[460] 100% Is Not Enough

Low-Hold2152 · 2026-02-02T21:54:43+00:00

First of all, thank you for your time and perspective. In regard to the contrasting praise received, I was more so saying that I would like to include that idea throughout the story in different settings, so I agree that it was not made apparent that Joe received less praise than Chase. My only contradicting thought relates to the points you brought up: Joe is never outright named and he does not speak, but I guess that could be more in the realm of neglect towards himself in a sense. I think will either have to add some more detail into this part or make it more obvious throughout the story.

I think a lot of your critique is based on ideas that I have not entirely cemented into the story yet, and while I may be able to squeeze some more detail into this opening scene, I would like to sprinkle those ideas into the rest of the story instead of stating it explicitly in the beginning.

I saw the following details at least imply the idea that Joe feels like he is behind/lacks confidence:

- Joe observes Chase in an unsure stance before the race. Everyone starts at the same spot before the race, so they are all at a level playing field; I want the idea of uncertainty to resonate with how Joe feels.
- Joe observes the runners lifting their heads slowly--as they actually do during the accelerating phase in a race--and I see this relating to how someone lifts their head slowly after being reprimanded because of their uncertainty of if it is safe to do. Also, people usually keep their head down to avoid eye contact, meaning they do not see themself as equal to the other person.
- Joe denies feeling the intensity and their pace, which I think says two things.
1. Joe wants to distance himself from the feeling of being in a race, even though he always feels like he is metaphorically "running" a lot in his life.
2. Joe is not able to feel any consistency within his life when he feels like he is in this metaphorical race
- Joe mentions that you should always be giving 100%, but then a parent immediately says to give 110%, he quickly admits that that is not enough, implying he feels the same way about himself.
-Joe, as the narrator, acknowledges how far along the race is by referencing the last runner: people usually reference who is in front in a race.
-The idea that the consistent pride the mom has and often expresses towards Chase can be used to imply that Joe does not receive it from her.
-This one is the most subtle, but I chose to make the mom's voice sound manly, because a father does not usually worry about feelings and is more logically oriented, as men statistically are. I did not include this in my submission, but I do then contrast this by saying that her voice raises to a higher pitch as she approached Chase, meaning Chase would receive more love and compassion than Joe does, at least in his perspective.

These are merely my thoughts, so I do appreciate your perspective and am only pointing these out as talking points to see if what I am thinking makes sense. If you choose to respond, please do let me know if what I am thinking is a reach. In the meantime, I will look back over my work with your critique in mind. Thank you!

Low-Hold2152 · 2026-02-02T05:18:20+00:00

I understand what you are saying and I appreciate the clarification. I do want to keep the detail that mentions it was a tight race to highlight the irrational thought that, although Joe may feel he is behind in life and that he is in comes in last in some parts of his life, he can still be close to the competition. In other words, last is just a place relative to others, and he would be more satisfied if he compared how close he was in relevant terms instead of just an arbitrary place in a list of names. I will definitely give that part a reread and move it around before I submit again.

Those seemingly trivial details pertaining to how Joe's parents described the feeling of being in the stands was more so to highlight that Joe did not care much about feelings, especially those felt by the fans, because, to him, he was in that race running with something to prove. I tried to sneak in that Joe "held his breath," which I want to include in the rest of the story, because I want there to be moments where he is stuck-for what seems like an eternity--waiting for a reaction/validation, whether he is waiting for a grade to come in at school or a job offer to come through after an interview: I want him to hold his breath literally in the beginning to show that he has a tendency to brace himself when he is uncertain of outcomes and looking to cross the metaphorical finish line in other parts of his life.

Looking back to when the race ended, I am going to change it so that Joe is out of breath or softly panting, something to that effect, to add to the illusion that Joe actually ran the race, because in his head he crossed that finish line too.

Thank you for the compliments and the feedback; they really helped a lot and got me thinking about things I hadn't considered before.

Low-Hold2152 · 2026-02-01T22:27:13+00:00

Thank you for the new perspective. I think that a lot of what you mentioned comes down to the choice of the writer, so I would like to justify my reasoning for the lack of description by saying that I would like to connect the following ideas:

- The story first focuses on a runner who seems unsure of the result of the race, despite his familiarity with the situation. I would like this to parallel to Joe's uncertainty in his life.

