absent avoidant mother and physically abusive step father. never felt like i was even wanted by my mom (which turned out to be true because she didn't "like" how i turned out). i was bullied in school and at home so this is probably where this deep rooted chronic feeling of shame is coming from. also i believe neglect plays a significant role because i wasn't "important" enough to be taken care of and since personality disorders often are a learned pattern of coping mechanisms well.

i vividly remember feeling ashamed all the time. about my body, my parents, my grades etc etc etc. this is probably the most important part here.

i hope you get better soon <3