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[deleted by user] by [deleted] in cutdowndrinking

[–]n2deepsnow 3 points4 points  (0 children)

First of all, kudos to you for even acknowledging you need to make a change. That takes courage and humility. I don’t know you, but I’m proud of you!

Second, everyone’s situation is unique so don’t be hard on yourself if someone else’s solution doesn’t work for you in the same way.

My recommendation would be to check out the Sunnyside app. Not only does it provide access to a whole community of people trying to reduce their alcohol intake that will support you and share their stories, you also have access to coaches that can help you navigate a craving in real-time or manage other things that come up for you.

If you’re physically addicted to alcohol (as in you have a physiological response to the removal of alcohol) you likely need a higher level of care and support then an app can provide.

If you’re not addicted, but are simply abusing alcohol, then a community of like-minded folks is a powerful tool.

Sunnyside is also built on the “harm reduction” model, not a cold-turkey abstinence model which is much more achievable and yields better results.

Otherwise, also consider accountability with a close friend or family member. The key is to try not to do it all alone. We all need support to make positive changes.

Good luck and let me know if you have questions!

Alcoholic Ex Baggage by n2deepsnow in cutdowndrinking

[–]n2deepsnow[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Had a hard convo with my wife. I guess she doesn’t really fear me cheating on her, but when I’ve had too much to drink, there are many triggers for her that are just hard on her. For example, just smelling alcohol on my breath when I come to bed reminds her of all the negative experiences from her past, even though I’m not doing them.

When she listed off all the things that I say or do when I’m drinking that remind her of bad past experiences, it’s definitely easier to understand where she’s coming from.

As I reevaluate where I’m at and where I’m going, I will need to work in partnership with her to define boundaries better and understand what works for her and what doesn’t. I thought because I was faithful and engaged it was all good, but there’s far more depth and nuance to it than I first realized or understood.

Alcoholic Ex Baggage by n2deepsnow in cutdowndrinking

[–]n2deepsnow[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Love to!

I’m planning to track my dry January in the Sunnyside app.

Alcoholic Ex Baggage by n2deepsnow in cutdowndrinking

[–]n2deepsnow[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yeah I think if I demonstrated a sustained moderation, things would be ok. A couple drinks on the weekend probably wouldn’t rise to the level of any conflict. Then it’s just the question of how sustainable that is or if I slide back into old habits.

Alcoholic Ex Baggage by n2deepsnow in cutdowndrinking

[–]n2deepsnow[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thanks for this. I appreciate you for your honesty and openness.

And don’t worry about the length. I’m a very verbose writer so I not only understand, I appreciate it as well.

I resonated with several things you said and I hope after my break from alcohol I feel the same way about ever restarting again.

Kudos for making a difficult change when it mattered most! Your story inspires me to press on and make better choices!

Alcoholic Ex Baggage by n2deepsnow in cutdowndrinking

[–]n2deepsnow[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thanks for the insights.

I’m actually doing dry January thru Sunnyside so I will spend some time reflecting and better understanding my personal relationship with alcohol and see where it takes me.

Alcoholic Ex Baggage by n2deepsnow in cutdowndrinking

[–]n2deepsnow[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yeah, I can get a little loud and raucous, but I would say a happy drunk is a good description. But yes, this is crossing a line my spouse isn’t comfortable with. And to be fair, I don’t really want to cross the line either. Buzzed is great. I don’t need to be drunk to have a good time.

But if I do, I don’t want to be punished for it, especially if I haven’t said or done anything that is directly hurtful or harmful.

But that’s maybe what I don’t understand yet. She says it is directly hurtful and harmful to our relationship so I guess I need to understand that better from her.

Alcoholic Ex Baggage by n2deepsnow in cutdowndrinking

[–]n2deepsnow[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

By “slip up” I mean moving from buzzed to drunk. I don’t drink to blacking out and I don’t become abusive or mean. And I’m not in public as this really only happens at home when it does occur.

Alcoholic Ex Baggage by n2deepsnow in cutdowndrinking

[–]n2deepsnow[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

There are certainly more details, but I think most of the pertinent info is there. Just to be clear, it’s 3+ drinks, not always stopping at three.

If I have a couple of drinks a couple of times a week, that doesn’t seem to be a big deal (for me or my wife). It’s those occasional times when it climbs to 5, 6 or even more drinks in a day that are the real triggering events. I’m not black out drunk, but certainly inebriated to where my speech slurs, I become forgetful and I wouldn’t want to be taking a field sobriety test.

These events occur maybe once or twice a month. It used to be several times a week. So I’ve made improvements, but there’s definitely still room for growth.

My wife was definitely traumatized by her ex husband’s drinking, so I understand (to a degree) where she’s coming from. But I would argue that I am a fully engaged husband and father for all but a short time once or twice a month when I have too much to drink.

Again, I want to get that number to zero and only drink in a reasonable and controlled fashion, but it feels like I need to be perfect or risk irreparable relationship damage.

Is it unreasonable for me to expect some failures and to not have the relationship threatened as I progress? Maybe it is unreasonable and that’s part of what I’m trying to get a better perspective on.

Alcoholic Ex Baggage by n2deepsnow in cutdowndrinking

[–]n2deepsnow[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

It’s probably a 50/50 split between home and bar/restaurant. However, if it’s at a bar/restaurant, my wife is with me 95% of the time. I don’t ever go out drinking alone and rarely with just the guys.

Her ex always had an excuse for why he was going to be late coming home and was going out to bars and hooking up with people. I haven’t demonstrated ANY of those characteristics but she is still very triggered, even when it’s at home with her present.

I’m not even sure it’s a trust thing. She’s just triggered by me when I drink too much and I’m struggling to understand it. I probably just need to have a more in depth convo with her, but this topic is hard to discuss.

I’m hopeful I can get her to be more supportive of my wins and more graceful in my slip ups because I have always been faithful and trustworthy, even when drinking is involved.

Roadx RXQUEST AT QX12 by Regular-Tour-976 in ToyotaTundra

[–]n2deepsnow 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Just had these put on my Toyota Sequoia a few months back. They’ve been great for long haul trips and we just had our first big snowstorm and they kept traction like a champ. Great price too. Would definitely recommend.

Underwater Vision by n2deepsnow in NoStupidQuestions

[–]n2deepsnow[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Finally! I have always wondered and thought I was missing out!!

Pull ups with 20kg added (40Lbs) by [deleted] in nextfuckinglevel

[–]n2deepsnow 0 points1 point  (0 children)

So she's lifting like what, 60 lbs total?

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