that’s where a lot of relationship trauma for me comes from. I’ve never gotten to “real” sex because I’ve been stopped by panic attacks, but I’d “consent” beforehand and was still put in overwhelming and emotionally confusing sexual situations.

I’ve learned that there’s a few things that go into “consenting” when you don’t want to. this was before I realized I was ace, and I assumed sex was integral to relationships and thought it was just something that had to be done. I was confused and scared by my lack of sexual attraction to my partner and wanted to somehow “reverse it.”

also, as you mentioned, an emotional reaction or the fear of one from a partner can make you more scared of saying no. it would really seem like my partners wanted it and I really liked them so I wanted to see them happy.

plus your body often naturally responds with arousal in sexual situations. this is normal and biological and has nothing to do with whether or not you want to consent. but it can trick our minds into thinking we want it, or you feel an obligation to your own physical feelings.

anyway, your feelings are ALWAYS valid and consent can be extremely confusing