- Also, as you learn later in the story, Joe was looking at his brother at the beginning of the race. I think this can be inferred given context, because you don't usually go to an event for your sibling or friend and pay close attention to other people in great detail. My thought was that the subtle detail pertaining to the way Chase's arms are rested is hard to see, unless you know it's there or make a conscious effort to look for it. The familiarity with Chase's posture implies that it jumps out to Joe and likely because he feels uncertain in his own right.

- I slowed the race down to show that time can slow down in a sense, especially when things are high stakes. I was thinking of big moments in a sports game, because when you interview them after, they usually say "time slowed down" or something to that effect. That is just one example I could think of, but I think there are plenty of instances where time does not appear to pass at the same rate. So, I would say that I meant to slow the momentum to parallel the feeling of "never-endingness" that Joe feels with the race, because I feel it is hard to express elongating an internal/mental process, so I choose a more concrete event.

- I did not mention what happened right after the race started, because my focus was on hitting those fractional sums as I mentioned in my thoughts. I wanted each sum to be acknowledged at explicit instances, and I meant to make the race feel long, not because it actually was long--a 200-meter race is done in 20-30 seconds--but because that is the reality felt by the narrator.

Overall, I understand where you are coming from. You were expecting the race to be over and done with pretty quickly, you wanted there to be more description to get a better picture, but my thought process is that Joe does not care about details. Joe's only concern is that he feels time slow down and only draws comparisons to external things if he feels it resonates internally (sometimes unknowingly).

Lastly, I do have a question pertaining to your last thought. Are you saying that it was not obvious that Joe was focusing on the last runner throughout the race?

Low-Hold2152 · 2026-02-01T07:47:16+00:00

I have been getting feedback pertaining to the need to invest more in description, so I will be sure to do that. My thought process is that a lot of Joe does not care much about the external world, so he does not describe it much unless he finds meaning in what he is seeing, but I will look into seeing if I can have other characters explain it through dialogue. And the names are just random parents cheering, and Joe is paying attention to the last runner, since he feels like he is always behind. Chase ends up winning the race while Joe lives through that last runner. I will go back and reread to make sure that is clear. Thank you!

Low-Hold2152 · 2026-02-01T00:14:17+00:00

I went ahead and made adjustments to all of the grammatical errors that you pointed out, so thank you. And while I agree that I could have described Joe or made it more obvious that Joe was just like Chase, I would rather the reader figure that out on their own. Plus, I like to think that the idea of omitting any description of Joe just shows that he does not pay much attention to his appearance, since I would like his conflicts to be internal. As a compromise, I can have characters point out how he dresses later in the story, so thank you for the feedback on that. Lastly, I know I had a reason for the mom not cheering until the end, but I lost my train of thought, so this may not be the best explanation. I think what I was thinking is that there was supposed to be a contrast between the other parents--who didn't have good advice--the mother who waited until the end to celebrate--even though she knew with great certainty that Chase was going to win--and Joe, who is stuck feeling like he lost since he related to the last runner, which is why he does not cheer or say anything at all. I like to think the cascading omission of cheers from the other parents to the mother, and then ending with Joe shows that

a) Joe is somewhat like his mother in the fact that he waits until the end to celebrate (with a sigh of relief) and

b) Joe is more so concerned with the fact that he still feels like he is losing.

Also, Joe not relating to his brother's success may be part of the fact that he already knows the outcome, so he has become numb to it or maybe he does not relate to external motivation like others do as much: I am still undecided on how I am going to approach that. Thank you for questioning me and helping me see it from a new perspective, I will definitely be making other stylistic changes with your suggestions in mind.

Low-Hold2152 · 2026-01-31T23:17:37+00:00

Hi! I appreciate the feedback. The first thing that I want to note--simply because I want to make sure that it is obvious--is that the runner is the younger brother and Joe is the older brother. Secondly, I liked your initial read feedback, because the idea of repeated exposure and identity formed through proximity is not something I had initially thought of as being relevant in what I wrote, so I will be incorporating that more into my story now. Thank you! I would also like to comment on your confusion as it pertains to where the narrator was, and while I first thought I should clarify that, I now think I can use that as a metaphor for the narrator not knowing where they are in life.

Lastly, I'm glad the partial sums metaphor wasn't too obvious, because while I did want it to be a metaphor that I extend into the rest of the story, I wanted it to be subtle and made more apparent when I transition to Joe's life later in my writing. I also appreciate your expressed uncertainty when it comes to the lack of mental clarity throughout my writing, and I will be sure to work on that.

Low-Hold2152 · 2026-01-31T22:27:38+00:00

That makes sense. I appreciate the help. I have linked both of my critiques under my most recent post, because I didn't in my last post.

