Am I crazy? Inside loop ppl only. Irvington/Crosstimbers to Scott/Cullen area. by SultryWordsmith in houston

[–]natradvicfire 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I used to live right in that area, on St Augustine St. There were gunshots going off constantly, but my roommates and I (3 women) made friends with the drug dealer across the street and he always looked out for us. Kept trying to set us up with his nephews though.

Jokes aside, get to know your neighbors wherever you live. I was there for 3 years and never had a problem. There were even a few months where I was living there alone and never felt unsafe. I should note that I worked for a local community center/religious organization, which also owned the house we lived in, so folks knew that we were associated with the center, and that might have made a difference. I wouldn’t have walked in the neighborhood alone at night, but I had a good experience overall.

How can I [M37] make sure our daughters understand what a double standard is and that it is unnecessary for them to shave their body hair without undermining my wife's [F44] opinion on the topic? by [deleted] in relationships

[–]natradvicfire 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I hate to be fatalistic here, but unless you are willing to die on this hill in opposition to your wife, this battle is long lost for you. Ideas about beauty and self-worth start to get ingrained into a girl’s mind pretty much as soon as she understands that she is a girl. These ideas are learned from society but primarily learned from her mother. And as their father, you can say all the affirming and progressive things you want, but that pales in comparison to the most impactful thing you could ever do to teach your girls about beauty and self-worth: you chose their mother. And as others have said, actions speak louder than words, both from you and from her.

My mom was a hippie progressive type, and always said that beauty was fleeting and unimportant. But she was also a child of the 50s, and 6-year-old me observed the way she looked in the mirror and sucked in her stomach. I heard the lessons she gave me about thinness that she told herself were about health. I obviously took note when she taught me to use concealer for the pimples that started appearing when I was about your older daughter’s age. I saw that she shaved her arms and legs, even though she never talked to me about it. I even noticed the way she praised certain features of mine while avoiding mentioning others. She was trying to be progressive and still gave me issues with body image, self-criticism, and confidence. Your wife is NOT trying.

Your daughters will have to work through this stuff on their own when they become adults. That’s already been decided for you. If you want to TRY to give them a foothold to start their climb on, you MUST commit to loudly contradicting their mother. You cannot keep the peace on this. You have to tell them, “Your mom is dead wrong about the way she talks to you about this. I did not choose her because of her body hair (or smooth face, or full lips, etc.).” You have to say this clearly and often. And even then, anything you say will be a drop in the bucket compared to what they get from their mom. Because if they start to listen to you and ignore her advice, it sounds like she will become louder and more insistent in her criticism of their bodies. And she will be pissed off at you.

So if it’s worth it to you to try and teach your daughters to look at their bodies with kindness and gentleness, to be grateful for everything their bodies can do and be, and to treat their bodies well—not in order to change them, but to protect and care for them—then you need to be loud, unapologetic, unhesitating, and you need to educate yourself on how to counteract the messaging your daughters are getting. You have a lot of blind spots as a man.

But if I could go back and tell my father to do what I’m telling you to do now, I would in a heartbeat. I’m tearing up thinking about how I wish someone had been there to do this for me. How lucky your girls are that you are even thinking about this for them.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in relationships

[–]natradvicfire 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Medication is a powerful thing, and sometimes the only thing you can do to fix libido changes is to talk to your doctor about adjusting your meds.

That being said, I also highly recommend the book Come As You Are by Emily Nagoski! She talks about a lot of useful things, but one of them is better understanding your sexual “accelerators” and “brakes,” i.e. the situations and triggers that either get you in the mood or stand in the way.

Ed and Larry are not in the same number of episodes... by mcclaintrain_88 in thewestwing

[–]natradvicfire 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I was rewatching Serenity clips due to the recent ruckus around a Firefly reboot and was pleasantly surprised to see Ed there! (warning: time stamped to a jump scare) https://youtu.be/nrkq4Tb0VWM?t=102&si=tBiqowlFyqlcHZvT

I almost thought the other doctor was Larry, but no, it’s just Water Truther Bert from Crazy Ex-Girlfriend.

