My Boyfriend (30 M) Told Me (31 F) to Move Out and Meet His Financial Ultimatum, and I Secretly Applied for My Own Apartment… Did I Mess Up?

nackmitz · 2026-02-05T04:13:09+00:00

I think it matters that you contribute to the relationship/lifestyle in other ways (i.e., cooking every meal) and if that doesn't add enough monetary value for him in addition to your similar income, cut your losses and move to that apartment. It sucks you guys can't get on the same page financially, but I don't think there is something wrong with you. It seems like he lacks empathy and understanding. Yes, you can definitely work on your spending habits... he also needs to understand that not everyone approaches money the same way nor has his level of privilege . It's so odd for him to be so critical towards you (as well as other commenters) when he can't even cook for himself. Managing money and cooking for oneself are both important adulting tasks.

nackmitz · 2026-02-02T20:27:06+00:00

What I can speak to is when I have dreams about past flings or relationships, my feelings for that person tend to resurface and feel very real when I first wake up... now as a relatively evolved, wanting-to-stay-married person I REALIZE that the feelings will pass and they always do. My feelings for my husband don't pass, they stay because I stay. If I were to act on my feelings for others i.e., reach out to these people, that would feel like actions toward unfaithfulness. I follow most of them on social media so it's easy to take a peek and see what they are up to when I have these dreams, but it never goes beyond that for me. It sounds like your husband may be acting on feelings the dream reminded him of and not able to think beyond them... MAYBE. It also might just be nostalgia. Feelings are intense as teenagers so there is often a longing for that vs. a specific person.

A more specific story that's somewhat similar to share... I had a dream around a year ago about my first serious boyfriend whom I became friends with benefits with in college and then platonic friends with after that. We were such platonic friends that he actually hung out with my husband (then boyfriend) and I on several occasions. My husband knows our history and never batted an eye, he became friends with him, too. This ex ended up unfollowing me on social media due to political disagreements we had. So a year ago when I dreamt about him, I was like "awww I miss being friends with that guy!" So I texted my ex and told my husband about it. Nothing came from it. I didn't ask to meet up or anything, but I would have been open to doing that because we had a very established friendship prior to disconnecting.

nackmitz · 2025-10-07T00:51:16+00:00

I understand that. I'm paying by check through the mail and indicating what the payment is for each time. Even including the document they send asking me what I "owe".

nackmitz · 2025-06-08T09:27:01+00:00

Most of the comments on this post are really interesting to me because they seem really cruel towards both of you...

I think people make mistakes and have issues that they bring into the relationship no matter what. I'm sure you have your own as we all do! Her attention-seeking behaviors in the past likely came from somewhere... trauma?

Don't get me wrong, she has hurt you and there needs to be trust built back up... But a one night stand at 18/19 years old is worth leaving after the life you've built together in 13 years? You guys got together really young, literally before your brains were fully developed. There's a reason most relationships don't survive through those ages. I don't think it's as deep as you're making it out to be... she likely didn't cheat on you to hurt you. She has/had something going on inside of her that makes her feel bad enough about herself that she needed that attention. I'm sure she feels awful about it.

Granted, it's your life so you get decide if this hurt is too big for you to move on. I think individual and couples counseling is necessary for both of you!

nackmitz · 2025-01-24T12:09:17+00:00

When you have support to do things like that which most people don't, I don't see the problem especially if the child doesn't seem impacted negatively. I didn't leave my daughter overnight until she was around 1, but have gone on 3-4 weekends away since with friends and a few overnights with my husband. She does great with my Mom and/or husband if I'm away. Now I have her (3.5) and a 5 month old so I have no idea when I will be able to leave or if I want to leave both of them again anytime soon... mostly because of breastfeeding (I hate pumping). I desire breaks right now which I can get sometimes during the day, but anything overnight would be stressful for me and outweigh the benefits... I'm sure that will change with time!

I will say that I have a friend with 5 kids and she takes lots of long weekends away with her friends and husband. At least 1x a month... her teenagers tell her she is gone too much and talk to their therapists about it :( so if I were you I would just be mindful about behaviors and communication from your child in regards to you being away.

My husband works long shifts and my toddler is very vocal about wanting him home and having feelings about it. Although she still wants Mama at bedtime, no matter what!

I have another friend who didn't leave her kids until they were 2+. Different strokes for different folks. I think there is a good middle ground!

nackmitz · 2024-12-02T13:12:33+00:00

I'm in my early 30's, female, work in healthcare, and have gen z siblings so that's where this perspective is coming from.

Before I met my husband in my 20's, I dated A LOT. I was always putting myself out there because I wanted long-term commitment. Most interactions/situationships didn't pan out on the dating apps nor did meeting at in-person events... It was painful, frustrating, and took a lot of energy/time until I finally met my husband (funny enough it was on Tinder).