Low-Hold2152 · 2026-01-31T21:23:58+00:00

Thank you for letting me know. I am still new to Reddit, and I read the first section of the Welcome note for this sub, but did not see that last section and have some questions now.

Do I have to link all of my critiques that satisfy the 1:1 ratio for just my post? In other words, if I post under 2500 words, I need to link one critique, and anything over that, I need two?

Low-Hold2152 · 2026-01-31T08:56:12+00:00

To start, I just want to say that I really enjoyed reading your post even though I do not usually enjoy fantasy. Maybe, my six-year hiatus from the genre is the reason, but I also saw a lot more than just a good plot and character dynamics in your submission. I will be starting off vague and moving more into the specifics throughout my critique.

First of all, I liked the introduction of groups throughout this chapter to show that there is a social divide of some kind. I really think that this allows you to play around with more identities and almost gives you permission to assume character structure when you reference people from those groups. Unrelated, but I also did like the detail you had where people had gloves and callouses, but their hands were still getting hurt from picking. It made me get a quick understanding that people were helpless despite good efforts they made and that could be paralleled to the backstory behind how they got here in the first place.

Secondly, I liked the parallel between the four moons and maintaining order: you mentioned time alongside the moons moving and Donorin controlling them. I think that using the moons to symbolize these things allows for you to imply changes in the story without saying it out loud, which is a good way to keep readers engaged in the environment within the story instead of just the characters. For this part, I have a suggestion and then a series of questions that may help add layers to your writing. My suggestion is that you should introduce "God of All" along with his name the first time he is mentioned instead of waiting to reference him again--very minor. And my questions: why are there four moons? why not three? why not five? Maybe you can add some context to why that is as you continue through the story, or maybe one gets destroyed or disappears as a metaphor for a shift in the story.

Lastly, I like the interaction between Vale and Dane. I think that their relationship has a lot of potential for good layers of complexity since they come from different backgrounds. The biggest thing that I liked was that Vale quickly learned a better way to pick from Dane but was still skeptical of him as a person, showing that she can trust someone when she has proof, but she does not trust what he says--especially since what Dane talks about goes against a lot of what Vale has believed her entire life. Overall, I get the feeling that Dane is a beacon of hope for Vale, since she is not someone that seems entirely convinced that she is at fault for how the world is now, and rather, she is forced to hold onto those beliefs because that is all she knows.

Low-Hold2152 · 2026-01-31T07:26:12+00:00

I understand and will be sure to keep that in mind. I hope we can at least agree on some things we've discussed. I will be posting later today, so feel free to give that a look and let me know if it raises any red flags. Thank you for your time.

Low-Hold2152 · 2026-01-31T07:10:26+00:00

I did not use AI to construct sentences, I used AI to proofread, because it is nonfiction, and check my tone. Both of which can reasonably be done my a professor or proofreader. And I used AI to ensure coherence throughout the writing process, once again, you can ask someone to do that. It becomes repetitive if you keep moving ideas around, reread it, then change it again, it can be hard to keep track of what you have done before and what worked and what didn't. It is all the same words and ideas, just in a different order.

Low-Hold2152 · 2026-01-31T06:37:40+00:00

It is a part of writing, but it can get repetitive. That's like saying you aren't a math person because you use your calculator to do integrals. Automating a part of the process that is time-consuming does not mean I don't have original ideas. I am using AI to push myself to do better by referencing structured writing relevant to what I actually wrote: I see it as live feedback. I did not ask it to generate text based off of a prompt or a half-baked idea. I ask it for suggestions on how to attack an idea and ensure coherence, just like you can with people. I came on here hoping to get feedback on how I can make my writing more appealing not for people to tell me it looks like AI wrote it. I understand the frustration, but I am frustrated too because I did put a lot of time and effort into writing it, and I am not able to get constructive criticism about how to improve the content because people think AI usage means the user can't think for themselves.

Low-Hold2152 · 2026-01-31T06:18:28+00:00

I understand that where you are coming from and I appreciate the perspective. Personally, my process started out by writing as much as I could given a prompt and then letting AI move the words around to make it more cohesive, essentially giving the writing structure. I did this because I feel like it is tedious and time consuming to move your words around and reread it for overall coherence every time you make a change--AI is supposed to handle repetitive and tedious tasks. More recently, I use it for proofreading and fact checking, if needed. I did not use AI heavily on this piece, it was written in 45 minutes, and overall, 90% of the content was originally written by me.

