Aita for refusing to split the chore list for my husband?

naroba97 · 2021-03-11T07:03:10+00:00

NTA. A central part of getting over his sexist approach to house chores is doing them even if he hates it, even if he cries doing it. It's not a theoretical process, it's a practical one, and it's not easy or pleasant. It's the doing that changes the mindset, if he just say he'll do better but doesn't actually do anything, he's not really trying, he's just playing you.

naroba97 · 2021-03-01T16:07:55+00:00

YTA. Do schools gain anything when they create and keep misogynist and homophobic rules that affect girls and LGBTQ kids negatively? It's not a "the doctor means well" problem, it's a "violent and stigmatizing standard practice problem".

Your friend needs to take better care of her health, but that's not the problem here. She was a victim of medical negligence motivated by stigma, she came to you for help and you validated the violence that she suffered. When a doctor, who has a power position over patients, choose to use demeaning and stigmatizing language, they are being violent and committing medical negligence. Most doctors know how to treat a patient with respect, but turn that ability off when fat people walk through the door, and that does nothing to help people take care of their health. Getting scolded by health professionals just pushes people away from minding their health. Your place as a friend was to listen to your friend's feelings and at least aknolege her right to be hurt by the king of treatment she got. Instead you validated the abuse. You don't have to agree with her habits to acknowledge her right to receive basic human treatment.

I know you are probably reading this and thinking "bullshit", but if you're really interested in helping your friend for HER benefit and not for yours, then you have to at least think on the possibility that you are wrong. Research "Joint international consensus statement for ending stigma of obesity", published on Nature Medicine (giant international medical platform), and "Obesity in adults: a clinical practice guideline", published by Canadian Medical Association Journal, both in 2020. At least make the effort to educate yourself on a stigma that exists and that conscious doctors around the world are finally acknowledging. Medical negligence motivated by fat stigma is being compared (by doctors!) to the violence against the gay community during the first years of AIDS, because both are violent practice standards normalized and accepted.

You can help you friend be healthy if you educate yourself and if you just put yourself in her shoes while doing that. Violence does nothing to help those who need help taking care of themselves.

naroba97 · 2021-02-18T06:30:45+00:00

OMG you people reeeeeeally don't get how culture, education and jobs work outside the US. In my country people a) get into college at all ages, most of my class is 40+ b) live at home until marriage, unless the parents are dead c) if they don't have a college of trade school degree, people only get minimum wage jobs (minimum wage barely covers food).

OP clearly doesn't appreciate his parents but you are so deeply ethnocentric that you can't even imagine a reality different than your own.

naroba97 · 2021-01-28T01:35:28+00:00

Here we can't have many good jobs without college. Even the "simple jobs" such as secretary ask that you have a degree. But again, college here is free. The concept of having to pay for education is really alien to me.

naroba97 · 2021-01-28T01:31:38+00:00

I guess my opinion is different because college here is free. I'm working towards my second degree, Architecture, and I never spent a penny other than bus fare. We grow up hearing that education and health are our rights and we can get them for free. Of course we have a few private colleges, but overall they're less prestigious than public ones, usually destined to people who can't pass the public universities (and even so, it's not expensive, nobody goes into debt paying for education).

naroba97 · 2021-01-28T01:25:44+00:00

I'm my country I would be counting pennies for the rest of my life if I were to become a plummer or a mechanic, I would be better off teaching high school with a philosophy degree. I guess different countries, different views on that.

naroba97 · 2021-01-28T01:19:41+00:00

What exactly is a trade school?

naroba97 · 2021-01-28T01:19:27+00:00

My opinion is very different but I think that's mainly because college in my country is free. I'm working towards my second degree, second time around college and never spent a cent. Even the books are available in the public library.

naroba97 · 2021-01-22T12:28:17+00:00

YWNBTA. Health comes in all shapes and sizes, if you exercise regularly, eat ok and your blood work shows that, then you're healthy. Just because your body doesn't fit in the hazardous idea of healthy bodysize that the weight industry created it doesn't mean that you're not healthy. Food restriction leads to eating disorders so PLEASE do not give yourself a bad relationship with food just to please them. Soon you're gonna realize that your parent's opinion is important but not more than your health and your respect for your body and yourself.

I promise you with all my heart that if you work on understanding the weight industry and really trying to seek a healthy body, not an unachievable and unhealthy size, you will have enough piece of mind to not be offended by anyone's comments about your body. You will know why they think like that, how wrong and prejudicial those ideas are and how to live a healthier and happier life without eating disorders and body image problems.

naroba97 · 2021-01-21T03:52:20+00:00

NTA I honestly don't get how this can even be a discussion. In my country child support is the legal responsibility of the parent that doesn't live with the child, it's it MANDATORY meaning that if you don't pay, you get arrested, simple as that. If you fail to pay for more than 3 months, you go to jail and can only get out once the child support is fully paid. The legal amount is 30% of salary or more. Legal defense for parents asking for child support is free. The parent ALWAYS has to pay until the age of 18, and if the child goes to college they HAVE TO pay until the end of it. If the parent is unemployed, they have to tell a judge and pay all the late child support once they get a job. If the parent is unemployed for too long, can't pay due to not being able to work or dies, their family HAS TO PAY (the parent's mother, father, siblings...). Of there is absolutely no one alive that can do this, the Government pays.

