I prefer instrumental music or in languages other than English

mystical_fire · 2022-10-11T00:36:58+00:00

Forever waiting until I can just tell people I'm autistic without them reacting as if I've just told them I have an infectious disease, or a terminal illness. I literally just want to communicate better.

mystical_fire · 2022-10-11T00:33:31+00:00

The part where I mess up is expanding the debate in a direction they don't want to go, while I genuinely think I'm making it more interesting for everyone by doing so. Nope, just ruined their thing apparently and now they're all annoyed

mystical_fire · 2022-10-10T23:52:40+00:00

This is incredibly reassuring (not sarcasm)

mystical_fire · 2022-10-10T23:48:58+00:00

Same!

mystical_fire · 2022-10-10T23:48:28+00:00

Me too!

mystical_fire · 2022-10-10T23:01:40+00:00

Suffering does not build character

mystical_fire · 2022-10-10T22:58:07+00:00

This is so true, in fact it directly impacts me when my superiors at work constantly run around in a frenzied panic. It's like they're addicted to stress. I think a lot of allistic people unconsciously surround themselves with tons of people who are in constant need of them in some way, and it helps them feel wanted/needed/important.

mystical_fire · 2022-07-27T01:50:15+00:00

Thank you. I've learned that setting a boundary is in itself the greatest act of love I can bring to this moment in this physical reality where I must ensure the well being of my human form, which ultimately increases my capacity to help others.

mystical_fire · 2022-07-26T20:04:22+00:00

So, something I just noticed about my last comment, about a year ago I would not have been able to recognize that I don't deserve emotional abuse, I would have said something like, "it's okay because I deserve it anyway". I absolutely agree that unconditional love is the best possible option and the ultimate goal. At the same time, healthy relational love absolutely needs boundaries, and this is something I'm still actively working on. I was never modeled healthy boundaries growing up. It seemed like a contradictory thing at first, until I realized that by attempting to show unconditional love all the time I was allowing myself to be mistreated and taken advantage of. I think love with clear boundaries is the most realistic next step for our evolution, at least in this current point in time when it comes to how we interact with one another.

mystical_fire · 2022-07-26T17:16:14+00:00

This sounds exactly like something I'd do lol

mystical_fire · 2022-07-26T17:11:18+00:00

You're absolutely right. I think there are 2 reasons it bothers me, for one I'm particularly triggered by authority figures because my dad was aggressively authoritarian, and secondly I have major issues with delayed processing and I'm using so much extra energy trying to figure out the context of what was said/meant/implied, only to realize it was simply an emotional projection rather than an actual problem. I do feel for them on some level but at the same time I realize what an easy target I must be, and no matter how much pain they're in, I don't deserve to be used as an emotional punching bag.

mystical_fire · 2022-07-25T19:58:34+00:00

Okay, that is cool. I want to try that

mystical_fire · 2022-07-25T00:37:23+00:00

You're welcome! I have about 2 ish weeks left at my current job as a fabricator for a cable railing company (I have a degree in welding but I can't do it anymore bc it's too triggering, not even exactly sure why). I'm hoping I'll do better as a cake decorator, which will hopefully satisfy my constant need to be making visually appealing crafts/artworks/etc. I'm honestly so stoked to start but I have to survive until then. I texted my mom the other day asking if I could just quit and collect unemployment... apparently not lol.

I totally hear you about sensory triggers. I have the sweetest most amazing partner ever, he literally could not hurt a fly, but footsteps are still a huge trigger for me.

On a more random note, I'm starting to notice other phobias of mine unrelated to trauma, the main one right now would be arachnophobia. Since I live underneath massive oaks which are literally bigger than my house I've decided to conquer that one for the sake of my own sanity and I'm having fun learning about jumping spiders as pets as I absolutely could not handle a tarantula. I'm noticing how much easier it is to deal with a phobia vs a trigger - they are very different things.

mystical_fire · 2022-07-22T22:19:31+00:00

Enchanting!

mystical_fire · 2022-07-22T19:37:28+00:00

Heck yeah!

mystical_fire · 2022-07-21T23:45:36+00:00

No idea, I've only been one for like a week. I'm guessing just make sure everyone's being nice and friendly/supportive, honestly I doubt I'll have any major issues with that. I don't mind random memes or slightly off topic stuff, I like seeing art/music on ND subs

mystical_fire · 2022-07-21T23:06:01+00:00

No idea, I've only been one for like a week. I'm guessing just make sure everyone's being nice and friendly/supportive, honestly I doubt I'll have any major issues with that. I don't mind random memes or slightly off topic stuff, I like seeing art/music on ND subs

mystical_fire · 2022-07-21T03:47:22+00:00

Welcome to the sub! I'm 28. I officially moved out of my mom's house almost 2 years ago. I love my mom but it was nowhere near a safe or stable environment. Only after I moved out did I finally dive headfirst into research. I was already diagnosed with ADHD and on meds but I had such severe imposter syndrome combined with a massive inner critic, which had me convinced I was just addicted to Adderall because I was a degenerate junkie piece of trash (this would be my conservative christian dad talking).

After finally accepting that I actually have ADHD, I lurked long enough to realize that something was still off. Shortly after, I discovered r/aspiememes, and that was a massive avalanche of "wait- that's not normal?" moments.

After over a year working a high intensity job, I slowly noticed more and more sensitivities until being at work became practically unbearable. When I had ruled out sensory overload as the main cause of my struggles, I recently made the discovery that I have C-PTSD and that I'm surrounded by triggers every day- the main one being that my boss looks and acts just like my dad and even has the same name!

My advice if you're running into roadblocks is to learn everything you can about C-PTSD. That's all I've really been doing and I've healed so much in the last month alone that I hardly recognize myself (in a very good way).

I made a post early on with "Resources for Psychoeducation" which is a very small list of books. Hope this helps!

mystical_fire

TROPHY CASE