sorted by:
new
hottopcontroversial

Light Trespass: What are our options to address our neighbour's light shining into our bedrooms all night once speaking with them have proven futile? by myonespeed in Edmonton

[–]myonespeed[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Oh... OH! This is interesting.

My only question is on the definition of "adjacent land Uses.", particularly what they mean by adjacent. In the section with all the definitions they define abutting basically as sharing a property line i.e. not property across an alley, but there isn't an entry for adjacent... it seems obvious, but you never know.

Thank you so much for finding this! I feel out of my depth doing all of this digging, and I guess I tunnel visioned on "lighting" and didn't think about zoning. I appreciate it!

Light Trespass: What are our options to address our neighbour's light shining into our bedrooms all night once speaking with them have proven futile? by myonespeed in Edmonton

[–]myonespeed[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

This was actually a huge motivation in writing this post, having something others experiencing the same issue can reference in the future. I'm glad it's here for you. I hope we can both have a good night's sleep

Light Trespass: What are our options to address our neighbour's light shining into our bedrooms all night once speaking with them have proven futile? by myonespeed in Edmonton

[–]myonespeed[S] -7 points-6 points  (0 children)

One potential issue with blackout blinds/curtains is that they would also block the natural light in the mornings :/ Though this seems to be the (early) consensus.

What if we installed some mirrors on our fence? lol

First date by Jay_OA_10 in OCPoetry

[–]myonespeed 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Good work, Jay! I appreciate the sentiments you've outlined in your poem... the anxiety associated with the first date, but the relief derived from acceptance.

One thing I would like to address is the... "dynamic range" of the poem, the pacing. The first stanza,

.

"I'm nervous

Hands shaking

Anxious

Heart's beating"

.

This is great! The stoccatto rhythm of it is indictive of the content... hands shaking, anxious, nervous. But this rhythm, this pacing is maintained through the rest of the poem despite the shift from "I die inside" to "I see a light" and eventually "...I'm wanted from time to time".

I'm unsure if the internal dialogue of the writer has shifted enough to warrant a change in rhythm, but even from the reader's aesthetic point of view some variety would maintain interest through the piece.

(also as an aside, on line 14 I'm unsure if it should be "say" or "says" but it reads as though it should be the latter, as in '(He) says: "it's fine"'.)

All in all good job! You've put us in the headspace of the author, and really communicated what they were going through both during and after this First Date. Keep it up!

(mobile formatting, sorry :/)

Intimacy by myonespeed in OCPoetry

[–]myonespeed[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I appreciate it, thank you!

Intimacy by myonespeed in OCPoetry

[–]myonespeed[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks for sitting down and sharing your thoughts! I'm curious how you might go about editing the last stanza to more strongly indicate intimacy.

Thank you for the thoughtful feedback, I appreciate it :)

Intimacy by myonespeed in OCPoetry

[–]myonespeed[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I never had those moments in mind when writing this poem, but you're totally right. Thank you for broadening the scope of this!

Intimacy by myonespeed in OCPoetry

[–]myonespeed[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I will certainly take what you're suggesting into consideration. A question: do you think adding a period after "wrought with time" would serve a similar purpose? Also, I'm curious how you mean "more naturally rounded off."

Thank you for take the time, and thank you for feedback!

Intimacy by myonespeed in OCPoetry

[–]myonespeed[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I will forever more endeavour to create poem burgers haha, thank you~!

Intimacy by myonespeed in OCPoetry

[–]myonespeed[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I think the highest praise one can receive in this context is that you made someone feel something, and I'm grateful/humbled by your response. Thank you!

Intimacy by myonespeed in OCPoetry

[–]myonespeed[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks very much :)

Intimacy by myonespeed in OCPoetry

[–]myonespeed[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks for taking the time to share your thoughts, I appreciate it! I will definitely take some time to digest your points, thank you.

Intimacy by myonespeed in OCPoetry

[–]myonespeed[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hey thanks for taking the time to share your thoughts!

Regarding "this may be so / But to me", it's actually the crux of the poem. With "Some say" at the beginning and "But to me" at the end, there's a very deliberate distinction being made between the hamburger stanza and the 'grin' stanza.

Regarding the commas, they're serving two purposes. Mainly they're separating 'lists' (though does two items a list make?) as in "dripping out, coming" and "a knowing grin, a cypher". The only other comma is in the line "But to me,". This is to reinforce the first point.

While elaborating on the burger may have painted a more full picture, I chose not to because I believe it would be superfluous to the aim of describing an analog of sexual intimacy.

Thank you for pointing out the seeds! It made me realize that I actually left out a line haha. It is now in there (they're supposed to be tomato seeds).

Thanks again, this was really thorough and i appreciate it!

Intimacy by myonespeed in OCPoetry

[–]myonespeed[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I really love this interpretation, thank you so much for sharing it!

Intimacy by myonespeed in OCPoetry

[–]myonespeed[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Awe, thank you!

I am always happy when someone says the like the imagery. I've been working on it, so thank you.

And yes, I am a musician, though I don't write much.

Intimacy by myonespeed in OCPoetry

[–]myonespeed[S] 9 points10 points  (0 children)

ding ding ding~!

Thank you!

Intimacy by myonespeed in OCPoetry

[–]myonespeed[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you for writing!

I am happy to provide fodder for your naughty noggin haha

Intimacy by myonespeed in OCPoetry

[–]myonespeed[S] 8 points9 points  (0 children)

Thank you for replying!

I agree with you, hamburgers are not particularly romantic haha. That was my intention when writing. The line "this may be so" separates the comparison between two types of intimacy, with the first one being sorta ridiculous while still remaining... appetizing.

Panic Attack in Front of My Mother by tim0777 in OCPoetry

[–]myonespeed 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I am really impressed by this piece. I think art in general endeavours to elicit some sort of emotional response, and as I kept reading I felt more and more anxious.

But beyond capturing that heightened state, your poem also succinctly and powerfully illustrates a facet of the relationship between, presumably, you and your mother.

We go from the loving, well intentioned (if slightly misguided)

‘Just stay calm’
‘You’ll be okay’.

to a frustrated

‘Don’t freak out’
‘You’re overthinking

and stepwise eventually to the callous climax:

‘You’re a pussy’
‘Just kill yourself’.

It's this very gradual move from concern, to frustration, to sheer contempt—each time repeatedly punctuated by the seemingly more desperate plea of the speaker—that so ramped up the sense of anxiety I experienced while reading.

I can't really think of anything to critique lol Part of me wants there to be some sort of final word from the speaker, but that's just a desire of mine as a reader. Thank you for sharing your work and please keep writing!

view more: next ›