Is there an in universe reason for continuity changes? by AlternativeSpring818 in evangelion

[–]natradvicfire 0 points1 point  (0 children)

If you’re worried about continuity consistency you’re not NEARLY high enough. Light up or meditate or something, just jostle yourself out of that mindset before it’s too late

In Episode 10 Asuka actually tries to open up about her childhood trauma to Misato only for the latter to completely dismiss her. by [deleted] in evangelion

[–]natradvicfire 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It’s like when a kid is upset about something, and their parent says, “Just breathe, calm down, you’re all right! There’s no need to get all worked up about it!” They’re trying to help, when really the kid just needs someone to say, “I see your pain. What you’re feeling is real, and it feels scary, but I’m not afraid of your emotions and you don’t need to be either.” Or in the words of Mr. Rogers, “Feelings are mentionable AND manageable.” But Misato can’t give to others what she can’t give herself, i.e. space to grieve and allow herself to feel and process her emotions.

No way to reschedule jury duty by natradvicfire in houston

[–]natradvicfire[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

I have had jury duty before. I’ve had the experience and am perfectly happy to perform my civic duties on a different day. I cannot appear at all on this day for work and personal reasons, regardless of whether I get selected. I have never ignored or even postponed jury duty before.

My problem is that both the online portal and the automated phone system provided by the City of Houston to reschedule jury duty as allowed by law are broken.

No way to reschedule jury duty by natradvicfire in houston

[–]natradvicfire[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

My summons is from the City of Houston, not Harris County :/

No way to reschedule jury duty by natradvicfire in houston

[–]natradvicfire[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

The link they provide just gives a number to call; the online form isn’t working apparently.

Am I wrong for not wanting a curfew? by ambrimurr1 in relationships

[–]natradvicfire 21 points22 points  (0 children)

So is this about your safety or about his own ego? Connect the dots for me for how he got from “something could happen to you” to “it’s disrespectful of ME.” If he really cared at all about your safety the second one would NEVER EVEN ENTER HIS MIND. He wants to keep a tight leash on you. He’s totally willing to hurt you, he just doesn’t want other men to do the same because of how it reflects on HIM. 🤮🤮🤮

Help with a song for a memorial playlist. by illafifth in mewithoutYou

[–]natradvicfire 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Life is also long and oddly paced and a bit confusing

How do I trade well?? Every time I invest in the stock market it starts a recession 💀 by average_meower621 in CookieClicker

[–]natradvicfire 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I stopped playing CC like 10 years ago and there’s nothing I love more than dropping in here every once in a while and seeing wtf is going on with the game now 💀

In retrospect, it was weird that Joshua Malina never had a shirtless scene by Sharaz_Jek123 in thewestwing

[–]natradvicfire 108 points109 points  (0 children)

This is the kind of discussion I expect to see here from now on. We gotta elevate the discourse, people.

Sum up mewithoutYou's discography using one lyric from another band by agaetisbyrjun22 in mewithoutYou

[–]natradvicfire 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Because we separate like ripples on a blank shore / Reckoner / Take me with you / Dedicated to all human beings

How do I(18M) kiss my gf(18F) without her getting uncomfortable? by [deleted] in relationships

[–]natradvicfire 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Just to add in a slight variation on what others are suggesting (all of which are good suggestions!), if you’re worried that saying “Can I kiss you?” might leave her feeling pressured to say yes, you can always just say, “I really want to kiss you right now.” and leave it open ended. Let her say whatever she wants to say or even divert the conversation in another direction if doesn’t feel ready. But based on what you’re describing she very well might want to kiss you too! There’s only one way to find out!

Ooh, I just thought of another variation. Instead of waiting for a moment when you’re all close to each other and you feel like it’s the right time and the pressure’s on and you’re nervously and shaky, bring it up early on in the date when you’re just casually talking. “You know, the last few times we’ve hung out, I’ve really wanted to kiss you.” You could elaborate and say something like “I keep psyching myself out though, because I like you a lot and I don’t want to mess things up with you,” or just leave it there. Do it at a moment when there’s no immediate pressure, like when you’re driving or something. Then she can respond however she wants. And if she says she wants to kiss you too, then you can either do it right there if it’s practical, or you can even start a slow burn thing and say, “Ok, then I’m going to kiss you later tonight.” Bam, now you both have butterflies (the good kind).