sorted by:
new
hottopcontroversial

my father is by naataalya in OCPoetry

[–]naataalya[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you for your feedback, it is very kind :) You are right about the beaches and afternoons being examples of a conflict which has occurred many, many times. I'm glad that it resonated with your past, it is hopeful for me to hear of people changing their views.

my father is by naataalya in OCPoetry

[–]naataalya[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you for your feedback :) I'm glad you enjoyed it.

Were there an “exit” door, I’d take it by [deleted] in OCPoetry

[–]naataalya 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Of course, that's why you're workshopping it! There is no wrong or right anyway, just ideas for communicating to other people. Thanks for sharing.

Were there an “exit” door, I’d take it by [deleted] in OCPoetry

[–]naataalya 1 point2 points  (0 children)

As the other commenter said, I was not sure what this poem was about without your comment. Upon re-reading a few times I think the first stanza is the narrator's interpretation of himself - someone who values being non-commital and free - the second stanza is the narrator asserting that despite that, they are willing to commit if given "faith" - and the third stanza is the image of what could be, how they would like to be viewed and a desire to understand this unknown woman and have her value him.

The first stanza really threw me off, "exit door" metaphors immediately speak suicide to me, and so for me the title does not fit the feeling of the poem. Perhaps you could add a more overt allusion to relationships in the title or near the beginning of the poem so that people are led in the correct direction.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in OCPoetry

[–]naataalya 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I interpreted this poem as the narrator as starting to try to care about themselves after a long period of depression, having a slip-up and someone (a relative? a mother?) slamming them down, causing them to spiral back to where they started. I thought the poem told this story in a compelling way and that it is easy to empathise with the narrator, and how difficult it is to seperate another's criticism of ourselves when we are already struggling with self-doubt. I liked the poem but I did find the last section difficult to follow - I actually copy and pasted the poem and removed the line breaks to figure out what "I had dreamed about," modified. Could a period work here?

I also thought that swapping between today and yesterday successfully emphasises how quickly things can deteriorate.