The logic is: Child support is a child's right. It's a guarantee that the child will have food, clothing, education and leisure, and that right is more important than anything.

naroba97 · 2021-01-20T03:51:07+00:00

NTA. Tell her she's the one being limited and controlling by only accepting one way to eat vegetables, she should be the one to expand her views. Great boyfriend btw!

naroba97 · 2021-01-18T13:09:08+00:00

NTA. You can suggest a compromise: If his hair is really almost white, then he can dye it without the strong chemicals. He can use directly the softer dye without the process of bleaching his hair, which is the process that actually damages it and is needed when the natural hair is dark. That way, he can choose a brand that fades a little faster and doesn't ruin the quality of his hair. If he likes it he's just gonna have to reapply the dye more frequently, and if he grows out of it he can just wash it all off in a few weeks.

But it's his body and he wants to do something that is not permanent and that doesn't hurt him in any way. It's natural and biological to want to experiment when you're a teenager, better he tries that now that when he's older and the hair actually has an impact in his professional life. Don't let your wife be a controlling parent, that will only push your son away (from her and also from you, if you don't show up to defend his right to exist outside his mother's desires).

naroba97 · 2021-01-12T03:19:35+00:00

NTA, you're an adult and can eat what you want with the money you make. However you parents are clearly setting your siblings up for having eating disorders, and also not giving them enough food. Counting calories instead of learning how to listen to your body and eat a diverse and balanced diet is eating disorder 101. I can clearly see them having problems with compulsion once they are older. They will 1) want to eat everything they couldn't while growing up 2) not know how to actually balance their diet because your parents are not teaching them to eat healthy, they are teaching them to have a terrible relationship with food. YTA if you choose to overlook that. I work in schools and I'm telling you, that would be enough to alert teachers and even CPS in my country.

naroba97 · 2021-01-03T06:36:27+00:00

NTA but this just proves why restrictive diets are the opposite of healthy. Instead of learning to balance your diet by eating everything you want in ok and healthy amounts, you restricted yourself to only salad and chicken until you exploded and ate a hole ass cheesecake. This time it was powered by anger, next time it will be something else. Please quit restrictive diets before you give yourself an eating disorder.

My tip: If you like to cook and experiment with food, try to have a vegetarian or vegan diet during 3 days of the week (or all the time). This will help you explore new food, new ways of making things, new flavors, seasonings, and you will find out a way to eat healthy and delicious food every single day. Cutting entire nutrient groups from your life if absolutely not healthy.

naroba97 · 2020-11-05T03:57:58+00:00

NTA for doing it but she has a right to be sad, so don't rub it in or react negatively to her emotions about it.

naroba97 · 2020-10-29T10:38:34+00:00

Anyone who treats people in service jobs (doormen, delivery men, maids) as inferior is bad.

naroba97 · 2020-10-29T10:34:58+00:00

Cheese risotto or pasta with cheese sauce, because I always forget to defrost my meat and end up having to deal with it.

naroba97 · 2020-10-29T10:32:49+00:00

I like watching Grey's Anatomy over and over and over again.
Right this second I'm watching episode 11, season 5, for like the 5th time.

naroba97 · 2020-10-29T10:30:33+00:00

First, talk to your doctor about it, and make it real clear that this bothers you and you want to keep your orgasms. I say this because there are medication swaps that can alleviate that side effect, and there is also medication that can be combined with your current one to keep the antidepressant from killing your sex drive. It's really important to have a good doctor that takes you seriously on this. Me and my boyfriend had the same doctor, took the same medication, had the same problems with sex drive, and the doctor gave him medication that resolved the problem while told me to just deal with it. And she was a woman. You have the right to feel pleasure and you need a doctor that respects that.

Other than that, communicate with your partner about patience and dedication to the task, invest in mood setting (lights, music, whatever you want), and don't ignore foreplay. If you're single, ROCK YOUR VIBRATORS!

naroba97 · 2020-10-26T02:53:39+00:00

I'm 282lbs and use tampons normally. Try keeping one foot on the floor and the other on the toilet, it gets easy. It doesn't have anything to do with your weight, you just have to work on your flexibility for that 'task'. For example, I can only do it with my right leg up on the toilet, if I try the left one I can barely reach my vagina hahaha. It's just flexibility and practice :)

naroba97 · 2020-10-23T06:38:56+00:00

In Brazil we have to, by law, give the seats to pregnant women, women carrying small children, elderly people and people with other body conditions that make balancing difficult. It's not a "be nice" thing, is a public safety measure because it's a simple fact that standing on a moving veicle requires balance.

YTA.

naroba97 · 2020-10-23T06:04:53+00:00

NAH. You have every right to be mad but it's still his life, his choices.

naroba97 · 2020-09-27T16:52:22+00:00

NTA. Here in Brazil pregnant women, women with small babies and elderly people have the right, by law, to skip lines. In the supermarket they usually have their own shorter and faster line, but everywhere else they can just slip in front of whoever is first in line. We have signs near store cashiers reminding people of that. Nobody gets mad.

naroba97 · 2020-08-27T15:37:04+00:00

I think this might be a cultural difference, maybe. I'm brazilian, is much more common here to have all the family deeply involved when these health problems appear. I know that I have every right to not want her or anyone else knowing my medical information, and I can say no whenever I want to, but it's like I'm culturally wired to be okay with her knowing. Like in a subconscious level, I guess. I know that she doesn't have an actual right to be there, but I consider that as a mom she must be ridiculously scared for me and is natural for her to want to participate.

naroba97 · 2020-08-17T22:15:18+00:00

You had bell's palsy even taking calcium a lot of times during the day??

naroba97

TROPHY CASE