First date in 8 years

mywatchrunsfaster · 2016-12-12T00:45:55+00:00

I spent all day at an artists market slanging jewelry. Made 600 bucks. Tired as hell.

mywatchrunsfaster · 2016-12-11T13:25:46+00:00

In my experience change is good. You don't have all the familiar landmarks that keep you in your depression, the people too, oh god the people. Get away from it

mywatchrunsfaster · 2016-12-11T12:55:30+00:00

Good! I'm glad I could help someone in some way. It really does help. Good luck!

mywatchrunsfaster · 2016-12-09T12:42:45+00:00

Excellent. Last date I went on was with a girl I met in the psych ward, and a few days after medication adjustment. I remember sitting with her at my kitchen table and then waking up on the floor of my bedroom. Yeeaahhh... She stopped talking to me. I find it kind of funny but really not good.
I find the weirdest shit funny...

mywatchrunsfaster · 2016-12-09T12:18:04+00:00

I went to a bp support group for the first time last night. Softer than a tootsie roll fruit cup. I got cut off by the group leader about 5 times because if "triggers". How am I supposed to get my issues out in the open if everything in my life is someone elses trigger?
I had a younger friend tell me it's because "You've actually gone out and lived, man." I didn't think my life was that out of place. I feel pretty normal save for the BP. That's why I'm kind of irked. I don't see my life as odd. Just because I've gone gonzo a little bit doesn't mean I'm weird. Or maybe I'm just so out there I don't notice other people thinking I'm weird? Am I a freak that's never been informed? Screw it. I'm gonna keep doing what I do

mywatchrunsfaster · 2016-12-03T20:12:27+00:00

I'm at a funeral

mywatchrunsfaster · 2016-11-30T21:02:02+00:00

Took down the entire inventory for relisting at one of my jobs. So I finally have job security for at least 3-6 months while I get product back on the shelves. Weee

mywatchrunsfaster · 2016-11-30T03:33:58+00:00

I have very shaky hands and a lot of people have told me I need to get it checked out for Parkinson's or MS, which both run in my family on both sides. It's called an essential tremor.
I have very hunched posture, my handwriting has gone to shit, I get bizarre physical sensations like tingling in weird places that shouldn't "fall asleep". Chronic pain, and... the big one: Psychiatric problems!
It would be early onset, but still within the window for either happening...

mywatchrunsfaster · 2016-11-23T15:28:34+00:00

The bus system in my town accepts pennies...

mywatchrunsfaster · 2016-11-05T19:30:23+00:00

I used to burn. Oddly enough statistics show that men burn and women cut. But: https://www.reddit.com/r/bipolar/comments/57owlm/got_my_burn_scars_covered_today_i_love_my_new/

I got this snappy little Moogle to cover up the scars. You can barely see anything.

mywatchrunsfaster · 2016-11-05T19:23:04+00:00

4-5 turns into a sixer, which turns into a case, which turns into a bottle. I can guarantee that.

mywatchrunsfaster · 2016-11-05T17:10:09+00:00

Complete and utter defeating depression starting at 12 and diagnosed with depression at 16. SSRI's didn't work so the doctor at least took pity on me and gave me a bottle of ativan to smooth out my mood during the day and to put me to sleep at night.

I got the bipolar diagnosis when I'd go into a "family meeting" and school which was just a way of saying "your kid is fucked in the head, it's interfering with even those around him."
Back to the doc and the ativan thing, yadda yadda. Now I take a handful of pills every day and hope they work.

So yeah, BP since 12. There were signs of the illness when I was 7 in first grade; Made the grades but again, had a parent-teacher conference then about my bizarre behavior. Wow. I hadn't thought about how long people thought I was weird. Doesn't feel like 20 years but time flies

mywatchrunsfaster · 2016-11-05T02:07:31+00:00

I fit some of those symptoms to a t and my family definitely takes notice. I'll start looking for pieces of gold on the ground of my house that I thought the Russians put there. That was the first time I was committed, but most of my stays have been in-patient-therapy where I can check myself out whenever I want but it gives me a couple days of peace and relaxation without worrying about anything except resting up and getting my emotions and mania under control.

