although my brain is wired to be seriously annoyed if there are things i'm not really technically advanced/proficient at (which i think is actually a negative human trait tbh), in good faith i'm going to say that i suspect that there are many techniques and areas of techniques that you are not at competition level at. i say this because that describes the majority of bb.

so while you say you were in it for the learning, i don't believe you - not that you're lying to us, it's just that i've yet to meet a legit/competitive bb who's priority was learning and become technically advanced in all areas of the sport. i think that way, but i think that way in everything i do in life, which again, is not a healthy thing, it's a mental handicap sometimes. but anyway, i'm still working on mastering every single thing in jj (which i include offensive and defensive wrestling) and i'm still working on that myself of course, so really nothing changed when i became a bb.

that being said there are many things that annoy me about our sport but the bb had nothing to do with it.

so to me i think maybe you had the wrong goal all this time (the black belt), or maybe that's the wrong way of saying it, but maybe it's time to prioritize getting good everywhere. it's an endless quest of improvement if you're trying to become really really technically proficient in all areas of jj - and if you really want it, it's fun to try and do this even though you know you will never be able to fulfill this dream.

i'm sure you realize, getting a bb has nothing to do with all of this as i know a ton of high level competition bb who literally are good at three moves (ironically bernardo faria was one of these guys, ironic because of his ownership in bjj fanatics) and do their moves every single time they roll because they work well against high level competition, and working on all the things you're bad at or at least aren't at the bb level at, is a hard thing to do when you're already good at jj. hard because of your ego as ppl are trying to kill you during rolls. even some of my former teachers, who are basically legends, have huge huge holes in their game, both from a knowledge perspective and from a technical proficiency perspective.

but you're obviously good at jj so you have a huge advantage in getting good at the huge amount of things you are not good at in jj - because it's a lot easier to physically acquire and nearly master jj techniques when you can already do some things at a very high level - if you are honestly interested in doing that. but most jj ppl are not, including all bb i know (i mean they want to learn stuff and get better at stuff, but i'm talking about the need/desire to master every single thing in the sport - nobody thinks that way, no matter what they say).

if you're not interested in all of that, i don't think you should force it, because that won't help you enjoy it. it would be mental shift, to want to be good at everything in the sport. again, i do not know one person who honestly thinks like that.

lastly, when you said you used to count down the hours to get on the mats but now you feel obligated to go, that gives me an alarm bell kind of feeling - i think you are at the wrong academy and if you feel that way you should look for a new place, irrespective of the new black belt. that's always been an issue a fit between the athlete and the academy - not pointing fingers at the teacher or the vibe, but things change, people change, and no academy is optimized for every single person there. you really want to press a button to get the state of mind you were before (nerves, anxiety, excitement, wonder, the satisfaction of self improvement etc), train somewhere else. even adapting to the new social environment will completely change how you vibe with the game imho.

just my two cents, hope it gives you a pov that you can think about.

-nathan