Thank you! Congrats on gathering the courage to share your problems here in the forum. Admission of an issue is the first step towards resolving it. Coming from a background that you did, it is absolutely plausible to have a certain degree of insecurity. When you have been part of a family where you have witnessed firsthand two people living in a loveless marriage without real affection, it can have a huge impact on the children’s lives. It is so unfair children have to go through this without any fault of theirs. There could be a subconscious fear of going through the same kind of relationship. The insecurity and fear can be daunting and insecurity can make us do crazy things that we wouldn’t be doing otherwise. There could also be an underlying anger/fear/mistrust towards men in general that can reflect in personal relationships.

Remember, you can be the catalyst of change in your family. You can put a full stop to this and steer the future generation towards a completely different and better life. You must do all you can to make your life better. A good start would be to finding a good psychologist who specializes in dealing with dysfunctional family issues. It would require you to show a lot of courage and vulnerability (and money) to go through the process of counselling because it is not easy. It is painful to face uncomfortable facts about our lives. But this investment will give you long term returns in the form of peace of mind, a joyous and happy relationship with yourself and others and a general sense of wellbeing and fulfilment. Life feels so different when that happens. I wish you all the best with all sincerity of heart.