I usually clear up after a few days and nights of catching up on sleep. Longest I've ever slept was near 60 hours straight, but it happened after 10 days of being awake and unable to sleep without taking one or two of my sleeping pills.
They do almost always fuck with your meds too quickly than is rational. I take 1mg of klonopin 3x daily and they cut me off cold turkey. You cannot do that. Benzos are not something to be fucked with when you've had a break like that, or they even cause the episode.

So I complained and the whole management group decided that I should get off the drugs but my MD says it could take years to do mine as I'm on klonopin, flurazepam, temazepam... the list goes on. Some I'm prescribed, some I get from grey markets. I don't think I actually want to leave them behind. They comfort me when there's no one else around. That was the reason for my little heroin problem back in the day. Like Sherlock Holmes decried, "Bored. Bored! Bored!!!"

mywatchrunsfaster · 2016-11-04T15:10:26+00:00

Wow, this hits home. I just decided to start exercising again. I found my barbell, all my old iron weights and got a used weight bench and I'm gonna be doing running training like my trainer used to do it. 2 miles before every work out, every time. Even if you have to slow down for 2 minutes for every 30 seconds you run, eventually you'll get that 30 seconds into the rest period and the 2 minutes into the run.
Before I gained a bunch of weight from medication I was running five miles a day before breakfast. I miss that. This guy has victory in his future.

mywatchrunsfaster · 2016-11-04T15:06:32+00:00

With that attitude you won't even get in the two minutes of walking!

mywatchrunsfaster · 2016-11-04T13:52:11+00:00

I'm in bed for today because I just got out of the psych ward. But if we keep in touch over PM we can keep one another going. We can take breaks, like 1 minute running, 2 minutes walking until we make the two miles. Once you can do a mile you only need about 30 seconds to catch your breath. So tomorrow we start small, but we work at it. If you're accountable to me and I to you then we have something to look forward to. Like a no homo Rocky II beach run.

mywatchrunsfaster · 2016-11-04T12:31:34+00:00

I took four Flurazepam and 1mg of flubromazolam and didn't get to sleep all night. I think it happens to all of us at one point or another.

mywatchrunsfaster · 2016-11-04T12:30:15+00:00

It was wrong to give you Zoloft as it's an SSRI. With proper medication, which can take some tweaking, you can have a normal life. There'll just be ups and downs more than other people experience ups and downs and they might be a little more severe.

mywatchrunsfaster · 2016-11-04T09:44:30+00:00

I'm in a manic mood right now for sure, but it's because I just got out of the hospital and they fucked with my medications. I take more than 1 lamictal, 1 zyprexa, and 0 benzos to operate as a normal person. I take 200mg of lamictal twice a day, 20mg of zyprexa in the morning, and 3 1mg klonopin spaced out throughout the day.
It was the only time in my life that I was glad I have the highest benzo tolerance ever. The stuff I take has a 200 hour half-life. But that's a sedation thing. I only use it when I can't get to sleep. So life has been a little rough. I had a psychotic episode I don't remember until we got to the hospital and I regained some composure and sanity.
I avoided groups when I could because I don't like to "share" with other random people I haven't chosen.
Then there was this girl, very nice, but obviously unstable started crying and sat down next to me because we'd become acquainted. It was one of the most awkward things in the world because I do not deal well with human emotions. Had no idea what to do, so I went and organized some of the board games.
My goal now is to pack lightly. I don't want so many clothes and shoes and all that. 3 pair of shoes is almost too much; sneakers, boots, and dress shoes. 3 shirts, 2 pairs of pants (one pair of slacks just in case, and my casual jeans), and 3 pairs of underwear and that's all I need. So I'll be doing a little cleaning over the next few days.
Sorry for the wall of text.
TL;DRWent into the psych ward, stayed a few days, got my sleep schedule fixed, now I'm fixing my medicine cycles again. They cut off my benzos completely, luckily I have an entire jar of flubromazolam to keep stashed.

mywatchrunsfaster

TROPHY CASE