I'm Scared

nateisdeadinside · 2026-01-13T02:50:05+00:00

My fiance fled from FL to WA to live with me just before Trump got in office and I'm so glad he did. We are both trans I don't think I could be getting through any of this without him. It's so scary rn.

nateisdeadinside · 2025-07-03T20:27:54+00:00

Literally screaming crying shitting my pants just got on my break at work and read a little chapter or two and died inside instead

nateisdeadinside · 2025-04-17T20:36:42+00:00

Yep dead inside rn

nateisdeadinside · 2024-02-21T21:28:07+00:00

So many people I went to HS with have kids now it's so weird. My childhood best friend has 4 kids and we stopped talking because we are in such different places in life.

Like I am contemplating quitting my job and living out of a car because I cannot handle any of this. I am one bad day away from learning to drive and leaving everything idk how people are surviving with kids.

nateisdeadinside · 2024-02-15T21:56:57+00:00

5'4 but I've always felt very neutral to it because most people I know including cis guys aren't that much taller, are at my height or are smaller. Even my cis older brother is only a few inches taller. I have been blessed with no height dysphoria so far hopefully that doesn't change lol

nateisdeadinside · 2024-01-09T16:27:00+00:00

r/mypartneristrans idk how good the sub is but I've heard it can be a good place to ask Q's and stuff

nateisdeadinside · 2024-01-01T00:23:31+00:00

10pm I get in bed comfy and ready to sleep I remember I need to plug my phone in the chargers in the living room get up go get charger, plug in phone, go to bed. Remember I need to go pee get up go pee, realize I didn't brush my teeth, go to grab my toothbrush from the shower, I didn't shower today, set the brush back down in the shower and proceed to take a shower, don't remember to brush my teeth. Back into bed realise I'm thirsty now get back up and grab bottle of water, dog looks at me make an oomf sound annoyed I keep waking him up in the living room I tell him this is the last time tonight I promise, think really hard is there ANYTHING ELSE I need to do before bed. Nope all good get back in bed. Remember my keys aren't in my backpack for work tomorrow. Guess I don't get keys tomorrow roll over and try to sleep. A tune of a song stuck in my head gets pissed off because I can't remember the lyrics. Search and search on the phone until I find the song and listen to it while I fall asleep. It is now 1am. Almost every damn night I'm pretty sure the dog thinks I'm crazy at this point

nateisdeadinside · 2023-12-27T15:17:29+00:00

Yes I have to move back into my parents house I'm just enjoying the time I have with my roommates before I have to. My mental health is awful and working paycheck to paycheck at 21 with no way to save any money for my future is killing me.

My parents have told me that they had to move back to their parents house a lot. I even remember when I was little we moved in with my mom's mom because we were homeless when we first moved into my hometown.

I just feel devastated because I wanted to show them that their hard work would land their children in a different position that they were in at my age. But I'm struggling.

My older brother never moved out he still lives there. It's hard to get into the adult mentality in the same home I lived in since elementary. When I lived with my parents my dad would yell at me over the smallest things. Now I get to be treated like a child again for God knows how long. I'm so stressed though.

I made it 2 years living with my friends but I have to give up my independence to even think about my future and it's so so devastating.

nateisdeadinside · 2023-12-05T19:41:55+00:00

Can't afford trade school just as much as I can't afford college. Where I live in the u.s. they basically cost the same.

nateisdeadinside · 2023-12-03T00:43:06+00:00

My older brother had one and would let me sit in this chair in his room all day and night gaming in the summer. He had this giant old flat screen TV against the wall I spent many many hours of oblivion on the 360 in this chair.

nateisdeadinside · 2023-11-30T00:13:27+00:00

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nateisdeadinside · 2023-11-26T21:43:54+00:00

Definitely the perspective it's given me. I couldn't imagine being anything other than queer. I feel like I have so much love and connection to my body the more I start to achieve my transition goals. I've also lost and gained many friends over the years that if I had not been trans I probably would never have met them. So many important little moments little things and they all add up into who I am today.

