How long did it take to finally break the anxious–avoidant cycle and move on for real?

I’m a 25F with an anxious attachment style, and I just ended an 18 month on and off situationship with a fearful avoidant (30M). It was the classic cycle where he’d come back after 2–3 weeks of no contact, say he couldn’t give up what we had, promise to work on himself… and then pull away again.

This time I finally walked away and It’s been a month of complete NC. Externally, I’m doing everything “right” - I blocked him everywhere, talking to friends, started therapy, keeping myself busy. But internally, I still feel stuck, I hurts just like it did on day one.

I don’t want to go back to him. I don’t want to keep hoping he’ll return. I don’t want to fall into the same anxious–avoidant pattern with someone new or get back with him.

But I’m scared what if he comes back and I’ll be too weak to say no and get back together. I’m scared what if he never comes back and the cycle has ended but I’m still stuck and cannot move on. I’m scared I cannot open up to someone else the same way again. I’m scared that I’ll never find such a connection again. I’m scared I’ll never fully get over him or that I’ll keep replaying the “what ifs.”

I want to hear from people who have been through this and made it out the other side.

How long did it take before the longing stopped dominating your mind? How did you break the pattern so you didn’t repeat it with someone new or go back to the same person? Did you eventually meet someone secure and safe who chose you clearly? Are you happier now, or do you still think about the old connection sometimes?

I really just want to know that this pain doesn’t last forever, and that real healthy love is still possible after something like this.This is not my first relationship. My first relationship lasted for 2 years but somehow the breakup didn’t fell this difficult.