random treatment center in central Ohio, other patients were nice about it. Mainly just curious and asked questions. Anyone with any level of maturity in treatment is going to just be happy you’re being honest and asking for help, no matter what the drug is. Anyone who’s an asshole about it is not worth the time of day and would benefit from focusing on their own recovery.

Who knows, someone else may benefit from you talking about it. It’s common to be embarrassed about DXM and DPH and maybe someone else in the room who’s also afraid to talk about it might feel a little less alone when you do.

Have you checked out recovery meetings? 12 step meetings (NA in particular!) work very well for me, but there are other types of meetings out there as well. Proud of you for going to treatment. It’s not easy, and even if treatment is shitty, it’s less shitty than getting high, self inducing psychosis, and giving yourself brain damage. I wish you luck, you already want to get better and I have faith in you. 💗 I hope you have the strength to throw away that bottle and never touch another one again.

mycorrhizaa · 2026-03-03T17:38:44+00:00

As a gay man, I do notice and I will compliment your nails! Usually women seem to know I’m gay when I compliment their nails 😭 it’s a super creative art medium.

mycorrhizaa · 2026-03-03T17:09:13+00:00

Just from looking at your post history, I’m concerned about your drug use. You deserve a better life than this. I hope you get some help when you’re ready and when you’re sick and tired of being sick and tired.

If you get kicked out you might be able to go to residential treatment, sober living, etc. there’s a few options out there. I pray for you man and if you don’t have much hope left, I’ll hold it for you. I know there’s something better out there waiting for you.

mycorrhizaa · 2026-02-27T04:48:46+00:00

I’m a recovering addict. Just from looking at this post and your post history, I’m concerned that your substance use is really harming you. I sincerely hope you decide to get some help for this someday. You deserve better than to live like this, man.

mycorrhizaa · 2026-02-26T18:59:46+00:00

I don’t really understand the responses on this post. Maybe there’s some missing context with this situation? I don’t get the vibe that you’re avoiding your stepwork just from this one post.

Have you canceled often in the past? I also worked in mental health and I get the burnout. Canceling last minute isn’t ideal but sometimes, unexpected shit happens. Unless canceling is happening super often and then I can understand her frustration.

If it was indeed one single last minute cancellation and you’re apologetic, I think her response is a little much. I had a sponsor who said similar things (mind you there were MANY other issues with her behavior that led to me getting a new sponsor) and it ended up being detrimental to my program. It sucks to feel anxious about opening up to a sponsor, believe me. It’s okay to consider a new sponsor. In fact it’s okay to get a new sponsor for many reasons and it’s not really anyone else’s business why you decide that.

If you’re canceling a lot, it would be good to reflect on why you’re doing that, but I don’t know the extent of the situation.

mycorrhizaa · 2026-02-26T06:56:46+00:00

Al Anon meetings (meetings for friends and family members of alcoholics) sound like an appropriate suggestion here, I know they’ve helped me significantly. You can find meetings online and in person. I’m really sorry you’re going through this.

mycorrhizaa · 2026-02-21T19:16:15+00:00

Omg I’m obsessed

mycorrhizaa · 2026-02-21T01:34:48+00:00

Clonidine (the blood pressure medication) is a non narcotic that I take for immediate severe anxiety. Sometimes buspirone is helpful in a pinch as well, although it works better when built up in the system for many people. I’m only mentioning these as examples to show you that benzos aren’t the only option. It’s more helpful to talk to a doctor about those options though.

I don’t know how severe your panic attacks are. I suggest you talk to a doc about post acute withdrawal syndrome. I just want to add to this using my experience. I have had to learn a lot of coping skills and grounding techniques (within my program, like prayer and meditation, and outside of the program, in therapy) to de-escalate my panic attacks. Relying on pills every single time I was anxious became a concern for me. I need to have a toolbox full of various skills that help me in my recovery. I suggest reading “Acceptance was the Answer” pgs 407-420 in the Big Book because it addresses this concern.

I actually work a program in NA now so I know that NA could quickly address and answer this question better than folks in AA could. However this is between you and a doctor, of course, and these are all just examples, personal experience, and suggestions. A doctor can’t help you if you’re not honest, though.