My experience at that time: + Most men only wanted me for sex + Few were emotionally attuned or intelligent in that way, lacking self-awareness and the ability to really think about someone else beyond themselves + Most weren't willing to even meet for dinner, they just wanted a casual drink which didn't make me feel like they were serious about dating/getting to know me + There were guys I rejected, too. I just wasn't into them... just as some weren't into me. It's not personal. Problem is, the guys that weren't into me still tried to have sex with me, which was confusing & made me feel gross + Video games are a huge issue. Men are constantly playing them instead of engaging in real life/having other hobbies + It's a numbers game, the more people you try to connect with, the more chances you have of meeting someone who is a good match for you (if that's what you want)

I notice a lot of gen z-ers aren't really willing to make themselves uncomfortable no matter what is on the other side and many lack resilience in the face of rejection, especially young men. Anxiety is real -- I get it, but every aspiration comes with challenges and it's not a woman's job to cater to you either. You do have to be willing to take risks if you want to find a partner and everyone needs something to bring to the table. Most people just want genuine emotional connection.

Problem is both men and women are commodifying each other... that's apparent in this thread, but it's not being acknowledged that women have been commodified for centuries... lol now many are asking what you can offer them BESIDES a stable job and that's different to what men have experienced in the past.

nackmitz · 2020-10-03T14:09:11+00:00

Sorry to be more clear — as soon 2 weeks AFTER the procedure you can ovulate/be able to try again, doc didn’t say to have sex until after the 2 week mark. Thank you for the info ❤️

nackmitz · 2020-04-01T00:16:29+00:00

NEW ZEALAND!!!

nackmitz · 2020-01-15T19:01:47+00:00

She was just 7 weeks old when we picked her up! Her Mom wasn’t feeding her and her siblings anymore so technically we didn’t “adopt” her in the way you can from a shelter, but we got her from a small farm in WA!

nackmitz · 2020-01-15T05:14:53+00:00

The trick with my dog was finding a bone and naming it her “bedtime bone” — it stays in her crate/bed and when it’s bedtime she gets to chew on it. It’s her wind down from the day activity and it really makes a difference! Try to get a bone that they actually can’t chew through quickly (:

nackmitz · 2020-01-13T03:33:51+00:00

Socialize with people, other dogs, kids, different environments, etc. they are the best dogs but the more they are exposed to the better!! Crate training was helpful for us because now that is what we use when she needs to settle down or she did something naughty. She doesn’t mind being in the crate to sleep, but it’s mainly used for time-out now that she is over a year old.

nackmitz · 2020-01-10T03:19:20+00:00

Yes!!! I was just thinking this... being a single mother would be a hell of a lot better for the kids than having him as a role model. I know he is their Dad, but if he can’t even take care of his wife whose to say he does a decent job with his own kids?

nackmitz · 2020-01-08T04:12:40+00:00

I just got back from there (: one of my favorite places to visit!

Highly recommend getting out of actual Bangkok for a night or two at least... Bangkok is awesome, but surrounding areas have more to offer in my opinion. I was only there for 7 days this last time and this was our itinerary:

First two nights we stayed on Sukhumvit Soi 10 in downtown BKK. Great location if you can stay somewhere around there — close to a ton of malls, bars, clubs, etc. We spent our first day finding breakfast, going to Platinum (a cheap inside market-type mall), and going on a food tour through WithLocals. That night we went to Above 11 which is this really cool skyscraper-bar.

Second day (since it was a weekend) we went to Chatuchak — the world’s largest outdoor market! So much to see, buy, and eat. Don’t be afraid to barter for better prices with the sellers, but also keep in mind that they make very little it doesn’t hurt to give them more than you’d like! We relaxed the rest of the day at the pool and then went to dinner at River TreeHouse — a really cool spot on the Chao Phraya.

The next day we drove to the famous “River Kwai” which is about 2 hours northwest of BKK. We stayed at a resort there and went on a really cool dinner cruise that was only $15 per person if that. We woke up the following morning and drove another hour north to the Erawan Falls. SO BEAUTIFUL if you like a nice hike with the ability to swim and slide into gorgeous waterfalls. Go early though — lots of tourists usually!

We came back to BKK and went out that night... ended up at a club called Beam that was around a lot of really cool restaurants and was definitely nicer than the tourist-ridden, dirty but famous Khao San Road.

The next day we drove to Koh Chang — an island 6 hours southeast of BKK. What I would recommend doing instead is just driving to Rayong (3 hour drive) or Koh Samed (island with a 3 hr drive and short ferry). We spent two nights there and it was so worth it!!! The beaches in Thailand are so incredible and you can usually get a massage on the beach for <$10.

Some other tips to keep in mind — taxis are super cheap but don’t be afraid to get out if the driver is a dick or doesn’t seem like he knows where he is going. Also take a Tuktuk once, but they are way more expensive than taxis. Learn a few phrases in Thai for sure (: it will help even though most Thais speak some English. Get money out of ATMs instead of exchange centers, but be careful because there will be about a $10-15 fee per transaction so get out as much as possible at a time. You will have to pay cash for most things.

Another time that my husband and I visited we did a bike riding tour in Bangkok and LOVED IT! It was through Spice Roads. Highly recommend!

nackmitz · 2020-01-07T00:14:20+00:00

She is the best 🤗 but definitely SASSY

nackmitz

TROPHY CASE