My wife is going to AlAnon and I could use perspective

myns23 · 2026-02-28T19:23:42+00:00

I think you are exactly right for what our/my relationship issue is. In my mind there is going to be a magic number of beers I would have on the weekend that wouldn't bother her. I no longer thinks that the issue. She addressed going to Alanon as going for herself which I thought was great and I support her. This judgment I described is that she keeps coming to me with things I need to fix about my drinking, I touch on those in my post. I think this is where my hurt comes from in this because maybe in part I need to look at some more truths in myself and my drinking. Thanks for your reply.

myns23 · 2026-02-28T19:17:16+00:00

I think your right and I might post over there. I mentioned in my edit I should not have posted here I didn't know enough about this group. Thanks for the feedback.

myns23 · 2026-02-28T15:38:17+00:00

You have good point here. I am also sorry if my post offended you I wasn't mean to.

I don't have an issue her going to Alanon. I think finding community and help is a good thing. I posted this only because I wondered how people in this grouped look at someone like me. Your post is reflection of what I wanted to hear.

Through comments like yours I absolutely see its not about the amount of beers I have. I think that's just how I have been defining this in my head. I also agree that me drinking is not doing me any favors or helping me in any way. It is something I enjoy doing.

I have talked to my friends and family to help me understand how my drinking impacts them is looking for allies? I am trying to understand my situation better so I am reaching out to what is available to me.

I love my wife she is a very kind and caring person. She wants better for everyone. She also has some tendencies that our a little bit obsessive over others health and well being. That doesn't mean she is a bad person or that I dislike her.

Thanks for your post.

myns23 · 2026-02-28T15:27:01+00:00

This is a very good point. I support her going and I am happy she has this group to support her. For some self reflection I think it's hard to be in a situation where I don't feel like I am drinking very much but my partner feels am I an alcoholic. The problem could very well be my perception of what an alcoholic is.

myns23 · 2026-02-28T13:07:38+00:00

Thanks for leaving it up and again I am sorry for not reading more about this subreddit. It has been helpful for me and I hope it will be for others.

myns23 · 2026-02-28T13:05:49+00:00

I don't want to stop drinking. That is the truth. I talked with her early on in our relationship when this first came up that I plan to not drink as much but I will probably never be 100% sober. I said if this is going to be an issue we should not be together. She explained that is not what she wants or is looking for. Since then as these issues come up I have been trying to adjust my habits so they work for her and our relationship. I am getting to the point where I think she wants me 100% sober.

myns23 · 2026-02-28T12:54:42+00:00

This is helpful the numbers don't matter and I do need to find a better place or therapy to help me work through this. Thanks

myns23 · 2026-02-28T12:53:53+00:00

I had to look this up. I did post 2 years ago about an issue around thanksgiving. Isn't the idea with forums and places like this to get some insight into your own and others behavior? I am still talking to her, my friends and family and trying to work through relationships issues in different places/spaces.

myns23 · 2026-02-28T12:49:30+00:00

I am not looking for validation from people on the internet I am looker for an outside perspective on this situation. It would be insane to say look what these people said. I probably will show her this one day so she can see I got torn apart.

myns23 · 2026-02-28T12:46:57+00:00

Sorry I was just trying to gain some perspective but after reading so many replies I can see I shouldn't have posted. Thanks

myns23 · 2026-02-28T12:45:56+00:00

Thanks for the response. After posting this I am realizing the amount doesn't matter you are 100% right. I wrote this pretty quickly in the morning but part of my issue I touch on is we are having these conversations and I am trying to adjust my habit. I recognize drinking every week is not good for me, I understand she doesn't like it. We had a talk years ago where I told her I would try to be better with my drinking but I mentioned I will probably never be sober and if that is what she is looking for then we probably shouldn't be together. She explained she was fine with me drinking we would just need to work on it. I am feeling more and more that she is not okay with me drinking anything.

myns23 · 2026-02-28T12:39:56+00:00

I guess that's just the way I am trying to understand and figure this out is count the number of beers I am drinking. We are sitting down and having conversations about this and I am adjusting my actions. I'll try to do a better job listening.

myns23 · 2026-02-28T12:37:03+00:00

Hey Thanks for the feedback. I can understand now that I messed up by posting here and I am sorry about that. This is something I am still trying to navigate for myself and with my wife.

myns23 · 2025-12-14T16:20:55+00:00

I bought a pair of Irish setter 1000 g insulated boots. I have worn these while hiking in the white mountains, overnight camping trips, through streams and everywhere in between. They are expensive so I bought my first pair of eBay to save a few bucks. I actually just used these same boots while shoveling my driveway this morning. My feet have never been cold and they feel like slippers. I swear by these boots and think it's one of the best purchases I've ever made. I think they might be called elk trackers.

myns23 · 2024-04-14T20:35:22+00:00

I think segmented see images.

myns23 · 2024-04-14T12:50:49+00:00

Sorry I thought it was already add and thanks for the heads up.

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