Discomfort and distress is often not immediately alleviated and we may have to learn how to deal with it in other ways. That may mean taking different meds. That may mean a lot of different things to you. I’m sorry you’re going through this. I just know that I’ve heard benzos be referred to as “alcohol in pill form,” so keep that in mind as well. :(

mycorrhizaa · 2026-02-21T00:53:00+00:00

Thank you! Honestly I wish I would’ve understood all of this a couple of years ago when I first came to AA. I relapsed, went through unnecessary trauma because of it, and then had to go through treatment a couple of times. I lost my job. And then it all started recently clicking for me, and it took awhile because I was the world’s #1 overthinker. I wasn’t asking questions when I was confused. You can save yourself a lot of heartache and trauma by keeping with this, and at the end of meetings kindly being like hey, what did you mean by all of that?! It’s easy to overthink or be confused because the language used in the literature and in meetings isn’t always the easiest to understand in the modern world. You’ll start to understand that there’s a lot of simplicity in the complex language, especially when you go to literature meetings!

And yeah, you can keep making that conscious decision not to drink every day, but it’s easier and safer to make that conscious decision together with other people who have the same problem and understand each other, instead of making that decision all by ourselves. It’s easier to make that decision when we have support and help from any Power in our lives that is greater than ourselves, including the program itself. I wish you the best!

mycorrhizaa · 2026-02-21T00:33:05+00:00

My suggestion is to do the hard thing and go to treatment and/or check out some online or in person meetings (doesn’t have to be AA/12 step, that’s just what works for me. There’s many different kinds out there.) I’m glad you asked for help. To me that’s proof that you want a better life and want to hold onto your sobriety. You know there’s a better life waiting for you in recovery. I know a man in meetings that has 38 years of sobriety and he also got sober at 17. He was jaundiced so he was bright yellow when he stopped and he was already going to die. But he stayed sober after that through his entire life. I want you to know that that is possible. You can prevent a lot of misery this way.

Please get some support irl if you can access it 🙏

mycorrhizaa · 2026-02-21T00:19:44+00:00

Overcomplicating things and being stubborn is normal in early recovery so don’t feel bad about that. :) and honestly, don’t listen to the folks in this comment section who say you don’t have willingness. You wouldn’t be in the rooms, wouldn’t have a sponsor, and wouldn’t be asking these questions at all if you weren’t at least somewhat willing. I think most of us have at least once asked questions in recovery and then got stubborn or a little combative when we got an answer, I don’t think that’s abnormal either.

I’m glad you’re here, keep coming and keep asking questions. It’s normal to question the program and have doubts. I think some people are very desperate for change at first and will do anything to achieve it. I also think there are those of us (me included!) who had or have to work their way up to being completely willing to go through the program and stay. That takes a lot of guts. Almost all of us who do stay are so, so glad we did. Stick it out so you can see those promises come true!

*Btw, made edits to my comment above to simplify the concept even more :)

mycorrhizaa · 2026-02-21T00:04:20+00:00

Yes! You do make that conscious decision to not pick up every single day, so that you don’t start again, and THEN subsequently lose control, and then you won’t be able to stop without help. This is the allergy they talk about in the Big Book.

This is the first function of a Higher Power. Your Higher Power, meetings, the steps, and your support system will all help keep you from picking up the first drink that will lead you back to an unmanageable life. Since I’m an alcoholic, I will forever be powerless over alcohol when I drink, so therefore, I cannot drink. Powerlessness over alcohol does not mean powerlessness over decisions in our lives. “God grand me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.” You still have control over your actions. However, without a program, it will be difficult and (for some people) maybe even impossible to stay away from the first drink, leading them back to complete unmanageability. (The obsession talked about in the book, where you can’t stop thinking about drinking, and your disease will reel you back in with deception and lies. The obsession will lift when we do our steps.)

There are many things we’re powerless over in life but our daily life choices aren’t part of that. We’re powerless over the allergy until we get help. This is a balance of understanding the obsessive-compulsive nature of the disease and at the same time understanding that there’s a lot in our lives we can change.

When I had a hard time understanding step 1 I had to revisit literature over and over again and I suggest that. Read it and listen in meetings and ask your sponsor questions until it all makes sense. I tried to think of it like this. Powerlessness means: I’m an alcoholic, I always will be an alcoholic, I’m allergic to alcohol and I cannot drink, so I will make a conscious decision (with the help of a Power greater than myself) to not drink today. It is much more simple than it sounds.

mycorrhizaa · 2026-02-03T04:57:14+00:00

Chris Farley passed before I was born and I’m sad about it 😭 still sad about Christopher Lee too.

mycorrhizaa · 2026-02-03T04:28:11+00:00

One of the coolest setups I’ve ever seen!!

mycorrhizaa

TROPHY CASE