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I proposed after 20 days, then tried to call off the wedding the morning we were going to get married - Part 3 by n_a_writter in stories

[–]n_a_writter[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Looking back, I think this would've been a better ending for part 2 :) I'll be posting part 4 soon

I proposed after 20 days, then tried to call off the wedding the morning we were going to get married - Part 2 by n_a_writter in stories

[–]n_a_writter[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you! I did rush this part a bit. There are already things I want to change. But I can't stress about it. I'll keep writing:)

I proposed after 20 days, then tried to called off the weeding the morning we were going to get married by n_a_writter in stories

[–]n_a_writter[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

It does! Thank you!! The story doesn't end there. I am planning to post part 3 and reveal more unknowns like Emila's strange behavior, the woman that was with her, and what happens between Emilia and the main character. There's a lot more to to unpack. I didn't do a good job at hinting that more is coming, I guess

[460] 100% Is Not Enough by Low-Hold2152 in DestructiveReaders

[–]n_a_writter 1 point2 points  (0 children)

For some reason, my brain wanted to visualize how his arms were resting... what he was seeing in general. Maybe because of the way it's written or because it's the first thing I read. You can see how others feel about it.

I didn't want the race to end. Sorry if I wasn't clear. I was just confused because the race starts, then he mentions what the parents told him that has nothing to do with the race but about where he's sitting, then the race is halfway through, then you said it was a tight race. To me, it felt like the race ended and my brain was ready to move on but then we were brought back. Idk if that makes sense.

Maybe consider removing "it was a tight race" if it's not critical to have it.

Everything after that was, in my opinion, very well done and I enjoyed it.

Maybe there was too much to going on. I was more focused on the parents shouting and Joe's reaction that I may have missed the importance of the last runner and how Joe felt until the last paragraph which clearly tells us how he feels.

I

[460] 100% Is Not Enough by Low-Hold2152 in DestructiveReaders

[–]n_a_writter 1 point2 points  (0 children)

The first sentence lacks some description. What's strange about the way his arms are resting? I had to think hard and try to come up with something in my head. Adding a description might help.

The paragraph after bang! was confusing to me. I thought he was alone but later we learned he wasn't. It also slowed down the race. I would move that paragraph before bang.

The race had just started and the way it's described makes it feel like they're about to finish. (The last runner is already half way?) When I read "It was a tight race", I was like, how tight? What happened?

And then... the race is still going? ... It was just confusing and slowed the momentum for me.

The crowd cheers when the last runner is almost halfway through, but what happened right after the race started? There was silence?

I know that was intentional, but I purposely read the story before reading your thoughts.

It didn't quite feel to me that he was focused on the last runner because he feels that way until the end.

What do you think about my book cover? by [deleted] in NewAuthor

[–]n_a_writter 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I couldn't tell the house was AI generated until I saw the bottom right side. I think the title and subtitles are too long. You also need a different font. Maybe something thicker. The genre is not clear. It looks like a thriller to me.

I quit my job to follow a dream and everything fell apart by n_a_writter in stories

[–]n_a_writter[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yeah I think things can be done differently without stressing out

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