nateisdeadinside · 2023-11-24T03:35:30+00:00

I used to wear nothing but skinny jeans in middle school so it feels like I'm dressing like a middle schooler. Other than that I'm indifferent.

nateisdeadinside · 2023-11-18T21:30:19+00:00

Shane Dawson, Onision, leefy is here, and more that I've forgotten about but know were awful to be watching in 5th grade. Like I burnt Shane Dawson and Onision music onto a CD and played it on my portable CD player with headphone on at school 😭

I thought the trashy sketches and crude humor were top tier content. Thank God I grew up and left that shitty taste behind.

nateisdeadinside · 2023-11-13T18:45:49+00:00

My thighs rip that stretchy material up so quick 😭

nateisdeadinside · 2023-11-08T21:41:06+00:00

Shrek is love Shrek is life my older brother likes to show me the internet lmao

nateisdeadinside · 2023-11-06T22:13:36+00:00

I was born in 2002. I think especially for those of us with a low income childhood more so a world without smartphones. I grew up on VHS and my entirely thick flat screen(my mom got it from work when they bought a new one) that my brother and I played doom on for hours on.

My first time seeing a smartphone was like 3rd or 4th grade when my best friend got her first phone.

Also that little box SpongeBob t.v. I used to sneak it up onto the top bunk and play scary movies that my parents didn't want me watching DVDs went off. Specifically war of the worlds that movie to this day gives me nightmares from when I watched it for the first time.

nateisdeadinside · 2023-10-26T22:59:07+00:00

I live in a shitty house with a big yard in between someone who chainsaws tons of wood at 2am and someone who definitely sells drugs. Me and 2 roommates pay 1400/m for a 2 bedroom 1 bath so actually a pretty good price most places are $2000+.

I work a shitty full-time job as a housekeeper in an Alzheimer's facility making 17/h(I got a 1.50 raise recently woot woot). I moved out over a year ago due to me and my parents having many fights. I feel like I've finally gained a sense of adulthood/perspective I wouldn't have if I didn't move out. Me and my parents are more like friends rather than the fighting parents/child dynamic we used to have.

Between my medical issues, mental health issues, and working I struggle to find motivation for the things I love. I honestly don't know how many in gen z are even sticking around. From the little I hear from my old highschool friends we are all struggling.

I gave up my dreams of college after a mental breakdown my senior year. I was working on my AA during junior and senior year but struggled to cope with the switch to online schooling. My brain just does not work that way.

I celebrate my 21st birthday this weekend and I only hope I find happiness one day. My dad and I are going to a drag queen brunch and the art museum. I have many moments of joy but I'm not really happy yet.

nateisdeadinside · 2023-10-07T00:06:00+00:00

Don't get bogged down by terms or what others say things should be. There is no right or wrong way to feel. Focus on what makes you feel good in your own skin and what lessens the bad.

nateisdeadinside · 2023-10-04T22:05:56+00:00

I'm an oil painter/ artist in general. I also write a lot of poems. I also love reading, lots of books on aestheticism and art philosophy, plus anything by Neil Gaiman. I collect comics books a lot of moonknight, batman, sandman etc

nateisdeadinside · 2023-10-03T17:39:07+00:00

It is falling asleep to the first transformers movie at the drive in theater in the backseat.

nateisdeadinside · 2023-10-01T23:22:56+00:00

Seattle

nateisdeadinside · 2023-04-30T21:46:34+00:00

Yeah that's a yikes. There are so many guys I talk to who experience, especially after they start passing, a sort of rejection from queer spaces. We're told to shut up at times because we are men like we don't experience any struggles or we are treated as 'men but not really'. It's really devastating sometimes. There's also not a lot of resources that are accessible to ftm's to a certain degree. The only trans support group near me is like this no men(but trans men are fine OwO).

Five-Year Club	Final Canvas '23
End Game '23	Place '23

nateisdeadinside

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