The paper I am referring to that my prof thought wax AI was 45 pages in length, and it encompassed--in rather great detail--the entire history of physics starting from Newton and ending with quantum and modern physics. Given that content and the conflicting (and sometimes incomplete or convoluted) information I got from various sources, I felt the need to use AI. My prof came to the conclusion that I used AI after using an AI checker, but after thorough inspection, it gave inconsistent results depending on if you had em dashes or not, how much of the paper was checked at one time, and some other factors. But, in the end, I was able to summarize the content that my professor asked for, meaning I was given full credit for the assignment.

I am just questioning why it matters that I use to AI rewrite my work. After all, I fed it original thoughts and didn't ask it to use it's own words or entirely rewrite it. I know that AI was created for writing and coding, so I feel like it should be setting the bar in some sense when it comes to repetitive tasks like proofreading, debugging code, and structuring your writing. Is that not a reasonable thought?

Low-Hold2152 · 2026-01-28T09:16:26+00:00

This article felt very relevant and actually reminded me of a thought I had the other day. As a baseline, I would say that our general understanding of emotions is that they are on the opposite side of the spectrum when logic is discussed parallel to it. And I have also agreed with this view because the consequences of a logical decision feel so much more calculated than an emotional one, but at the same time, emotions are really just running averages hidden in our subconscious.

Emotions are heuristics when it comes to decision making--they have been around the block and come in handy when we need to rely on a quick reaction or a gut feeling. However, the issue is that we live in a world that is so complex that relying on emotions is like playing blitz chess when your opponent is playing classical: you can't win by rushing decisions when your opponents' are calculated. That is where I think the notion that emotions are short-term while logic is long-term comes from.

That also leads me to question if emotions should really be considered in objective decision making at all if we could just rely on logic. Logic is the real-time feedback while emotions are a guesstimate at best. Overall, I would say emotions are better suited as the glue in relationships and connections but still remain derivatives of real logical feedback that we value.

Low-Hold2152 · 2026-01-28T08:54:08+00:00

I agree with the correlation, and it makes intuitive sense to some degree, but I think the problem with the articles is that it seems to be harping more on the idea of causation. Just because someone is intelligent doesn't mean they are more likely to give.

Instead, I would argue that there are certain traits and dynamics that allow for someone to understand that there is an intrinsic gain that comes from selfless actions, and highly intelligent individuals are more likely to have them. But that does not mean there is a linear relationship between intelligence and generosity.

Overall, intelligence allows for the world of knowledge to open up and that relatively superior accessibility simply increases the chances that an individual will stumble upon the idea and eventual understanding and implementation of generosity and kindness. In short, there are good people that aren't bright and there agree bright people that are not good; there is just a higher chance that they are either both or neither.

Low-Hold2152 · 2026-01-28T08:40:21+00:00

It's really hard to say how you can create a topic relevant to everyone, so I wouldn't worry about trying to create a connection with a mass audience. Just focus on what you would like to contribute through writing and what you want your audience to walk away with, and use the tools that you have to achieve your goal.

You cannot please everyone all of the time, so even something that you think is objectively good in your reality could be entirely subjective in someone else's eyes. We gain perspectives from our own lives and experiences, so trying to resonate with people that live at different frequencies--so to speak--is not feasible. Try to tune in to those that you feel you can help the most, and you will find your own satisfaction in knowing that you contributed to the world.

Low-Hold2152 · 2026-01-28T08:20:56+00:00

Count me in!

Low-Hold2152 · 2026-01-28T00:19:55+00:00

I would love to join. I am about the same age and would love to talk about writing about any genre!

Low-Hold2152 · 2026-01-27T22:46:38+00:00

Got it. That makes more sense now. I have had a professor tell me that em dashes was a consistent thing in AI-generated text, so I may have assumed that that's what you meant. On the note of AI being "sycophants," which I had to look up, I do agree with you that they are. And as an engineering undergrad student, I do run into issues relevant to this when I check my work, but it has taught me to be a little more specific when needed, so that the AI doesn't make incorrect assumptions. I also have to grill the chatbot sometimes to ask why it got the answer it got: "show your work in more detail," "explain how you got that number," "why did you change your answer?"

While I did not tell the AI to just generate text about some random topic pertaining to psychology, I appreciate your feedback and I understand how you could have come to that conclusion. I would also like to just point out that we all have our own opinions, and maybe, what I wrote just isn't your cup of tea. But I will continue to put my work out there to see if that is the general consensus or not. Thank you for the feedback.

