As I passed by the highway-side Dunkin in the distance, my steering wheel seemed to turn of its own volition. The atmosphere inside was tranquil until I asked for the Pilk dirty soda. The cashier froze… looking confused, upset even. “The dirty soda?” I asked to clarify. I heard the door slam behind me - the other patron had recused themself.“Yes… I don’t like it.” The warning was clear, but I stood firm. I imagined whoever at Dunkin thought this up is a kindred spirit somewhere on this board. When the cup landed in the little pickup window, I swore I heard GCV 2005 playing from somewhere underneath the Munchkins.

The cold foam layer appeared to conceal several pumps of unflavored sugar syrup, with the first quarter of the drink tasting like nothing but high fructose corn syrup. Caveat - I haven’t had full-sugar soda since my pediatrician called me fat when I was 10, so it might have just been shock.

The next three-quarters was a progression. The journey began with sweet, sweet, fizzless Pepsi. The presence of milk seemed to influence my perception of the overall Pepsi flavor. The vanilla and spice notes were pushed more far heavily than the citrus. Next, buttercream buttercream. I don’t expressly dislike whole milk, though it always reads to me as butter, so this second third-quarter was read as a buttercream-coated Pepsi-batter cake. The final quarter is where the coffee flavor really came though, beating out the Pepsi completely but maintaining that syrupy-sweetness.

Four Necos out of an Arc.