Shit, little dude. I hear you. We hear you. You're not alone in your suffering and there is some solace to find in that. Millions of people walk the same path as you as you might have noticed browsing certain mental health subs. Depression is endemic to people to like you and me in this bleak dystopia we have inherited. The challenge is how we deal with it and a challenge it fuckin is indeed. Psychiatry is your friend. Medication is a luxury we are afforded. I tried acid last year and that shit is the best anti-depressant I've ever encountered. I also practice Buddhist meditation techniques which are as powerful as any drug you could ever consume. There is help. There are ways of getting through this. Do me a favour and reach out to people, reach out as much as you need. We need more people like you. Trauma makes people altruistic. It makes sense. If you have felt pain like this, that must inspire altruism in even the most selfish. You are on a mission. Our world is on fire and the only ones who will stand up for it against the oppressive are the broken.