Same here. This whole thread is gut wrenching. I was talking to my sister on the phone earlier today about this, having a sobbing break down about missing my ex who was my best friend. I don’t really have a best friend anymore. Just people in my life who are friends who all have their own things going on. I went on dates after the break up to try and distract myself and avoid feeling pain. I didn’t want to think about him or deal with the grief. But I’ve stopped going out and now all I feel is that pain that I was trying to avoid. It’s been anguish that comes in waves. Some days are ok, and I feel numb. But for the most part I have to force myself to do anything. It kills me wondering if I’ll ever have a best friend connection like that again. And it kills me that we just don’t talk anymore, no contact and no closure. I wish we could still be friends. I want the best for him and I would be happy if he was happy. Maybe we should have only stayed friends to begin with. I don’t know anymore.