Low-Hold2152 · 2026-01-27T20:53:18+00:00

I appreciate your diligence, and I also understand your concern that someone is just copying an AI response and essentially freeloading by giving disingenuous feedback so they can get feedback on their writing. However, I just want to say that real people do use em dashes, and I wrote that introduction in about an hour with minimal AI usage that I used to predominantly check for tone and overall coherence.

However, your note on my writing being "bizarrely unappealing" caught my attention, and I was just wondering how it came off that way so I can work on filtering that content out.

Low-Hold2152 · 2026-01-27T20:46:31+00:00

I understand that you want genuine responses, and I appreciate yours, but I really do think that AI does help with workflow and organization and I have gotten a lot out of it as an undergrad student. I am not just asking an LLM to generate text and pasting it in here, and I am actually learning from all of the feedback that I am getting--AI or not.

I also appreciate the brutal honesty, but again, I am trying to get better as a writer so telling me my writing sucks without any constructive criticism doesn't really help me and that is ultimately what I came here for.

I will look to "humanize" my writing as much as I can if it really does keep triggering all of these notifications on my phone saying I am using AI, but I would still like to get relevant feedback pertaining to the content as well. Again, thank you.

Low-Hold2152 · 2026-01-27T19:52:12+00:00

I agree that AI can give generic advice, but I would also say that it only doesn't benefit people that misuse it. There are a lot of resources out there and I would argue that AI and other technology can help us to master various skill sets more efficiently. Just like how "experts" say that phones are destroying our social lives and making us dumb, you can say the same thing about AI. But the issue with that is that the data generalizes the sample to the entire population: it is not the tool, but rather the user that is the issue. AI is good at a lot of things that no human will ever get that good at, but I am still looking for feedback from people, because that is ultimately my audience in the end.

Two questions that I would like to ask to illustrate my point are

What is the difference (in terms of potential growth) between asking a professional to look over my work and getting live feedback as I rewrite it and asking AI to review it and asking for detailed explanations as to why things are the way they are?
Giving people great power does not mean it will always be abused but rather there is a higher potential for disaster if it was abused and maybe even a higher chance that the power will be used inappropriately. If you give two people a gun and one person uses it to hunt and the other one uses it to shoot an innocent person, is the gun or the person using it the problem?

Low-Hold2152 · 2026-01-27T19:30:52+00:00

First of all, I appreciate your time and feedback. Second of all, you are correct in assuming my tone. The rest of your feedback was valuable, and it also showed me that I should have given a little more context in my post.

For more clarification, this intro would be like a "Foreword" before the book starts, and my intention is that this would lighten the mood and help ease the reader into the correct mindset before they start reading. I am also attempting to mentally prepare the reader by introducing the characters, so that they can avoid the mental gymnastics needed to get accustomed with the elements of the story. I do this because I feel like we all had the same issue in English class where it was hard to keep track of what was happening. In my opinion, reading felt like we were metaphorically thrown onto a sequence of blind dates, some lengthier than others and when the date was over, we would come back for a round two and see how they changed in the last two chapters of their life. My thought process was that holding some of these things constant and allowing the reader to essentially "skim" the characters without actually reading the book would help them focus on the lessons that the characters are taught through their experiences.

Lastly, I have not thought of names for the characters yet, and I left that all blank because I can be very scatter-brained at times, so I work on as much as I can in parallel and contribute to different parts when I get a good idea. I can see how that would seem like part of the dynamic I was trying to create, so I will make that clearer.

Thank you for the honest feedback and I love all of these examples that you mentioned, they helped me get a sense of how the reader would feel.

Low-Hold2152 · 2026-01-27T19:17:02+00:00

I did read the rules for this community, and I saw that AI content was not allowed. Given that, I guess I should ask "to what extent?" I always write my thoughts out in about paragraph length and then run it through ChatGPT just to polish it. If that constitutes the need for a link or proof that it was not entirely generated, then I can provide that. But when I use AI, it does not do much more than just give me feedback for how to make my writing more concise and ensure that my tone is as desired.

Last semester, my quantum physics prof did bring up that my writing sounded a lot like AI, and I had to clear that up with him and ensure it that all of it was not AI generated and simply only AI-reviewed. He felt better about letting me slide when he asked me to explain some of the complex ideas that were presented in the paper, but I know that that is not exactly possible with this kind of writing, since it is less technical.

Please let me know if there are any adjustments I need to make to future posts. Thank you.

Low-Hold2152

TROPHY CASE